Impact, the book, is pure dynamite -- a must read for anybody who dreams of doing more with his or her life.

            Impact is structured to give the reader the tools to develop an individual philosophy of success.  Then, like a knockout punch, it delivers the practical applications. Impact combines the author’s insight into the historical and Biblical origins of materialism and numerous personal stories to achieve these goals. 

            This is not a biography or just a motivational book.  It is truly a textbook written by a master player.  It is a no holds barred discussion that ranges from how to navigate involvement in charities to your benefit to how to sleep your way to the top.

            Many players have written books about their deals -- but few have ever truly written about how they make their deals.  Impact shines a light on the secret formulas behind success.  These are the formulas usually guarded by members of a very small club.  Impact makes membership to this club wide open.  The club is about to change forever.

 Impact

1.     IT’S BETTER TO BE LUCKY THAN GOOD

2.     RIGHT PLACE, RIGHT TIME

3.     IT’S BETTER TO LOOK GOOD THAN BE GOOD-LOOKING 

4.     CLOTHES MAKE YOU THE MAN 

5.     WATCH OUT FOR WATCHES

Chapter five is a discussion of time and the importance of timepieces.  A player must understand the creation of time as well as time in the context of relativity.  Understanding these aspects of time gives a player the ability to choose the timepiece that impacts his environment with the maximum desired results.

6.     BAD SHOES, YOU LOSE

We grow up hearing about big shoes to fill and following in someone’s footsteps.  It’s no wonder people look at our shoes.  If you’re a player, you must have your feet planted firmly on the ground -- and they better be in the right pair of shoes.

7.     PEN OR PENNILESS

It’s the small things that make a difference.  Attention to detail separates a businessman from a player.  They say the pen is mightier than the sword.  After reading Chapter 7, the reader will know if this is true or not.

 8.     ON THE LIGHTER SIDE

Another one of those crucial details: why God was the first one to say “Let there be light.”  Chapter 8 will explain what light, your lighter, and money all have in common.

9.     WITHOUT A CAR, YOU WON’T GO FAR

The road to success is as important as success itself.  For this road, you need the right car.

10.  SMOKING -- ARE YOU JOKING?

No, I’m not.  Knowing when and where to smoke can be great for business.

11.  DO LUNCH

People may make fun of this tradition. But Chapter 11 will explain why it’s still one of the best tools in business.

12.  CREDIT OR FORGET IT.

What type of credit do you want, what type of credit do you need, and how to get it.  Chapter 12 will also explain why credit is bad and at the same time a necessity.

13.  HOME SWEET HOME AND A CONDO IN THE DESERT

Every king needs a castle -- but a player needs two.

14.  IT’S NOT WHO YOU KNOW, IT’S HOW FAR YOU GO

How to sleep your way to the top is what they used to call it.  Chapter 14 will not only look at the morality of using sex to get what you want, it will tell you how and with whom.  Most important though, this discussion will take an honest look at strategic alliances and planning.

15.  IF THERE IS A DOUBT, THERE IS NO DOUBT

We’ll tell the reader how to develop and trust their instincts.

16.  RISKY BUSINESS

When and how to take risks. “No risk, no reward.”  After reading Chapter 16, the reader will clearly understand the art of taking risks so that the potential for success outweighs the potential for failure.

17.  A STAR IS BORN

A working model for the reader to follow -- and a guide to handling success.

"Getting To The Next Level"

            Recently, a not too well known public company asked me to critique an investors' relations meeting (a meeting designed to get stock brokers to push the stock of a public company) to be held at the Peninsula Hotel in Beverly Hills.  I agreed to do so for the price of a Diet Coke (no joke). 

            “Mike, I have to preface this meeting by saying I have a lot of respect for you and Glen (his right hand man). So don’t take what I say personally,” I offered.

            “I’m a big boy, Stan. I don’t need you to preface what you say. Just say it.”

            ***NOTE*** Always preface what you say; there is no such thing as a big boy.

            Then, I continued, “I thought your meeting sucked to the point of embarrassment.  It was probably counter productive to boosting the price of your stock.”

            Mike nodded his head. He appeared to be slightly stunned by the news. “Just give me the specifics.”

            I obliged. “The person at your registration desk reminded me of a used car salesman.  He grilled me. Then, he asked me to sign in on a yellow legal pad with a cheap plastic pen.”

            “He wasn’t our guy.  He works for the P.R. firm that invited the brokers.”

            “Mike, the guy should be working at Kmart.  It doesn’t matter whom he works for, just make sure he’s not at your registration table.  The two most important impressions are the first and the last.  My first impression was bad.  The guy at the desk with a notepad instead of a registration book screamed out to me that your company has no class.  Having no class is bad. But having no class at The Peninsula is really bad.”

            “Glen, what the hell happened to our registration book?” Mike asked.

            “I don’t know,” Glen answered, sounding like he sincerely didn’t know.

            “What did you think of lunch?” Mike asked -- hoping I would find something nice to say.

            “Everyone seemed to like the food. But why would you serve it during your presentation?  People were too busy eating to listen.  Always, serve food before the presentation or after, never during.”

            “There were time constraints.  These guys were on a tight schedule.”

            “Then you should have definitely served the food after the presentation.”

            “What else?” Mike grumbled.

            “Your company’s first major revenue source is supposed to be from revolutionary speaker technology. Over and over, you referred to your award winning home theatre system, right?”

            “Yes.”

            “How many speakers does the system utilize?”

            “Five,” Mike answered -- seeming to sense where I was going with this.

            “For the presentation, you had two.”

            “It sounds good with two.”

            “How does it sound with five?”

            “Better.”

            “Always put your best foot forward.  Good keeps a stock from losing money.  Great makes it go up. Blow them away -- get them psyched.  You know what I mean.”

            “What else?” I was sensing both resignation and interest in his voice by now.

            “You’re a high tech company right?  One hundred million in technology acquisitions but you use a slide projector for your presentation and a hard-wired microphone. You’ve got to be kidding!  I want DVD or friggin’ DLP walls.  I want inter-active touch screens and a cordless microphone embedded in your lapel pin…now that’s a presentation.”

            Glen, now looking very uncomfortable, said,  “Go easy.  I still want to have a job after this meeting.”

            “Glen, I love you. But why were you standing at the side of the room, reminding Mike to bring up points that he might have forgotten to cover?  Why don’t you just get the grouchy old men from "The Muppet Show" to heckle him?”

            “He’s right, Glen.  You shouldn’t do that anymore.”

            “You had enough?” I asked.

            “I can take it.”

            “It’s going to cost you another Diet Coke.”

            “Don’t worry about it.”

            “If you want to get to the next level, you both need handlers. You’re the Chairman of the Board, a technology genius.  You should be properly introduced before you speak. Your schedule should be kept by a pro. Hell, I can’t even get a secretary on the phone when I call                          your office.”

            “He’s right, we need to think about the next level,” Mike said to Glen as much as to himself.

            “You also need to get a new watch.  Casio doesn’t cut it for the Chairman of the Board.  Plus, you should never speak at a meeting until someone like me has reviewed your speech.”

            “Why?”

            “I would never let you refer to the technology you’ve acquired as 'amorphous, waiting to be harvested from'.”

            “Why not?”

            “Amorphous is a shapeless blob with no real potential for direction. Would you prefer to invest in that, or would you rather invest in a massive reservoir of technology with an unlimited potential for harvest?”

            “Reservoir is much better.”

            I continued and told him, “You need to lose weight.  Get a private trainer.”

            “What the fuck does my weight have to do with anything?”

            “The company right now is all about you. I’m not investing money in a company whose president looks like a walking heart attack.”

            “No one talks to me like that.”

            “Too bad.  If you want another “yes” man, cut me a paycheck.  Anyway, you guys need to hire someone to schlep everything for you.  You can’t be carrying all the crap from your presentation out to your car after you finish.  It looks ridiculous. Besides, the people who approach you at the end of a presentation are the people you’ve reached.  Take the time to close them or set up private appointments.”

            “We break down presentations ourselves to show we’re not wasting our investors' money on frivolous stuff.”

            “That makes sense.  Have lunch at the Peninsula and then look frugal by not having an eight-dollar an hour employee? That’s not frugal. It’s idiotic.  Trust me, hire someone.”

            “You know if we hired you, it would cause a lot of people to feel threatened?”

            “Not if they’re great at what they do.  Anyway, this one’s on me. Two Diet Cokes instead of my usual ten grand.”

            “You need to come down to our lab and see everything.”

            “Make me an offer.  I’d love to see all of your toys.”

            “Glen will set it up.”**

            **NOTE: I always say that if it looks wrong and sounds wrong, it probably is wrong.  They never made me an offer and I will never give another free critique.  By the way, their stock is still in the tank.  What a surprise.  With a little money and a lot of “know-how”, I could have delivered these guys the keys to the city. 

            Impact will hopefully be fun to read. But upon conclusion, I think you will realize that success in Los Angeles, or anywhere else for that matter, does not come from luck.  Rather, it comes -- more often than not -- from what you are about to read.  So, read on and enjoy.

Chapter 1

"It’s Better To Be Lucky Than Good"

            My dad always told me this. But trust me, it’s good to be both.  I remember as a kid watching Armand Hammer being interviewed on "The Tonight Show." He told the famous story of what one friend said to him regarding his legendary string of successful business endeavors in many different fields.  His friend said, “Armand, when it comes to business, you’re the luckiest man I’ve ever met.” 

            Armand Hammer responded, “When you work twenty hours a day, seven days a week, it’s funny how lucky you get.”  You’re probably asking yourself, “So, what is this all about?”  The truth is simple: there is no such thing as luck. 

            What people see as luck is really a formula: preparation meets opportunity. Let me give you an example.  Recently, a very attractive young girl came from the Midwest to Hollywood to become an actress. Imagine that.  As fate would have it, she met a friend of mine on the Warner Brothers lot.  He was coming down to Palm Springs to hang out with the guys and me, so he invited her down.  I know what you’re thinking, but you’re wrong.  She never made it.  However, we did wind up talking on the phone and a month later, we finally got together. 

            No doubt she had looks and a good personality.  I was impressed.  She told me she had been getting a lot of work but still wanted to find a new agent. She asked me if I knew anyone.  Even though I knew better, her crop top and tight jeans had worn me down, so I answered honestly.  “Yeah, I know some good people.”  For a minute or so, I took a skinny dip in her big blue eyes. Then, I volunteered, “I’ll set you up for a read with my buddy Sid.  He’s a good agent. He’s hooked.” 

             “What do you mean by hooked?” she asked. 

            I explained, “Hooked, you know, like hooked up.”  She had a blonde, Midwestern stare going.  I continued, “It means he’s tied in to people who can make things happen.” 

            Leaning back very comfortably, she asked, “Can you make things happen?”

Don’t worry, like an idiot, I took the high road.  I don’t know what came over me but I just left it at, “Meet with Sid.  Let’s see what he says.”  Then, feeling rational for a minute, I asked, “I hope you know what you’re doing?  If I set you up with this guy, you better be good or it’s going to make me look like an idiot.”  She assured me she was a great actress.

            Four days later, I called Sid to see how my first pure and genuine referral had done.  Sid’s a good guy so he went easy on me.  “Stan, she’s definitely got looks.” (Translation:  I hope you’re getting laid and not wasting my time for nothing.) “But she can’t read and her resume is bullshit.  All the work she’s done is as an extra.  She’s better off not even mentioning it.  As for her current agency, they have ten thousand wannabes.  She’d be better off not mentioning them either.  You need to make her understand she should play the new kid in town game.”

            I truly felt like apologizing for my lack of judgment. But I just thanked him for his time.  Sid consoled me by adding, “Look, tell her to get a private coach for six months and I’ll read her again.”

            Not feeling like I had wasted enough time, I called her and repeated Sid’s advice.  She dismissed it by saying, “A lot of extras wind up getting serious work.”  I asked her to name one.  She couldn’t. 

            So, what went wrong besides my hormones?  This girl had opportunity galore -- but she wasn’t prepared.  My guess is that her looks are going to get her several other opportunities but I doubt anything will really become of her.  She doesn’t want to deal with being prepared.  It’s hard work.  Ultimately, when she leaves town with her dreams of stardom shattered, she’ll blame it on bad luck.  However, you and I will know better.

            So, there you have it.  Opportunity but no preparation makes for bad luck.  Although it happens less often, there is also potential for the converse. 

            Many years ago, I was asked by one of my employees to meet “the most talented singer in town.”  She explained he (the singer) was a sweetheart of a guy and deserved a break.  You got it; three nights later I’m at Ciro’s Pompadour picking up the tab for open mike night (amateur night).

            It was like a scene out of "Flashdance" or that Billy Joel song "Piano Man."  This kid was great.  It’s the only time I’ve been at a restaurant for open mike where people besides the singer’s parents stopped eating dinner to listen to the song. I picked up the check, gladly, thinking I had struck platinum (one million records).

            I met several times with this extraordinary talent. He told me his story of rejection and disappointment.  He blamed his failures on professional jealousy.  He begged me to get him the right songs and the right producers.  I said, “Yes.” He agreed that my company would own half of everything he did. This kid should have been a star. I delivered the songs and the producers he wanted. I had him set to open live for one of the biggest comedians in Las Vegas (comedians like musical openers).  He had finished the first track for the album I was financing when I handed him his contract. It represented exactly what we had discussed. Two days later, he came to my office to see me. 

            He sat down and explained, “My lawyer says this is a bad deal. No one gives up fifty percent.” 

            I call this the "loser syndrome" and I have no patience for it.  I said, “Look, that contract is what you agreed to. No one in this town will work with you because they think you’re an arrogant prick.  If you sign that contract, you’ll be rich and famous. If you don’t, you’ll remain a nobody with a great voice.”

            He pleaded to let his lawyer talk to my lawyer. I threw his contract in the trash and asked him to leave. That was fifteen years ago and he’s still a nobody today. He had plenty of talent. He was well prepared. But not able to recognize opportunity, he just became another case of bad luck.

            I know, I know, what about no opportunity?  Believe me, if you fall into the opportunity challenged category, you wouldn’t/couldn’t be reading this book.  Opportunity is everywhere for everybody and you don’t need motivational infomercials to find it.  Okay, here’s a happy story.  Pay close attention because it contains many of the Impact elements we’re going to discuss in this book.  It is preparation meets opportunity at it’s best.

            Fifteen years ago, I decided I needed a more serious environment than UCLA’s John Wooden Center in which to workout.  The best place in Los Angeles for a serious workout was Gold’s Gym in Venice. Remember, fifteen years ago Gold’s wasn’t the happy neighborhood gym it is today. Its membership consisted of bodybuilders who worked as bouncers or male prostitutes, actors (Sylvester Stallone, Lou Ferrigno, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Michael Landon, etc.), criminals (who shall remain nameless), athletes (Magic Johnson, Lyle Alzedo, Michael Thompson, etc.), and professional wrestlers (Hulk Hogan, etc.).  Kids from good families couldn’t tell their parents that they were working out at Gold’s Gym Venice.  So there I was, ignoring my family and my school work, working out with the big boys.  Eventually I started working out with three other guys who, in gym lingo, could be called my workout partners (an almost sacred relationship).

            One of my workout buddies had been a co-star of a popular sitcom when I was in junior high. In case you’re wondering, I generally don’t drop names; it’s not a classy thing to do. I realize that many people who are wealthier and more famous than myself don’t hold to this standard when they write books. But my mom always told me, “Money doesn’t buy class.”  She was right.  As the years went on, our workout schedules changed but our friendship did not.  Every now and then, one of us would pick up the phone just to say hello.  We stayed friends through good times and bad times - probably even more so in the bad times.  That’s what makes a friendship.  It’s easy to be someone’s friend when he or she is up.  A real friend is there when someone is down.  Anyway, the years went by…

            It was summer of this year when one of the highest box office grossing producers in the world asked me to find and package a project for him with big merchandising potential. Two nights later, I’m at the Foundation Room (the private club on top of the House of Blues) and whom do I see?  That’s right, my old buddy from Gold’s Gym.  He’s leaning on the bar talking to a girl when I sneak up and put my arm around him.

            “I hope this is my old buddy, Such and Such -- or you probably think I’m gay.” 

            Such and Such turns around (thank God it was him!) and says, “Lerner!  Everybody, it’s Stan Lerner!”  For a minute, I felt like the famous one. 

            He continued, “How are you man?  I was just talking about you.”  He introduced me around to his friends. Then, I did the same.

            Like old friends will do, he asked, “So, what are you working on?” 

            I gave him a list of things -- which ended with, “You know I just got asked to put a package together with big merchandising potential in it.  If you hear of anything out there, give me a call.” 

            He looked like he had been struck by lightening. “You know, I write all the time.”

            “You got something?”

            “Well, when you said merchandising, something clicked.  Two years ago, I did a treatment with a friend of mine that might be what you’re looking for.”

            I told him to bring it to my house in the morning.  It was exactly what I was looking for.  We had a deal by lunch.

            It took fifteen years of friendship to get to that lucky moment.  Each of our respective circumstances, I’m sure, could be books unto themselves. But clearly, my friend was hit out of the blue with an opportunity and without a flaw, his preparation allowed him to grab it.  Two years, his treatment, which was written for TV, came close, but no deal.  One night, he’s out for drinks, says hi to an old friend -- and now his project is a motion picture deal with a seventy million dollar budget.  It’s a true story.  It’s a nice story.  It’s a good luck story. And most of all, it’s a why you should be prepared story.

            So far, so good.  Hopefully, by this point, you understand luck a little differently.  Now, it’s time to look at opportunity and preparation -- the components of luck.  No story, just one simple fact: both are God given.  It’s a tragedy that most people think because God is giving, they automatically deserve to be receiving.  I remember in Sunday school our teacher telling the story of God summoning Moses from outside of the camp to the middle of the camp so he could speak to him. 

            I asked the obvious question, “Why was only Moses able to hear this summons?” 

            She answered, “He was on a higher spiritual level than the rest.” 

I always thought of this like the dog whistle episode of "The Little Rascals”.  Pete could simply hear sounds that we couldn’t because his ears were better than ours.  The point I am trying to make is -- if God is giving, are you tuned in?  Are you open to it?  Are you taking?

            Once a girl I knew retorted to this statement, “If God is giving, why should I have to do anything?” 

            I told her to hold her arms out and clench her fists.  I took the change from my pocket and dropped it in her hands.  It bounced off and fell to the floor with the exception of one coin.  Then, I told her to cup her hands together, palms facing up.  This time, I dropped the change -- but none of it fell to the floor.  Instead, it remained in her hands. 

            My response: “It’s about interaction.  God is giving -- but it’s up to you how much you get.  If your hands are closed, you get one coin.  If they are open, you get them all.  My personal advice -- walk around with a wheel-barrel."   

            She laughed. But she got what I was saying and that’s what counts.

            Opportunity’s central component is circumstance.  The proverbial right time and right place.  This component is so important I’ve dedicated an entire chapter to it.  For now, understand one thing: circumstance is never permanent.  It is a fluid condition that you can always influence.  It does not matter where you were born or to whom you were born.  It does not matter if you are rich or you are poor.  Finally, it does not even matter whether you are intelligent or not.  What does matter, for now, is that you understand that you can change course.

            Preparation’s central component is ability.  What does this mean?  The root of the word ability is able.  Are you able?  Are you ready to handle or take advantage of opportunity?  Don’t be fooled and think ability and talent are synonymous.  They’re not.  Many talented people lose out on opportunities because they are not prepared.  They are not able to perform.  Talent has limits.   Ability does not.  There is no exclusive on ability.  You can never be too well prepared.

            Remember the story about the Midwestern girl and my friend the agent?  Not too long after that incident, I had a similar experience (life keeps giving you the same test until you pass).  This time, having learned my lesson, the outcome was very different.

            It’s Saturday night and I’m sitting at my booth at a little nightspot in Beverly Hills.  The place is really hopping because an event production company that I’m a partner in is promoting the place.  Club owners get girls and this night was no exception.  My booth was crowded with several very attractive young ladies – most were aspiring actresses, singers or models.  In the course of the conversation, the young lady sitting next to me mentioned that she was an actress and was looking for an agent (I checked my watch wondering if it was Groundhog Day). 

            I thought of Sid but gave her my number instead, saying, “I know some good people; call me when I’m sober.” 

            She asked, “You’re just going to help me?  What do you want?”

            “Who said I want anything?  You asked if I know of an agent, so I said call me. I’ll give you a couple of numbers.”

            With an almost disbelieving look, she said, “It's just…people always seem to want something if they help you.”

            I put the issue to rest with, “You don’t have to sleep with me for a couple of phone numbers.  If I want that, I’ll ask you out on a date first.”

            She took my number and called me the next day.  After exchanging the usual pleasantries, she asked me if I would still be willing to hook her up with an agent.  At last, my chance for redemption.

            “Sure. But can I ask you a couple of serious questions?”

            She was a little hesitant, “Yeah, sure.”

            I told her the story of the last girl I sent to Sid and inquired, “So, can you read and do you have anything decent on your resume?”

            Her answer was honest.  “I don’t know. I’ve never tried reading for a part and I don’t have a resume or anything to put on one.”

            I asked the obvious, “You said you were an actress?”

            “I want to be an actress.  I really think I would be good.”

            I explained to her that wanting to be something and being something are two different things. “Just because someone wants to be a heart surgeon doesn’t convince me that they should operate on me.  I want someone who has the three T’s: talent, training and a track record.  Of course, I prefer that he or she wants to be a heart surgeon. But if my life depends on it, I don’t care if he wants to be a cross dressing garbage collector, just as long as the three T’s are there.” I told her that she also needs to join a workshop and if she can afford it (she can), a private coach. 

            I continued, “Do some local theatre and talent showcases.  These are fun and good experiences.  Most of all, you’ll be with people in the mix.”

            In the end, I gave her two numbers.  The first was a friend of mine who is a talented actor (he’s actually been in some Academy Award winning movies). He’s definitely the type of guy who likes to help people out and I figured he could always use some extra money. The second person I told her to contact was a friend of mine who produces music and does some vocal coaching.  This girl took my advice seriously. She called both of my friends and decided to focus on her acting skills. I know she works at it everyday and the person I introduced her to continues to be her mentor. Where she will wind up, I don’t know. But I can tell you that tonight one of my close business associates and myself are going to watch her in her first talent showcase. I wish her luck.

            The purpose of this story is to illuminate that just as one can influence circumstance, one can also influence or create ability.  If this girl’s hard work results in her being able to act and read for a part, I’ll get her an agent.  Why? Because I’ll know she’s prepared should opportunity present itself to her.

            I recognize that being a player does not have to equate to being an actor, agent, writer, director or producer. I’ve chosen the entertainment industry for many examples because it generally provides larger than life circumstances. To talk about a business that requires luck, how can you find a business that would be more synonymous in people’s minds? The truth is, all businesses require luck and all business people need to understand the concept of luck.

            The important next step is to translate our understanding of luck to individual or self-application. Just to get you in the habit of doing this, I’ll try this step myself. To do this, we will use the example of my friend the sitcom actor and myself. For our purposes, I am now a real estate developer and he is now an architect. All of the circumstances are the same.  We still met at Gold’s Gym. We still maintained a friendship for fifteen years. And yes, we both still hung out at the Foundation Room. The difference is simply our conversation. 

            This time, instead of mentioning that I’m looking for a motion picture project with major merchandising potential, I say, “I’ve just inherited a major piece of property on Beverly and 

            La Cienega. I’m looking for concepts.”

            He replies, “You know, several years ago I did a concept design for a shopping center that would really fit that property.”

            You know how the rest of the story goes. We meet the next day. I love his design and a couple of years later, you are shopping at the Beverly Center.

            So, there it is -- the beginning of becoming a player. (A player is someone who is in the game and can make things happen.) Make your own luck by understanding what luck is and that it can be influenced, if not changed entirely.  When someone says, “It’s better to be lucky than good,” we know that they really mean, “It’s better to have opportunity that you're prepared for, than talent.”

"Right Place, Right Time"

            This is the stuff that people love. I actually struggled with whether or not to talk about this so early in the book -- but I’m going to have faith that you won’t just read this chapter and hit the town.  Remember what I said in the introduction about first impressions? You only have one chance to make one. Just because you know where to go doesn’t mean you should try right away. Wait until you finish the book so that when you wind up at the right place at the right time – and then you will make the right impression.  With that disclaimer, let me explain why “Right Place, Right Time” should be the second chapter. 

            Our discussion of luck in Chapter One was, for the most part, philosophical.  I’m a firm believer that real success can only be possible if there is a strong philosophical or spiritual foundation to build from.  However, I don’t believe in living in a cave for forty years in deep contemplation to achieve this.  Once you establish a philosophy or spiritual level (what I referred to as foundation), try it out.  In our case, we’ve built a foundation on the premise that we can influence luck (remember Armand Hammer agrees with us!).  So, to test out our foundation, we must build.  Building is done through practical application, which, in our case, is right place, right time. 

            I can’t count how many times I’ve heard people say, “You’re successful because you’re white and born in America.  If you were born black and starving in Ethiopia, how successful would you be?”

            Now, I’ve never really cared for this statement -- or the people who have said it to me.  However, the answer is obvious and somewhat arrogant, “The cream always rises to the top.”

            You don’t have to transport someone to a land of famine and change the color of their skin to give them a difficult circumstance.  There are people going hungry right here in America.  The majority of Americans who live under poverty level are white.  Everybody comes into the world with nothing and -- black, or white, rich or poor -- everybody has the ability to change his or her circumstance.

            So, given the example of being born into a land of famine anywhere in the world, including America, what do you do?  I hope your answer is to leave.  It’s truly that simple; if there is no food where you’re at, you go to where there is.  Back to Sunday school for a minute.  Abraham was clearly the kind of guy I would say rose to the top (not to mention walking through fire).  When Abraham left his land of birth, he settled in Canaan.  There was a terrible famine in the land.  What did he do?  Did he complain about bad circumstance?  Did he say, “First, I’m born to an idol-maker? Then God made me move to a land with no food?”  No, he moved his family to Egypt where there was food and they stayed there until the famine was over.  By the way, that was on foot with no assistance from the Red Cross or any other modern convenience. 

            Do you see why I don’t like the whole black-Ethiopia question?  It's not because I disagree that environment influences opportunity.  In fact, I agree completely.  Environment is very important.  I dislike the question because it is cynical.  It presupposes that there are places and people who cannot change environments, thus change their circumstance.  This is a false and dangerous thought.  Stay away from people who think like this.  You shouldn’t limit yourself in this regard, nor should you let others put this type of limit on you.

            All right, let’s assume most of us have escaped severe circumstances.  There’s a roof over our head and food on the table, but we still want more.  We’re not willing to settle for being average.  Where do we go to find excellence?  It only makes sense that if you can go from a land without food to a land with food, you should also be able to go from a land of average to a land of excellence.  So, get out your map; it’s time for practical application of this theory.

            Let’s start with a term I love --  “In the mix.”  My associates and I use this expression all the time.  It means many things. But most importantly, it means you are aware of being at the right place at the right time.  I realize that I keep repeating this phrase.  But the key word here is aware.  You must know when you’ve arrived.  So many times, I’ve seen people poised for success – and then they wander off just before success arrives.  They always think there’s something better somewhere else when there’s not.  Unfortunately, people are resigned that this is human nature, which it is not.  It’s a lack of awareness.  If you know who you are and you know what you want to be, you must also be careful to be aware of where you're at and where you must go.

            A few months ago, I was at The Whiskey Bar in West Hollywood.  Plenty of Hollywood/industry types hang out there.  It’s a nice looking crowd, definitely trendy. (This crowd is good if you want your finger on the pulse of what’s going on -- but movers and shakers generally don’t hang in this crowd.)  So, I’m there just observing, trying to mind my own business, when a guy walks up with his friend and introduces himself to me.  He’s a writer who just moved to town.  It turns out he was fortunate enough to sell something and just wanted some tips on furthering some of his other projects. 

While I’m talking to the writer, a good-looking young girl plops down on the couch across from me.  She’s an actress just wondering what we were talking about. (Maybe a part for her?)  Then, along comes a nice looking guy, who sits down on the seat to my left.  I could have told you that the writer was a writer just by looking at him.  I could tell the girl was an actress by the way she sat down (shoes kicked off, feet pulled up under her at a trendy bar).  I knew the moment I saw this other guy that he didn’t fit.  A fish out of water -- even in a watering hole.

            Needless to say, I was curious.  I quizzed him, politely.  He turned out to be a DEA agent.  Not satisfied with his chosen career, he had decided to start hanging out in Hollywood in his spare time.  His goal was to have some fun, get a feel for what’s going on and maybe make some connections.  This guy sitting down at our table is the classic example of getting yourself into the mix.

            The mix is both tangible and intangible.  You have to be where what you want to do is happening.  If you want to watch football, go to a football game, not a bowling alley.  If you want to eat, go to a restaurant, not a dry cleaner.  (This should be common sense, right?)  And if you want to be in entertainment, come to LA (or New York).

            That’s the tangible.  The intangible is your attitude.  There’s nothing worse than being in the mix physically but not mentally.  Before you go mixing, make sure you're in the mood.  Your attitude says more about you in the long term than anything else.  Make sure it’s good and it comes through loud and clear.

            Many years ago, I became friends with a gentleman who was an investor in a publishing company in which I had also invested.  When I had problems with the publisher, this other investor contacted me and asked me to join him for lunch.  He explained that he was interested in working things out between the publisher and myself – in hopes of protecting his own investment too.  I agreed to meet with him and gave him instructions to my home.

            At the time, I was twenty-one years old and living in a luxury high rise on Wilshire Boulevard (this is often called the Wilshire Corridor or the Platinum Mile).  I realized that my life style was different from most (especially most twenty-one year olds) -- but I was shocked by the impression that it made on my co-investor.  Even though he was much older and far wealthier than I was, he could not get over my impressive surroundings.  I never forgot his reaction -- or the fact that he split our lunch check down to the penny.  My lawyer wound up working things out with the publisher but the co-investor and I remained friends.  However, after our first lunch I always picked up the check rather than watch a man worth fifty million dollars embarrass himself trying to decide if he had literally been shorted a few pennies.

            One afternoon, we were having lunch in a restaurant in Beverly Hills that neither of us had ever been to.  Despite the address, it was nothing fancy and I had gone big time casual in torn jeans and a sweatshirt.  At the end of the meal, the waitress handed me the check.

            My friend commented, “Why do they always give you the check?  I’m obviously older.  I used to think it was because you dressed nicer than I do. But today, you’re in old jeans and a sweatshirt!”

            The answer, of course, is attitude.  When the two of us walked into the room, his cheapness showed through.  Even a young waitress could see through him, despite all of the external appearances/signs of success.  I chose to tell you this story for two reasons.  First, I want to make clear to you that it’s important to be in the mix with the right attitude.  Second, you cannot hide a bad attitude with clothes, cars, plastic surgery, or anything else.  If your attitude is bad, stay out of the mix.

            With the right attitude, people are attracted to you the moment you walk into a room.  So, when you choose the right place, make sure you’ve chosen the right attitude.  If you want high impact, walk in smiling, introduce yourself to people, shake hands, and buy some drinks.  Let people know you’re a sport.  Let them know you’re a player.

            If you have low impact in mind, make sure you’re looking good.  Be friendly, but serious.  Let people come to you.   Ask them a lot of questions about themselves.  Listen intently; don’t look around the room.  Important people make others feel important.

            So, when it comes to attitude, take it to them or invite them to come to you.  Don’t walk in the middle of road.  If you want to be a player, walk on the left or the right.  In the middle, you’ll get run over by the traffic of mediocrity.

            It’s time to talk about the right place.  In general, we know that football stadiums are good if you’re looking to watch a game -- but there’s much more to it than that.  Say that your lawyer and you like to go the games, but you feel guilty taking time off work.  What do you do?  Take some business cards with you to the game.  People socialize during games.  Be friendly and solicit some business.  Don’t be afraid to hand out those cards.  Now, here’s the key question.  Where do you sit?  If your specialty is business or transactional law, sit on the fifty-yard line.  If your specialty is personal injury or criminal law, sit close to the end zone.  If you’re the senior partner of a major firm, get a box.

            I always tell people to look for quality.  Remember, quality is relative to what you’re trying to accomplish.  End zone seats at a game are low quality to someone who just wants to see what’s going on.  They’re even worse for someone who wants to see what’s going on and to potentially meet wealthy business clients.  However, for the lawyer specializing in DUI’s or personal injury, they are of the highest quality. 

            I’m sure most people would have expected this chapter to plunge right into LA hot spots.  Instead, as explained earlier, I have tried to lay down a philosophical foundation prior to pure, practical application.  The concept of being a player in LA, particularly in Hollywood, has universal appeal. But remember, the philosophy that makes a player has no geographical exclusive.  You can be a player in whatever you choose to do and wherever you choose to be.

            What you’ve read so far has probably led you to the conclusion that I myself am an LA player, especially in the entertainment industry.  Well, you are both right and wrong. 

            Nine years ago, I was a fast-rising star on the LA scene.  My business interests in music, fine art, and publishing had led me to the very doorstep of both the motion picture and television industries.  I knew a lot of the right people and I certainly had the financial resources.  So what happened?  I blew it.  However, that’s not the point of this book.  I went on to become a player in several other businesses until I wound up back in entertainment -- almost nine years later.

            One of the questions that I’m asked most often is, “How did you do it?” After being out of the scene for so long, how did I get back into the mix in such a big way so fast?  My answer is short, “The Four Seasons.”  That’s right, I’m talking about the hotel.

            The day after I sold my clothing company, I set my sights on reentering the entertainment industry.  Until that day, I had rarely gone to The Four Seasons.  As a player in the clothing industry, I preferred the almost European refinement of the Regent Beverly Wilshire Hotel or The Peninsula.  However, there was no mistaking the fact that while Hollywood players visit The Regent, The Peninsula, and the remodeled Beverly Hills Hotel, the real schmoozing and deal making get done at the less formal Four Seasons.

            So, I got up that morning and began my new routine.  I worked out, laid out by the pool, and made some phone calls.  I took a lunch meeting with some business associates (just to get the word out that I was looking for entertainment deals).  After lunch, I headed up to The Coffee Bean on Sunset (at the time a popular spot for young writers and actors) to hang out and start writing down some ideas.  At four o’clock, I drove over to The Four Seasons.  I picked this time so that I would beat the five o’clock rush and get the best table.  I tipped the valet and told him to leave my car in front. (If you have a nice car, never let it be parked in the garage – always keep it in front.)  Once seated inside, I pulled out some impressive reading materials.  Within fifteen minutes, a group sat down on the couches facing me.  I could not help but overhear their discussion.  The group included: a producer, an associate producer, a casting director and a writer -- all trying to put their final say into a low budget movie they were working on.

            I read and sipped my iced tea while they quizzed the casting director as to who was right and whom he could get for what part.  As this went on, I kid you not, the casting director turned to me and said, "You must have overheard some of our conversation.  What do you think?”

            I told him I hadn’t been listening intentionally. But since he asked, I gave him a list of young actresses I knew or knew of that would be right for the part they were having the most difficult time casting.

            There I was, at the right place, at the right time.  I also had the right attitude and look and within fifteen minutes, four perfect strangers were taking notes from me on who should be in their movie.  By the end of our conversation, we had shared our background, talked about other projects, and exchanged numbers.

            As long as we’re discussing my schedule -- which incidentally ties time and place together -- let’s finish the rest of that day.  At seven o’clock, I left The Four Seasons for a dinner meeting.  At nine o'clock, I met some friends at the House Of Blues.  We had drinks up in The Foundation Room and then took in the show downstairs.  After the show, we went back upstairs and hung out till closing time.

            I repeated this routine Monday through Friday almost without fail.  I adjusted my dinner and evening plans depending on the night. But from four to seven, you could always find me sitting in my seat at my table at The Four Seasons.  In fact, if you drove by and knew my car, you would know if I was there just by noticing if my car was out front or not.

            I basically turned The Four Seasons into my office.  I made new contacts there while reintroducing myself to old ones.  As the number of people who knew me grew (including the owners of the hotel), so did the number of people who wanted to know me.  In a minute, I’ll tell you about the single most important event that took place at The Four Seasons. But first, I would be remiss if I didn’t backtrack and explain The Coffee Bean connection.

            As I mentioned previously, The Coffee Bean was part of my regular afternoon schedule.  There, I met two young producers who simultaneously did several important things that put me into the center of the mix. During our first conversation, I told them of my earlier involvement in and around the entertainment industry.  It turned out that the three of us knew a colorful character in the business.  I had lost contact with this individual for years, but they hadn’t.  The following day, we met over coffee again and they gave me my old friend’s number.  I immediately called him on his cell phone.  He was so happy to hear from me that he invited me to a party he was having that night at The Peninsula. 

            The second way they brought me into the mix was their explanation to me of independent film finance.  In the course of their explanation, they described the most common and difficult hurdle in the process – the time when a producer is asked to “pay or play”.  In lawyers' terms, this is the time when you must put up the money to secure talent before they will sign a contract.  The problem, of course, is that financing can usually take place only after these contracts are signed.

            The third way they helped put me into the mix was by introducing me to the vice president of a major lending institution.  This particular bank is well known for lending to independent producers.  This meeting led to the introduction to a major distributor.

            So, let’s sum it up.  From one chance meeting at The Coffee Bean, I reestablished ties to an old friend who was a mover and shaker.  I also learned the ins and outs of independent film financing -- which led, perhaps, to the most important aspect of being in the mix: my relationship with the bank and distributor.  These relationships, under the right circumstances, put me in the position of being able to produce motion pictures.

            After the visit with my old friend at The Peninsula, an associate of his asked me to meet him at The Four Seasons the following evening. (Needless to say, I would have been there anyway.)  During the course of our conversation, several people who knew one or the other of us stopped by to say hello.  We ended the evening agreeing there was more to talk about.  I did sense that both my old acquaintance and his associate had slipped to the fringes of the mix. (This is dangerously close to an area known as LA bullshit.)  As the valet brought my car (all of twenty feet), one of the guys who knew the person I was meeting with started to talk to me (we had been introduced briefly inside.).  I told him I was serious about getting back into “the industry” -- I just hadn’t decided how.  He gave me his card and asked me to meet him for lunch at his office on the Warner Brothers lot.

            We wound up meeting several times -- but it was our first meeting that did the trick.  He said to me, “This town is filled with a bunch of whores.  Get your financing together and they’ll line up to see you.”  He shoveled some food in his mouth and continued, “I can tell by looking at you that it’s your time.  I see you often when I’m out on the town.  You’re surrounded like you’re already a studio boss.  But you gotta stay away from bullshitters like the guy you were with at The Four Seasons.”

            I raised my eyebrows.

            “Yeah, trust me -- he’s full of shit.  See, I’m on the lot because I don’t bullshit.  I’m a poor fucking slob. But I have some good projects -- and they are real projects.  Look, you’ve gotta trust me.  I know this fucking town.  It needs a guy like you in the business.”  Then, as he reached for his wallet, he realized it was not in his sweat pants.  “Oh, fuck.  I left my wallet at the office.”

            I reached for the check.  “Don’t worry about it, I got it.”

            He was relieved.  “Man, I’m sorry.  It’s just -- they took away our signing privileges and I forgot my wallet.  I’ll pay you back at the office.”

            I said, “Don’t worry about it.  I think you just helped me make up my mind.”

            He interrupted me, “ I’m telling you -- finance will take you to the top.  Oh, shit, I’ve got to get back.  Thanks for lunch.  Why don’t you come up tomorrow?  I’m meeting with some guys from New York who are extremely loaded.  I think you’ll like them.”

            We hopped into the golf cart furnished by the studio and he drove me back to my car.

            I realize this story is getting pretty involved -- but I can’t stress enough the importance of the right place.  What I’m describing to you is an entire career that was established with lightening speed, in great part due to this factor.  I could have hung out anywhere.  Instead, I chose the places that I was most likely to meet people that could impact and benefit my new career path.

            To finish my story -- and hopefully drive home this point once and for all.  You should know I took the advice from the producer at Warner Brothers.  I wrote a business plan to raise money for play or play offers.  Writing the plan gave me an education in film finance that years of film school would not have.  It also allowed me to continue to meet some of the most powerful people in the industry.

            Did the business plan itself work?  I never got the chance to find out.  The guys I met from New York the next day at Warner Bros. turned out to represent one of the top ten grossing producers in the world.  We hit it off like long lost relatives.   I had finished the business plan and I showed it to them. 

            They were so impressed, they told me, “Forget about doing packaging for other people.”

            “Why?” I asked.

            “You’ll make a lot more money putting a deal together for us.”

            When you develop and package deals for one of the top producers in the world, you find yourself very much in the center of the mix.  But, before you could find me in the center, you could find me at The Four Seasons and The Coffee Bean on Sunset.

            Just so you don’t think there are only two places worth hanging out in LA, let me go over a few others.  There are a lot of trendy places I’m going to skip because they’ll be out by the time you read this book. But the classics are worth mentioning.

            Now, I’ve mentioned some key hotels – The Beverly Hills Hotel, Regent Beverly Wilshire, The Peninsula, and The Four Seasons.  I would be remiss if I left out the Bel Air (for quiet meetings), Chateau Marmont (in particular Bar Marmont) and the Mondrian (and its low key hot spot, Skybar).  There are also some up and comers like Shutters, The Viceroy, The Standard (downtown or on Sunset), and the L’Ermitage.  All of the hotels I’ve mentioned have varying degrees of hanging out and networking potential.  Like I said earlier, survey the scene and see if it fits your needs.  In terms of meeting environments, I rate them all fairly equal.  You certainly won’t blow a deal by looking bad at any of these great establishments.  In addition, if a meeting environment is all you are looking for, I recommend adding the downtown Biltmore or Checkers to your list.

            So, we’ve talked about hotels. And while it’s true they serve food, it’s time to talk about restaurants.  If you are a player in LA, you eat at Spago's.  I had to get that out of the way.  The new location in Beverly Hills is a place to see and be seen. It is a fairly schmoozy atmosphere.  I’ve seen people actually sit down with others at their table to network and socialize.

            You can’t talk about Spago without talking about its pseudo celebrity owners: Wolfgang Puck, the chef, and Barbara Lazeroff, the operator (and Wolfgang’s wife).  The very fact that they are so well known makes Spago even more of an attraction.  You should also note other restaurants owned by this duo, like Chaya (on Main Street in Venice) and Grenada (in Malibu)  - both of which also attract the serious player crowd.

            Another great LA restaurant for the player in all of us is L’Orangerie (located on La Cienega, not too far from the happening Sunset Strip). It sets the standard for class and quality in LA.  Just down the street from L’Orangerie is Matsuhisa.  Well known as maybe the best fish restaurant in the country, its chef Nobu has also achieved a celebrity status. (I believe his restaurant Nobu in New York City is mentioned prominently in Donald Trump’s most recent book, The Art of The Comeback.)  Players frequent Matsuhisa -- and so should you if you plan on being one.

            Since my goal is not to review every player's eatery in town, let me just say that the three restaurants I’ve told you about are contemporary classics. They are potentially great for networking and they say a lot for you if you’re having a meeting there.

            Just to round out your list, here’s a few other places:  The Ivy on Robertson, Chaya (just around the corner), Morton's, Matteo's on Westwood Boulevard, Valentino's (Wolfgang himself told me that this was his favorite restaurant in LA), Rick's in Santa Monica, the Buffalo Club also in Santa Monica, Dan Tana’s in West Hollywood, Lawry's The Prime Rib on La Cienega, Crustacean (especially on Wednesdays) in Beverly Hills.  If you have a kosher player on your hands, go to Pat's on Pico, Milk and Honey (same street as Pat’s), or Steven Spielberg's mom’s place, The Milky Way. If you’re Downtown you will never go wrong at The Palm or Roy’s.

            Having covered coffee, late afternoon (tea or happy hour), hotels and dinner, it’s now time to talk nightlife.  Once again, clubs come and go too fast to start naming. But a little later, I’ll tell you how to be in the know.  Let me say this about clubs:  If you’re a player, you should stop into wherever may be hot on the best night at least once a month.  It gives you a look at what’s going on and it lets people see that you’re in touch.  A couple of places worth mentioning specifically by name: 

            -- The House Of Blues: most people have heard of it. If you want to join the ranks of player, you need to be there at least once a month.  When I’m working it, I’m there twice a week.  Don’t forget the most important part – join their private club upstairs or you’re just another show-goer.

            -- The Grand Havana Room in Beverly Hills: this is strictly members only.  Make yourself one of them.  This is a great place to go after dinner.  Like The Foundation Room, at The House of Blues, the Grand Havana attracts the A-list from Hollywood -- but serious heavyweights from all types of businesses do more than smoke there.

            If you’re going to the movies, which you should probably do once a week, frequent the Westwood or Century City theatres.  Newer complexes such as The Grove and The ArcLight (both of which boast stadium seating and lots of dining places near the theaters) are also very trendy and good spots to be seen. If you really want to make a statement, rent the Charles Aidikoff screening room on South Rodeo.

            Even though you’re not in New York, you must go to legitimate theatre.  At least once a month, you should stop into the Music Center, Disney Hall, or The Pantages.  Don’t be afraid to mix some small venues like The Geffen Playhouse or The Odyssey.  Every now and then, toss in a talent showcase.  Oh, let’s talk about The Hollywood Bowl. I say get tickets for the whole season. And to really do it right, get a box.  At the very least, check it out every now and then.

            We have lots of museums in Los Angeles.  Make sure you join them and make sure make sure you’re there for openings and special events.  The Getty (Maybe the greatest museum in the world.), L.A.C.M.A., and M.O.C.A. (I don’t mean coffee) are the bare essentials.

            Charity events should also be on your schedule.  No less than three a month.  For this, I can’t name a place -- but I can tell you these events are great because they help you while they help others.  City of Hope, Starlight Foundation, Concern, LA Partnership For The Homeless, and Divine Design are all great places to start in Los Angeles.

            You don’t need to play sports but you should watch them a little.  The Lakers, Clippers, Kings, and Dodgers are the three biggest, professional teams.  I prescribe at least one game per season per team.  If you go to more, it certainly won’t hurt -- especially if you have good seats. 

            Now, lets get you a few places to go at night.  How do you know what’s hot when you're looking to be in on the trend?  Don’t laugh about this next suggestion, I’m serious: read LA Magazine.  Believe it or not, their list of places to be is usually right on.  If you want live advice, remember those hotels you’re hanging out at?  Ask the concierge, if they’re used to seeing you. They won’t care if you’re not a guest.  They usually have pretty solid/current tips and advice.

            We’ve covered a lot in this chapter -- and yet I feel like I’ve only scratched the surface.  The truth is, right time, right place could be a book unto itself.  So, just to ease my guilt a little bit, let’s talk about health clubs – another essential element of the scene in Los Angeles. 

            I mentioned earlier the good friends, good contacts, and good workouts that came from Gold’s Gym.  So, I have to tell you to put Gold’s Gym Venice on your list.  The choice is yours.  Serious gyms aside, you must join Sports Club LA.  Besides its good looks, it is schmooze heaven.  As a counterpart to Sports Club, if you’re not into Hollywood, the LA Athletic Club still carries weight with the downtown power players. In West Hollywood, Crunch and Equinox are very popular places to workout – and be seen.

            Even though I got to them late in the chapter, you must take your choice of gym and health clubs seriously.  They truly are one of the best places to meet people.  Most players feel relaxed in their environment; I’ve gotten to know some of the biggest players in town while taking a steam.  In fact, many mornings I worked out at Gold's and then went to one of the schmoozier places for a steam, shower, and breakfast.

            Finally, there are country clubs, yacht clubs, beach clubs, and tennis clubs.  You should join one if not all of the above.  While there are many to choose from in Los Angeles, I’ll give you the short list.  If you are not Jewish, join the LA Country Club.  If you are Jewish, then join the Hillcrest. If you’re in the entertainment industry join Bel Air.  When it comes to beach clubs, if you are not Jewish, join The Jonathan Club.  If you are Jewish, join The Santa Monica Beach Club.  Last but not least, whether your Jewish or not, you’re okay to join The Beverly Hills Racquet Club.

            As I said before, all of this is just a drop in the ocean of places to be. But I can guarantee you this: there is not a player in this town that would not agree that this list will definitely begin to put you into the mix.  If your game is not in LA, remember two things.  First, the philosophy here applies to almost everywhere you go.  You might need to make your own list of places, but the categories should be the same.  Second, on a national scale, Los Angeles is extremely important. If you aspire to be a player on a national level, LA may not apply to you now, but I can promise you, one day it probably will.  I’ll see you in the mix.

            People who have argued this point with me usually think of this issue along the lines of the classic Winston Churchill story.  One night at a fancy party, Churchill had been drinking heavily.  A society lady took offense to his state of inebriation and said, “Mr. Prime Minister, you are drunk.”

            He replied, “And you are ugly.  The difference is, in the morning I will wake up sober -- but you will still be ugly.”

            So, to those who believe that beauty is skin deep, which in the literal sense it may be, my title for this chapter is objectionable.

            Needless to say, I have linked good looks or beauty to other levels that go beyond God given appearances.  Our approach to becoming a player is pro-active.  “If you are good looking (God given), you still must go out of your way to look good.  Of course, it’s ideal to be good looking and also look good.  But, which is more important?  Which says the most about who you are?  The one over which you have control.

            God may have made one person short and one person tall.  Someone else may have a full head of hair and the other is bald. Yet I have never met the person that God made dirty, un-groomed, poorly dressed or slovenly.  I have never assumed anything about a person's character based on their height (I hope you haven’t) or their hairline.  However, I have assumed many things after observing the appearance factors that fall under one’s own self-control.

            So, my position is a simple one.  It is better to look good than to be good-looking because looking good is a way of communicating who you are and what you are about.  Being good-looking is certainly a blessing from God, but so is beauty in general.  It says nothing about who the person is. 

            For example, I think roses are beautiful.  If this were a romance novel, I would certainly write a spicy love scene that takes place on a bed covered with rose petals.  We all know that the same scene would not be very romantic if it took place in the garden on top of a thorny rose bush.  A rose that still has its thorns screams out my point (no pun intended) – “I’m beautiful on the surface. Look at my petals -- give me a smell.  Wait a minute, don’t reach any deeper or you’re going to get hurt because just below my petals, there are thorns.”  When most of us give roses, we have the thorns removed.  We know that their beauty can be improved and we become proactive to see that it is.

            If you will indulge me for a minute, I just had a thought that I had no plan to write about, but I would like to share with you.  I remember an interview I once watched on "60 Minutes" with jazz legend Miles Davis.  In that interview, they described the brilliant and beautiful accomplishments of the musical great -- but they described his personality as “thorny" and  "prickly."  It seems many people with God given extraordinary talents, looks or otherwise, have thorny, prickly personalities. 

            In the past, I had always taken this description of someone’s personality to be factual and nothing more.  Now, given the example or the entire context of the rose, I would say that this description is conditional.  A prickly personality is not necessarily a type of personality unto itself.  Rather, it’s any personality that is in need of and has the ability to be improved.  Pardon my digression, but the thought certainly clarifies the example just a little bit more.

            So, hopefully we’ve established the importance of looking good.  Let’s now talk about why it’s important.  Sure, it’s important because it communicates who you are.  But, how does it do that and what does it say?

            Looking good communicates who you are in several ways.  The first and most dominant way is instinctively.  By this I mean other people’s instincts, both innate and developed. (That’s right, I’m saying that we’re born with some instincts and others are learned, based on individual human need or desire.)  How many times have you heard someone say, “I have a good feeling about him” (certainly this is not literal, like squeezing fruit at the market.) or "my gut tell me he or she is telling the truth"?  People state these instinctual perceptions based in large part what their senses say about you.

            One of the most obvious examples is cleanliness.  People are naturally attracted to someone who looks clean and well kept.  This is an innate and developed instinct, which makes it a particularly strong attraction.

            Innately, human beings prefer cleanliness.  If you give a child a choice between sleeping in a clean bed and a dumpster filled with garbage, the child will choose the bed.  On the other hand, we grow up hearing that cleanliness is next to godliness.  We learn about the ill effects of germs and bacteria on our own health.  If anyone of us was wheeled into an operating room and the surgeon was dressed in dirty jeans and a T-shirt -- with no mask on and no gloves -- we would flip out.  Hell, I won’t get a manicure unless I know that they sterilize their nail files and other instruments.

            The point is simple.  We sense clean with our eyes, our noses, and our sense of touch.  We certainly can sense it through taste and even, to some degree, with our ears.  It is a base instinct as well as a learned one.  If you want to be a player, you must look clean and well kept in every possible way.

            There is a saying: “To seduce a woman, you must overwhelm her senses."  I actually had a conversation with a very attractive girl who told me she had slept with a guy on the first date because he seemed so clean.  She said, “He was clean, his car was clean, and his house was so clean too.  I just got turned on.”  She didn’t have a chance to get to know him well enough to determine whether she liked him or not -- but her senses were simply overwhelmed by this one positive factor.

            Another instinct that is both basic and learned is the attraction to what’s positive and comfortable.  This tends to be more about attitude than outward appearances. But still, few of us would be happy to be strapped into a dental chair and then see our dentist enter the room dressed in a leather and spike S&M dominator outfit.  He may still say, “This won’t hurt a bit” -- but would you believe him?

            I spoke about attitude earlier, as it relates to the right place and right time.  If you think about the attitude that I described in the context we are now speaking, you should realize it was one that relayed both a positive and comfortable look and feeling.

            For the sake of your look, however, it is not good enough to just tell you how to work a room.  You cannot truly create a look of a positive, comfortable person as we’ve said earlier if you are not one.  If you recall, we talked about the young waitress who sensed (instinctively) that my friend was cheap.  So to look like a positive comfortable person, you must take some time to develop the proper attitude.  To help, I’ll tell you a couple of stories.

            The first is not my story at all.  I saw it many years ago on the television classic,             “The Twilight Zone."  (Why don’t they make shows like that anymore?)  A wealthy, older man was dying. So, he invited his unloving, scheming, unworthy heirs to spend his last dying days as guests at his home.  The conditions of their being eligible to inherit from his estate were that they must stay with him and they must wear grotesque looking masks during their stay.

            If you remember this episode, you know that the masks were devilishly magical.  At the time of the old man’s death, the heirs removed their masks only to find out that their faces had been transformed to the shape of the grotesque masks they had worn.

            In reality there is no need for a magical mask.  If you think positive, comfortable thoughts, people will not only perceive them as a rich source of energy, they will see it in your look - the look on your face and in your posture.

            To take this one step further, I would also like to suggest that through a positive attitude, you can influence your looks for the better.  I’ve always been amazed at pictures of babies in a nursery.  Personally, I cannot tell one from the other.  I had never thought that anything more than genes influenced how we grow up to look until one very sad but enlightening day.

            It is necessary, prior to the actual burial at funeral, that a member of the family or close friend must identify the body -- which is to be buried.  I had never thought much of this, nor had I understood stories of bodies being mixed up at the morgue as anything other than incompetence.

            On the day of the funeral of one of my uncles, I was asked to be the one that gave a positive identification.  As I stared at my uncle, trying to be sure, the funeral director became nervous.  He asked, “Is everything all right?”

            I nodded my head that it was. But my uncle looked so different -- even I was momentarily in doubt.

            In case you’re wondering, it had not been that long since the last time I had seen my uncle.  In fact, I was at his bedside the week before he died.  The reason it was hard for me to recognize him was simply that he had died.  Prior to his death, he had a particularly friendly and outgoing personality.  So much so that you could tell he was friendly just by looking at him.  After his death and the loss of his personality, he just didn’t look as unique as he had during his life – which made it harder to recognize/identify him. 

            This of course made me think back to the nursery filled with those generic looking babies.  I realized that while genes may guide their looks, it would be their personalities that would actually determine how they looked.   What they visualize themselves to be will, to a large extent, become their reality.  For a child, this happens more as a matter of circumstance. But for you, as an adult, it can happen as a matter of choice.

            I realize I am not a scientist -- but look, if you will, at how many possibilities really exist.  As a kid, I used to play with a toy called Mr. Potato Head. (Do you remember Mr. Potato Head?)  Basically, you snapped a limited selection of facial features onto this plastic potato.  Depending on what you snapped on and where, this determined how Mr. Potato Head looked.  To help you out, the back of the box had pictures of all of the various looks you could hope to achieve.

            Do you see where I’m going?  God set some basic parameters in putting us together.  Two eyes, two ears, a nose, and a mouth (if all goes according to plan).  All of these features on a surface, which is a pretty standard circumference, give or take a few inches.  Even changing sizes and angles a fraction of an inch at a time, how many possibilities might there be?  A thousand, ten thousand, one hundred thousand?  Maybe even a million possible combinations?  If this is the case then why, on a planet of almost six billion, does everybody look different?

            We look different not so much because of what we are but because of who we are. If you are a player on the inside, you will look like a player on the outside.

            Our second anecdote should drive this point home.  While it comes from the Bible, scholars aren’t sure whether it should be considered to be metaphorical or literal -- but for our purposes, there is no difference.  King Solomon, the son of King David, achieved the highest levels of both wisdom and wealth that any man has ever known.  There is a story that says Solomon was removed from his throne by a demon that assumed his appearance in every way with the exception of his legs, which he covered with the King’s robe.  While the demon reigned, the real Solomon found himself in rags wandering the countryside.  When he came to a small town to reside, they asked him who he was.

            He answered, “I am King Solomon.”  The townspeople thought him crazy and they ridiculed him -- but he would only respond, “I am Solomon.”

            As time went by and the townspeople came to see the wisdom of the stranger, they came to believe that he was indeed the real King Solomon.  So they went with Solomon to visit his court where the demon now sat.  Looking under the fake king’s robe, they saw legs of the demon (the king was naked) and the demon fled.

            Because Solomon knew who he was -- despite adverse circumstances and the lack of belief of others -- he prevailed.  Because he saw himself as the king, he behaved like a king. And in the end, he was recognized not by what people saw on the outside but by what was on the inside -- which influenced the outside.

            By this time, you should be looking clean and well groomed/maintained.  You should certainly look positive and comfortable. But things would not be complete if you did not look successful.  Once again, very few elements will attract people to you like the look of success.  In this chapter, we will once again deal with the more intangible aspects of this look -- leaving the practical applications for the following chapter.  Why am I doing that?  To lay a solid foundation…

            When it comes to success, I will once again assert that its attraction factor is both an innate and a learned instinct.  It’s hard to imagine that a human being is born with the desire for success. So once again, I have to refer back to my early days in Sunday school.

            In Biblical Egypt, his advisors warned Pharaoh that a Jewish leader would be born who would lead his people out of Egypt, freeing them from bitter slavery.  Pharaoh’s horrible solution was to kill all of the male children born to the Jews by drowning them in the Nile River.  Ironically, as Pharaoh’s daughter bathed in this very same river, she discovered a basket floating down the Nile. The basket contained a baby named Moses. 

            Pharaoh was in a difficult situation.  He knew the child was Jewish -- and therefore the potential savior of the Jews. Yet his daughter loved the child and wanted to keep it.  So he and his wise men devised a test.

            Before the child (Moses), they would place two trays.  One filled with bars of gold and the other filled with white, hot coals.  The ruling would be if the child reached for the gold, he was a threat to Pharaoh and must surely die.  If he reached for the coals, he was no threat and would be allowed to live.

            Most of you know the end of the story.  Moses instinctively reached for the gold as all children would. But an angel intervened and pushed his hand to the hot coals.  Having passed the test, he was allowed to live -- and of course he fulfilled his destiny of leading the Jews to freedom.

            I cannot think of a story that goes more to the root of success than this.  First, it illustrates completely that there is from the time of birth an attraction to success.  Pharaoh was a genius; he knew that this was innate to all children.  Pharaoh wasn’t looking to see if Moses had some exceptional attraction to success by placing a choice of gold or coals in front of him.  The overwhelming odds were that he would reach for the gold, allowing Pharaoh to have him killed.  What Pharaoh was really looking for was what he thought to be an overwhelming sign of a lack of attraction to success.

            He thought surely a child that would reach for an object that was plain white instead of shiny gold would indicate a lack of vision.  In other words, a child that would touch something that was burning hot and painful to the touch rather than cool and soothing to the touch must be a child destined to failure and certainly no threat to Pharaoh.

            So what went wrong?  How could maybe the wisest men who ever lived design a test that would fail them so completely? The answer we already know.  There are two different types of success, both of which were perfectly represented by the objects placed in front of Moses by Pharaoh.  The downfall of Pharaoh and his wise men was that they only understood the success represented by gold. They believed success was represented by something rare, pure, and beautiful.  They gave importance to the shine and the flash of the object -- not its deeper meaning.  To this day, we still do this.

            Gold is still considered the commodity most synonymous with success.  Let’s face it -- if we have gold, we put it in our safe.  If we have charcoal, we put it in our barbecue.  So what did Pharaoh and his men not understand?  They didn’t understand that there is success that is learned.  This type of success is the antithesis of that which is innate.  So they made their mistake.  When they chose an object that they believed was the antithesis of success, they did not realize they had really chosen an object that still represented success -- just that it was a completely different type of success. 

            As the story unfolds, we realize a much more powerful type of success.  What is it about hot coals which represents learned success?  Actually, there are so many things.  Perhaps my favorite is the concept of energy potential.  Coal -- given the right circumstance (namely a match) -- will release energy, changing the world around it.  I mentioned earlier the difference of how or where we store coal with respect to gold. But this example was our innate perception.  Our learned concept of success would cause us to understand that coal is far more valuable.  For example, if you fill your barbecue with gold, you better get used to eating raw meat.  If you fill your furnace with gold, there is a good chance you will freeze to death.  In these and many more cases, we see that the energy potential in coal leads to success far more often than the qualities of gold.

            In summary, we see there are clearly two types of success.  Innately, we perceive success as that which is beautiful and rare.  Through learning, we see there is success in humility and the potential to impact the environment around us.  While both are clearly desirable, learned success is far more powerful than that which is innate.  So, before we put success into the context of being a player, let’s define success for our purposes.  (Definitions are very important.)  Success in terms of being a player is being perceived as having more than one needs.  This is otherwise known as having abundance.

            You should be asking yourself, “An abundance of what?”  The answer is: of everything.  There are the obvious things like money, bedrooms, cars, houses -- and certainly food.  The less obvious, but more powerful are the things we have just learned about.  They translate to time, energy (both physical and emotional), and sensitivity -- which lead to empathy, sympathy and compassion.  To be a player, you must be perceived as either having more of these elements than you need for yourself or for the potential of having more of these elements than you need for yourself.

            Why is this and how does this make you a player?  To answer this, you must understand there are five types of people -- but for our purpose, we need only to talk about three.  To a player, people are givers, takers, or neither.  The reality is simple: most people fall into the category of takers.  Take a group of successful people and put them in a room with cocktails and hors d’oeuvres.  As they look around the room to find someone to socialize with, what are they thinking?  Are they thinking, who in here might be down on their luck?  Maybe I could lend them some money?  Or, are they thinking, who in here might have something interesting to say?  Who in here might be a good business contact?  Who in here would I like to sleep with?  Unfortunately most people, I guarantee you, are thinking the latter ideas rather than the former.  They are thinking what can I get more than what can I give?

            To be a player, you must understand this concept and use this.  You must be far more of a giver than a taker.  Let people know that they can benefit from you and they will swarm around you.  Opportunity will abound.  Unfortunately, here is where I must give you some objectionable and distasteful advice.  Being a player at this point is not about being a philanthropist.  For our purposes we are not really just giving.  We are giving to get back.

            Because we know most people are takers, I am advising you to take advantage of that fact.  Let them come running to you to take. But make sure you get or will get what you want from them.  Don’t waste your time with people who just want to take from you and have nothing to give in return.  Remember -- no matter how much you have to give -- if you are giving, people’s demands will always exceed what you have left to give. 

            Ironically, you will see as a giver that you will take much more than the taker.  It is never pleasant to tell others to manipulate situations or take advantage of the weakness in other people's characters. But in the case of looking successful, it is of paramount importance.

            Now, how do you look?  You’re clean and have a well-maintained appearance.  You’re positive and comfortable in your attitude/demeanor.  Finally, you are successful -- you are someone that people know, immediately upon sight that they can benefit from.  If you have these things going for you, it does not matter if God blessed you with good looks or not.  Instead, you have been blessed with looking good, which comes from good character.  Good character is much more important than good looks -- especially if you want to be a player.

Chapter 4

“Clothes Make The Man”

            Adam and Eve lived in the Garden of Eden happily -- without a stitch of clothing.  When they ate from the tree of knowledge, they realized that they were naked and tried to cover themselves.  They had been warned not to eat from this tree -- told that it was a sin for which the consequences were grave.

            Apparently, the first of the grave consequences was the awareness of not having clothes.   What’s so serious about this?  After all, there were no clothes in the garden.  Why would Adam and Eve suddenly feel the need to be covered?  For the answer, we can look to our own experience.  Like Adam and Eve, we entered the world unclothed.  As we develop both mentally and physically, we become aware of our nakedness.  The difference between them and us is only that their awareness came in an instant while ours comes over a much longer period of time. 

            Do you see that in both cases knowledge and awareness resulted in the putting on of clothes?  Now, we know where our clothes came from -- but what about Adam and Eve's?  Who was their tailor?  The answer, of course, is God himself.

            Let’s take a moment to talk about the first wardrobe known to man.  It is said that these first articles of clothing made by God were unique in a few ways.  The first distinction was that they never wore out or became soiled.  (I have a pair of Levi's jeans that can almost make this claim.)  The second was that the patterns found on the surface of the fabric both soothed and attracted all of the animals in the Garden of Eden.  So what can we say about the purpose of clothes and how we should view them?  The obvious answer is that they protect us from the elements. But from the story of Adam and Eve, we see that clothes should be viewed as a tool.  They should be of the highest quality and they should influence those who wear them as well as those who see them being worn. 

            Remember, Adam and Eve did not eat meat.  God created clothes for them to successfully interact with the animals of the Garden, not eat them.  To take this a step further, we will have to take a brief step into the world of mysticism...

            It is a well-known mystical belief that every human soul has an animal counterpart.  It can be said, based on this belief, that elements or certain character traits that we see in human behavior are actually derivatives of the links to our soul's animal counterpart.

            If you apply our suggestion in chapter three that our physical traits or looks are greatly influenced by our internal traits (character, attitude) you may also assume that there is a correlation between the link to our soul's animal counterpart and our looks.  I was once asked to explain this concept to an important member of the clergy.  Upon doing so, I added that I felt I could actually perceive or see in some people to what animal their souls were linked.  This final statement, by its very nature, compromised the intellectual integrity of the theory I was presenting – but it creates a good example for us.

            The clergyman jumped on my assertion of practical application, asking me to give him examples.  I chose a particular member of his congregation that he was having a great deal of trouble with. 

            I said, “You don’t need me to prove this to you. Just take a look at John (I’m changing the name to protect the member’s identity).  What type of animal does he look like to you?” 

            As a man of the clergy, he probably didn’t want to say. So, he shrugged his shoulders and responded, “I don’t know.”

            Let me tell you, if John hadn’t been five ten and standing on two legs, he would have been digging up my backyard and running from my cat with the rest of the weasels. That’s right, this guy looked like a weasel and he acted like one too.

            I then gave my answer, “He’s a weasel.  Doesn’t he look like a weasel to you?"

            The clergyman sat before me and then slowly nodded his head, “I never thought of it that way, but you’re right.  If the soul has an animal counterpart, he would definitely be a weasel.”

            I got up to leave and he motioned for me to sit back down.  He leaned forward and, in a quiet voice, asked me, “What’s George (again, changing the name to protect identity)?  I need him to back me on a couple of proposals and I don’t feel like we’re communicating.”

            I smiled.  “George is an easy one.  See how tall and thin he is?”

            “Yes.  Go on.”

            “You see how gentle his mannerisms are?”

            “Yes.”

            “His education at Harvard and Oxford?  Clearly, George is a giraffe.”

            The clergyman nodded his head.  “I see what you mean. But how do I deal with him?”

            “Understand his perspective.  He feels above congregational politics.  He’s looking down at your situation.  If you want him to listen, you have to talk up to him.  Remember, he’s not a meat eater. So, don’t expect him to fight for any of your positions with tenacity.”

            He extended his hand across the table to me.  “Stan, that’s amazing.”

            The next week, we met again.  He told me things were going much better with George -- but he could no longer look at John without laughing.  He said, “In fact, I can’t go anywhere and not think about or try to guess what type of animal connections the people I meet might have.  It’s driving me crazy.”

            Adam and Eve’s clothing allowed them to manipulate the animals with whom they shared the world.  Our clothes, through their connection to the animal counterparts of the souls around us, allow us to do the same.  Here is an example.  A bull is synonymous with testosterone.  Show him the color red and he becomes more than a little aggressive.  Show a man a beautiful woman in a red dress and you’ll see some real bull.  The reverse is also true.  Women often find heightened attraction to men in red sports cars.  They’ll say it’s the car, but unless the person involved is your mother, I say it’s the color red.

            So, we’ve learned the first purpose of clothing is to protect us from the elements.  In our terms, it means our clothing should be congruent to our environment.  If you’re at the beach in the summer, wear a swimsuit.  If you’re holiday shopping in New York City this winter, wear a warm jacket.  This sounds like I’m stating the obvious. But I often see people who are not dressed appropriately for the environment they’re in at that moment.  Some do it because they don’t know better.  Others do it because they think it makes some kind of statement of individuality that will attract attention.  The truth is, it will attract attention, but it’s the wrong kind of attention. 

            Being a player and making a spectacle of oneself simply don’t mix.  The very basis of being a player, as we’ve discussed, is controlling your life and your environment.  This control is achieved through integration, not separation.  The right clothes for the right environment speak for you:  “This is my world.  This is my life.  I know who I am and what I’m about.”  Choosing the wrong clothes tells people you’re either oblivious to the world around you or you don’t care.  No one respects the person who shows up for the game and then refuses to play on the same field as everybody else.

            Many years ago (before 9-11), my girlfriend at the time and I made a trip to New York.  It was during the holiday season but the weather was unusually mild.  Whenever we traveled, we tried to mix the trendy spots, the local spots, and the tourist traps into our trip.  For lunch on this particular day, we decided on Windows On The World.

            You may or may not know that Windows On The World was located at the top of one of the World Trade Centers.  I knew this -- but what I did not know was that coat and tie were required for lunch.  Upon arrival (in slacks and a dress shirt), the Maitre d' informed me of this fact.  The good news, he told me, was that they could supply me with a coat and tie -- saving me a hungry trip back to the hotel. 

            Now, growing up without brothers meant I knew nothing of sharing clothes with my own flesh and blood.  I sure as hell wasn’t ready to put on a coat and tie that might have been worn by hundreds or even thousands of others.  So, I declined.  I argued that my girlfriend should have been informed of the dress code when she made the reservation -- but the Maitre d' would not budge.  I argued that I was from Los Angeles.  That didn’t work either.  I even pointed out that my slacks and shirt were made by Giorgio Armani and cost a hell of a lot more money than the cheesy coat and tie he was offering me.  Still, he would not hear of it and would not back down on the dress code.

            There I was -- sitting at the best table in the house, wearing a blazer and tie that looked like something Ted Knight would have worn in the movie “Caddyshack”.  Everybody stared or at least gave a look.  Why shouldn’t they?  I was the only person in the room who clearly had not worn the appropriate clothes for this environment.  It was the first and last time in my life that I found myself in this situation.  Remember, it’s always better to overdress than to under-dress.  Know about the environment you are going to be in and prepare for it ahead of time.  Once you know what the appropriate clothes are for your environmental forays, you should take the second lesson of Adam and Eve to heart.  Their clothes never wore out.  So, short of a trip to the Divine tailor, always buy quality.

            I realize that there are degrees of quality -- so I’ll narrow it down to three choices for you.  If money is no object, then buy the very best quality.  For almost everybody else, buy the best quality.  If you are broke, buy very good quality.  In practical terms, if we were talking about men’s suits, I would have just told you to buy Brioni or Armani (you can substitute Zegna) and if things are bad, go for Donna Karan, Polo, or Calvin Klein. I’ve often told people that they are better off having one of the suits I’ve just mentioned than a closet full of lesser quality.  

            When you wear quality clothing, you are showing the manifestation of both your pursuits and your character.  This manifestation of quality is integral to our concept of looking good.  Quality clothing should incorporate the notions and being/looking clean and put together – as well as exuding the sense of being positive and comfortable -- and certainly successful.  If your clothes don’t communicate the above, they do not say quality.

            We have all heard it said, “That clothes make the man.” (You can imagine, then, what they do for a woman!)  Then, you should also understand the saying “A good man is hard to find.”  Is either statement correct?  Yes and no.

            Clothes make the man -- only after his correct choice makes the clothes.  As we’ve said before, the identity one derives from clothing cannot be superimposed by an external force.  It must be an internal expression.  Once the process leading to the final expression is made, then clothes can make the man by impacting his environment. 

            Is a good man really hard to find?  Once again, the answer is yes and no.  This saying doesn’t necessarily suggest that there is a shortage of good men -- just a shortage of identifiable good men.  Dressed correctly, a good man is actually easy to find.  (That’s why police, firemen, and doctors all wear uniforms.)  The difficulty only comes from the lack of those who express quality in the way that they dress.  Finally, we know from the story of Adam and Eve that clothes can impact human interaction to the point of manipulation.  I mentioned earlier the effect of red on a bull and its similar effect on a man when it’s the color of a woman’s dress. (They even made a movie that proves this point --“The Woman In Red”.) So today, how do we understand what allows clothes to manipulate our environment?  In the story of Adam and Eve, it was the print of the fabric.  Today, it is the style, the color, and the name of the label.

            The style of our clothing and its relativity to our surrounding environment can say almost anything we desire.  If a young woman wears thigh high plastic boots and hot pants and then takes a walk through the Hollywood section of Sunset Boulevard, she is probably telling you that she will have sex with you for money.  When salesmen come to meet with you in a suit and tie, they’re trying to tell you that what they are selling is reliable.  When they come to you in slacks and a shirt, they’re trying to tell you that whatever they are selling is either creative or that they feel comfortable with you -- or both.  When a woman goes on a date well dressed, but not showing much skin, she’s telling you she’s looking to be serious.  However, if she is wearing a business suit on a date, she is letting you know that she is independent and intent on keeping her identity firmly intact.  If she shows up dressed provocatively, refer to my first example.

            When choosing style, carefully consider what it is you wish to communicate with your clothing/image.  If you are trying to communicate the principles we’ve been discussing, make sure they are personally relevant.  The goal is not to create a million players who all look alike.  Rather, what I hope to accomplish is individual expression with insight and purpose -- while given a set of parameters.

            Recently, I gave a criminal defense lawyer some advice on what type of suit to wear.  First, I advised him to buy the best quality.  His clients definitely need to feel/see that he’s successful.  Then, I told him he really needs two different styles.  In the office and for client meetings, he should wear double-breasted suits.  In court, especially in front of juries, he should wear very conservative, more subdued single-breasted suits.

            I chose the double-breasted suit because they say unconventional and outside of the establishment.  At the same time, they say unique style and success with a touch of flash.  This speaks to the criminal in all of us.  In fact, most of the famous gangsters had double-breasted suits in their wardrobe.  If you want their business, it’s best if you can give them a style to which they can relate. This is really about knowing your audience.

            For court, I chose single-breasted for him. If you want positive results from a jury, they have to trust what you’re saying.  A single-breasted suit says you’re just a regular guy trying to present the facts as they are.  You definitely don’t want to look too flashy or overpaid.  Juries don’t give breaks to people they feel are trying to buy their way out (unless you’re a celebrity).  Sometimes the best style is a lack of style. 

            So, when choosing the style that best serves you, think about two things: First, if I were an animal, what kind would I want to be?  Once you’ve decided, create a style that best represents the characteristics of that animal.  For your second consideration, examine what type of people with whom you will be interacting.  What are their animal characteristics?  Make sure your choice of animal is conducive with those with whom you will be interacting.  Remember the example of the lawyer?  In the office where he deals with sharks, I dressed him like a Great White.  In the courtroom, where he’s talking to sheep, I was careful not to dress him like a wolf.  Instead, I chose to dress him as a wolf in sheep’s clothing.

            Color, as we mentioned in the case of red, has enormous impact on our environment and the people around us.  Why colors have the effects that they do is something we can only speculate on.  Most probably, there is a correlation with the four elements.  After all, our bodies are the synthesis of the four elements: earth, wind, fire, and water.  It would only make sense that there is an external recognition factor.  In other words, the very elements that we are comprised of are actually attracted to the colors that represent them in our physical reality. 

            It would also be a fair assumption to say that the four elements are found in varying degrees in each of us.  I’ve certainly met people who are fiery and plenty of people who are earthy.  All of us know a few airheads and, of course, someone who’s cool.  In these descriptions or characterizations what we are saying or describing is the case where we clearly see an individual who is comprised more strongly of one element than the others. (This is also supported by astrology -- which can identify a person's specific chart/elements.)  While these elements themselves correspond to colors, the colors like us are a synthesis of their relationships to the elements.  So understand that while air is white, fire is red, earth is brown, and water is blue.  They are all interdependent and rarely absolute.

            For example, if you look at the sky, you would say that it’s blue.  However, if you take an empty bottle to as high an altitude as an airplane can fly and capture some air, upon examination back down here on earth, you will see that it looks just like the air in the very room you are standing in.

            The same can be said for the ocean.  If you stand on the beach in the daytime, the water looks blue.  If you stand on the beach at night, the water looks black -- as does the sky.  You know the rest -- if you take the jar and scoop the water out of the ocean like the air before it, the water is no longer blue.  Do you see that white is our base and blue is the result of the interaction or synthesis of the elements of water and air in this case?  The two, when combined in the right volume and ratio, cause light to be refracted in such a way that we perceive both the resulting color and the interaction.

            Another way of understanding how to use color is to know the significance of the color found in the stones that represent the twelve tribes.  For our purposes, we need to only discuss three colors.  The first is the sapphire.  Its color blue, for our purposes, represents the spiritual and or philosophical impact you should try to achieve.  It is no coincidence that so many religious people wear black, part of the blue category. Depending on how much of an impact you wish to make from this category determines how much of these types of color you should wear.

            The second stone is ruby.  This is the stone of fertility and it represents the category of red.  If you wish to make a sexual impact, wear colors from this category.  Remember, that the impact of red is the opposite of blue.  Red is physical, blue is spiritual.  Be careful how you mix the two -- but be sure that you do.

            Finally, there is the pearl (not a stone), which represents money.  The color associated with the pearl is usually white.  Bankers in America may court green, but their shirts are traditionally white.  If your environment requires you to impact it financially, the white category should be used. 

            Let’s go back to the criminal defense attorney that I had advised on the style of his suits.  What color category did I tell him to choose from?  That’s right, I told him to choose from blue, or dark relatives of blue.  For his clients, the spiritual component of blue is important.  After all, they are looking for a savior or redeemer.  For a jury, the spiritual component is important because it gives intangible credibility. And at the same time, it reminds them that they too will be judged one day. 

            Hopefully, you now have a greater understanding of how to use color.  Remember, when you combine style and color, there must be a balance of impact.  Don’t try to mix a conservative style equally with an aggressive color.  On the other hand, feel free to balance an aggressive style with a spiritual color.  The key to successfully mixing the two categories will always be in the balance.

            The third aspect that is integral to how our clothing impacts our environment is who made them.  The designer, the clothes (especially quality, style and color), and the advertising all combine to make the name of what we wear very important. 

            Let’s take a look at what makes a designer important. (Please note that I have made a clear distinction between the designer and the name of the clothing. It is possible for them to be different.)  First, there is his or her attention to quality, style and color.  We’ve discussed these topics in great detail -- but it is clearly up to the designer to give us the high caliber choices we need in each area.  This is a responsibility that requires both ability and talent -- qualities that make a designer successful, as well as his customers.

            A designer’s personal style also affects his patrons.  Today top designers are very much public figures -- giving the clothes they create a life that is often synonymous with their own.  When we buy their clothes, we too become linked to their lifestyle/image.

            So before buying clothes, consider the lifestyle of their makers.  For example, when I was growing up my father saw to it that I earned my money working in the family business doing hard physical labor. (Mostly unloading or loading trucks.)  My clothing of choice: Levi Strauss -- a no-nonsense guy who made his money supplying miners and other working class men. 

            In this example, the designer isn’t alive but the clothing that bears his name is still synonymous with how he made his living.  His style in this case was his work.

            When I became an adult, my livelihood no longer required physical labor.  The designers whose styles seemed to represent my life best were Ralph Lauren and Giorgio Armani.  I chose Ralph for leisure and Giorgio for more formal occasions.

            Remember, this aspect of choosing my clothing was not the only consideration -- but its focus is on the designers' personal lifestyles.  I know a lot about Ralph Lauren since his is a well- known personal success story.  Ralph (born Ralph Lifschitz) was born in the Bronx a long way from the polo grounds.  I could relate to him, having been born in East LA.  Ralph always looks well groomed. Ralph collects cars, mostly Ferraris or Rolls Royces. 

            As a kid, I used to collect cars, mostly hot wheels and matchbox. As an adult, I did at one time have a seventeen-car collection that included several Ferraris and a Rolls Royce.  Ralph collects castles.  Believe me, if I had his money so would I.  Now I don’t really know if Ralph plays polo as much as he sells it, but I assume he likes horses and so do I.  Finally, even if Ralph doesn’t play much polo, he certainly stays in good shape.  I hope when I’m his age, I look as fit as he does.  So you can see why, when it comes to leisure, I identify with Ralph.  Now when it comes to business, I switch to Armani.  The switch is hard to explain in this context since I know little about the designer. But as they say, a picture is worth a thousand words.

            Many years ago, while I was still in college, I decided my Ralph Lauren look was great for a student, but I needed to expand on it as I began my career as an entrepreneur.  By the way, Ralph certainly makes some great suits for business -- they just seemed too conservative for my style. 

            So, having consulted with my mother and my older sister, I decided to catch the first day of the Beverly Hills Robinson’s fifty percent off sale.  The store was mobbed and, to my surprise, the racks that held the merchandise that I was familiar with had been removed.  In their place were tons of racks filled with suits with cheesy Italian sounding names that I had never heard of.  I looked on in disgust -- unlike the rest of the idiots that had turned out.  They obviously only shopped on this one day a year. So, they had no idea that the merchandise had been switched.  Just as I began to leave, I noticed one wall rack that had two lonely suits that looked as if they had been forgotten.

            Taking them off the rack, I looked at them carefully.  They were beautiful (unlike the rest of the stuff that had been put out).   I was excited as I read the label “Giorgio Armani.”  Two Armani suits in the whole place and they were in my hands.  I didn’t even care that they weren’t my size (they were way too large). 

            Calmly, I walked to the counter and said,  “I’ll take these.”

            The salesman looked at the suits, then carefully at the labels and price tags.  “I don’t think these are on sale.”

            I answered indignantly and in a slightly elevated voice, “Your ad said every suit half off.”

            A crowd began to look on.  “Let me call my manager.”

            The manager came, looked at the suits and the crowd that was watching.  “Where did you get these from?”

            I pointed to the wall rack, away from the rest of the racks.  “Over there.”

            The manager turned to the salesman.  “Go ahead and ring him up.  We wouldn’t want to be accused of false advertising.”   He then turned to me.  “These are quite a buy for a young man.  You know that they are not your size.”

            “Yeah -- but I have a good tailor.  At this price, I’ll take a chance.”

            After buying the two Armani suits and having them tailored, I watched a video of Armani’s fall collection.  The show was impressive. But the image I remember to this day is of Giorgio walking on to the stage after his show, followed by his assistants.  His command of the room was unlike any designer I had ever seen (before or since).  He had complete command -- and yet a sense of sincere humility.  I never needed to know anything else.  Ninety percent of my business wardrobe became Armani.

            As Armani’s success grew, my choice of wearing his clothes early on became a trademark of sorts.  Countless times over the years, business associates have commented on my clothing.  It’s true that part of their association is price or look, but there is still another part that is with the designer himself.  In this case, it has been an association that has served me quite well.

            After looking at the designer behind the label, look at the clothes the label is on.  Don’t think that a Haines Beefy T-shirt with Ralph Lauren, Calvin Klein or Donna Karan is now designer clothing.  Because of the mega bucks behind a designer's name, most sell out to some degree.  So, instead of designing clothes, they license the name they have built to T-shirt and jean manufacturers.  This is pretty much a scam and a waste of your money.  If you’re going to buy a label, make sure it’s on the type of clothing that is consistent with what the designer you’ve chosen is known for.

            Finally, there is advertising.  A well-known brand has to be supported by advertising.  In an ideal world, this wouldn’t be the case because all of the other worthy elements of your clothes would speak for themselves. But today, we live in the Information Age.  This affects clothing as it does many other things because people think much less and are told much more.  Over the years, I have often asked people what they think.  As time has gone by, the answer to this question has gotten shorter and shorter – they are so used to being told what to think.

            Conversely, ask anyone who watches CNN, PBS or The Discovery Channel what they know and I think you’ll be dazzled by how much information they have retained.  One of the best computer guys I have do work for me sometimes amazes me with his knowledge of computers.  Yet, his thought process is moronic at best.

            There is more information available to people than any other time in history.  However, like a computer with too much memory used, people’s thought processes have been slowed down by too much irrelevant or useless information.  So, even if your clothes scream out the perfect look, people must be told what they mean.  People may have their instincts, but advertising gives them the information they need for confirmation.  Once your clothes have impacted the instincts of those around you and affirmation is given by external sources, your clothing will go a long way toward making you the man or woman that you truly want to be.

Chapter 5

“Watch Out For Watches”

            By now you must know we can’t just begin a discussion of watches.  Watches are instruments that measure time or, as some would say, keep time.  Sometimes they are even referred to as timepieces.  So, before we can talk about watches, you can bet that we’re going to talk about time.

            We all know that watches measure time.  But we often forget that time is also a measurement.  Time is the measurement of the very essence of our existence.  Time, as we know through the understanding of Einstein’s theory of relativity, is not necessarily innate to the world -- but rather a force superimposed very much like gravity.  So, where did this force come from and when?  The only account I am aware of that attempts to explain the origin of time is   Biblical.  So, let’s go back to the Garden of Eden and see how time became one of the most central common realities known to man.

            What is a garden?  Most people think of a garden as a place where someone plants flowers.  Or, it is where the early settlers planted vegetables.  While these examples definitely represent a type of garden, namely a flower or vegetable garden, it would be a great mistake to think a garden is just what is being contained, rather than the containment itself.

            A garden is something that contains something else (In the purest sense the containment would be of a completely exclusive nature).  A botanical garden contains plants, a kindergarten contains children ("kinder" is German for children.) and a zoological garden contains animals.  So what did the Garden of Eden contain exclusively?  Clearly there were people  (Adam and Eve), plants (the tree of knowledge), animals (the serpent) etc. -- all of which became part of the world we know, outside of the garden.   The one element that was contained exclusively in the Garden of Eden was time.  Adam and Eve, while in the Garden of Eden, would never have died.  In fact, death did not exist at all in the garden.  Clearly, death is our most fundamental demarcation of time.  Because the Garden of Eden contained time, there was no death.  The Garden of Eden was really a Garden of Time. Or more simply put -- a place where the force of time did not exist.

            Upon leaving the garden to the world we know today, man became bound by time.  Life could be seen as having a clear beginning and an ending.  There became a season for all living things.  This is the reality of how we perceive the world -- but not necessarily the ultimate reality.  Both science and religion agree that, theoretically, time may be transcended.  Science would say that it can be done by exceeding the speed of light (186,000 miles per second).  For this example, I can’t help but visualize the Superman cartoon character.

            Whenever Superman needed to go backward or forward in time, he would simply fly faster than the speed of light.  What makes this such a great example is that if Superman needed to go forward in time, he circled the earth in a clockwise direction.  If he needed to go back in time, he would fly around the earth in a counter clockwise direction.  The implication is that time is both a measurement of direction and a direction unto itself.  Consequently, while one may theoretically transcend time, one may also be able to transcend direction.  This brings us to the spiritual concept of transcending time, which is done by prayer or meditation.

            Spiritual transcending is based on the belief that prayer is faster than the speed of light and that there is a greater spiritual being that is not bound by time.  Therefore, a man who is capable of immersion into the spiritual reality becomes part of the world of the higher spiritual being and. like that being, is not bound by the reality of time.

            In terms of direction, spiritual transcending also gives it credence.  Most religious rituals are observed while facing the direction of what the practitioners consider holy.  Most important, this is done even if the holy sight no longer exists in the physicality of today.  The concept is that prayer transcends time and space.  If you pray facing towards that which you consider holy, even if it is thousands of miles away and in ruins, you are actually there spiritually.  You are there at the time of either the past, present or future of the place’s existence.

            How are you doing?  Are you with me?  Oh, one more heavy fact you need to know about time.  Time consists of both the linear (measured time as we understand time) and relational (unbound time as God understands it).  Once again, the matter -- like time itself -- is a superimposed force.

            If one is not bound by time, the conclusion of all matters is perceived at their inception.  This view of time is the ultimate example of time being relational.  Human beings are capable of this relationship only in instances of certain types of scientific observance.  Scientifically speaking, this relationship is achieved through a micro rather than macro view of the world.

            The other instance of addressing a relational basis with time, as we mentioned earlier, is spiritual.  However, because the body can never rid itself completely of its physicality, a relational time reality in this instance will always favor the macro over the micro.

            What are we left with?  For the most part, linear reality.  We will continue to go through life perceiving the progression of a beginning, middle and end.  Our instincts will continue to tell us that this order is not our highest level of existence. But the reality will always be that it has been this way since the beginning of time, as we know it.

            So, with this dimensional concept of time in mind, we can begin to understand that each individual can (or is capable of) relate to time differently.  Depending on how much emphasis we put on science over spirituality, or visa versa, and to what degree we are relational over linear, this will determine how we relate to time.  This relationship to time says a lot about a person.  Since this relationship is a factor of insight into a person, like many other things we have discussed, this relationship is also an opportunity for expression.  By understanding the concept of time and our own unique relationship to it, we can manipulate how the world sees us.  Or, more precisely, we can control our impact on our surrounding environment. 

Now, with a basic understanding of time, we can begin to look at watches.  The watch we wear tells people a great deal about our relationship with time.  Many women have told me that when checking out a guy, they look at the whole package -- but his watch and his shoes are crucial to their overall opinion.  By the way, they can rarely express why the watch is an important factor.  However, that’s due to their lack of understanding of the concept of time.  Once again, we see in this that their lack of understanding allows for highly instinctive reactions. 

I realize that many people think the expression of a watch is either one of attention to detail or financial status.  Both of these assumptions are correct -- but they are still only components of time.  Details always involve or symbolize the use of time.  Money, we know, is more often, than not, the result of time. Thus, we have the saying, “Time is money.”  So, while you will see these two expressions in someone’s watch, if you look at the larger picture, you will see so much more.

            The first rule if you are a player is that your watch should be gold.  Gold, as we have discussed earlier, symbolizes money.  When you wear a gold watch, your first statement to the world is that you understand time is money.

            By the way, some of the nicest watches in the world are not gold.  Patek Philippe makes beautiful watches with crocodile or alligator bands.  Certainly, white gold or platinum can also be lovely. But all of these make a different statement than that of a player.  They state that clearly you have money or even class -- but they don’t necessarily say you are about money.  Gold is symbolic of money in our society.  If time is money to you, then your watch should definitely be gold.  So wear gold.

            Once again, like clothing, you should wear a brand.  A beautiful watch without a name makes less of a statement.  However, I must insist that unlike clothing, you should not wear a watch associated with a designer.  A designer is a person; his or her name on your watch also implies a limit.  Remember, people are bound by time.  Wear a brand because there is no limit -- brands have the ability to transcend their creator.  Once again, I will only suggest a few possibilities since our purpose is insight, not a shopping list.  I recommend a Rolex to all beginners.  It says that you’re a beginner, but that’s okay.  Many successful players wear them throughout their careers. But trust me, they are still beginners.  By this I mean their values are still focused on the obvious play, “Show me the money.”  A big gold watch that doesn’t leave much to the imagination is pretty much synonymous with its owner – he or she wants big money but doesn't have a lot of imagination.

            Cartier is my suggestion for intermediates.  This is clearly a watch that introduces class and appreciation for creativity into one's impact.  I like Cartier for a woman in particular.  The downside to Cartier is that their watches and their advertising are more than a little contrived.  Generally, the player wearing a Cartier plays for the money but is conscious of class in a somewhat contrived or artificial manner.

            Piaget and Patek Philippe are for the advanced players.  Generally they are only recognized by other players -- which demonstrates a high degree of self-confidence by those who wear them.  Patek and Piaget owners are generally more concerned with quality than with what other people think.

            These are a few suggestions.  Remember, be honest with yourself.  If you’re only about money, wear a Rolex and not a Piaget.  Do not give conflicting signals -- it creates doubt (we’ll talk about doubt later) and doubt ruins players.

            So, have you noticed that most players don’t wear digital watches?  It’s not just because they're cheap.  Let’s take what you’ve learned so far and discuss why.  A digital watch made of plastic has no value.  Players value time, so there is strike one.  What if Patek Philippe made a digital watch out of gold?  Players still would not wear them.

            A digital watch reduces time to a number, which is the epitome of a linear relationship to the world.  The implication being that its wearer is a master of the micro -- but potentially oblivious to the macro.  Players see the big picture.  A watch with a face and hands presents time as a concept.  The concept being that it goes around with no end.  Some of the finest watches have no numbers, just dots or points.  This demonstrates the highest level of understanding time as being relational.  The points are literally perceived as just what they are: Points in time, not points of time.

            A player must understand both aspects of time equally.  However, a player must stand for time in the larger sense.  Time to a player, like opportunity, should be without beginning and without end.  I would like to end this discussion with the example of Henry Ford.  His creation of the automotive production line demonstrated the ultimate understanding of relational and linear thinking. 

            As a player, Mr. Ford understood both the beginning and the end of his idea simultaneously.  He also understood all of the steps it took to get from beginning to end.  The men and women who worked the line doing their specific tasks would function in a completely linear fashion.  It did not matter to them what came before or after.  At the end of the day, their linear relationship to time earned them a good paycheck.  At the end of Mr. Ford’s life, his relational connection to time made him one of the wealthiest men in the world.

“Bad Shoes, You Lose”

            Even I can’t believe that I’m going to wax philosophical about feet.  But shoes punctuate your clothing and who you are like nothing else.  We’ve all heard the expression, “He looked me up and down.”  When this occurs, shoes are the first and last impression -- and we all know how important those are.

            So, what do people say about feet?  “Foot loose and fancy free”, “Follow in one's footsteps”, “His feet are firmly planted on the ground” (Where else might they be planted?), “You have big shoes to fill”, “The right path”, “Have feet, will travel”, “Sure footed”, “Kick ass”, “Feet don’t fail me now”, etc.  All of these sayings have something to do with the feet.  The question is, why?  We don’t have many sayings about knees or wrists.  Why feet?  The reason is similar to why I have tried to lay down a foundation in the beginning of each chapter of this book -- because human beings understand the value of foundation.  The physical foundation of a human being is his or her feet.  My massage therapist assures me she can affect every part of my body by pushing on the nerve endings found in the bottom of my feet.  Feet are our foundation; that’s why we know and value their importance.

            If we learn that feet or foundations are important by the sheer volume of the sayings associated with them, what can we learn by the content of the sayings themselves? In general, the sayings fall into three distinct categories: direction, stability, and size.  Let’s discuss these categories in human terms.

            Direction is where you are going.  Feet are also man’s most direct interface during waking hours with the earth.  They are perceived as what gets us where we have to go.  Where we have to go -- or choose to go -- is our direction.

            I remember flying in the cockpit of one of my business partner's plane.  He was an avid pilot and enjoyed explaining to me all the intricacies of flying.  One of the points I found most interesting was his explanation of why we didn’t crash into other planes.  We’re flying along and I look out the window and see a small plane far below us.  I ask, “What keeps him from flying up here and hitting us?  Can he see us, above him?” 

My partner answered, “Think of it like freeways in the sky.  Everybody has a lane they need to stay in. But when you're flying, it's not just a side to side lane – it's up and down too.”

            So when I think about people and direction, I don’t think about ships crossing in the night.  I think about a sky full of pathways we can’t see but which involve every aspect of direction.  When people assess other people, or their potential benefit from them, they absolutely consider direction.  Generally, we derive the most from those on their way up and who also happen to be moving forward in the area of our own interest. 

            For an upward and downward example in the entertainment industry, a producer who meets a rising young star is going to be far more interested in him than if he meets someone who had a hit many years ago, but only modest success recently.  The impact of direction could also be in the difference of path.  The same producer could meet a rising young star, who just happens to be a singer -- but our producer only does feature films.  The producer’s interest in this case might be in the sound track area. But his level of interest would have been significantly greater had the singer been an actor.

            People assess your direction on two different types of criteria: 1.  Are you on your way up or are you on the way down?  After this determination, people assess whether or not you are going to the same place they want to go.  The degree of their interaction with you will be proportional to the degree the two previous mentioned criteria are positively fulfilled in their mind.

            Once direction is determined in people's minds, they look for stability.  After all, what good is it to do business with someone who was on his way up yesterday and on his way down today?  Stability, for our use, is not one's ability to maintain a certain position -- but rather the ability to maintain a certain direction.

            Direction will get you the initial attention you need to be a player. However, stability is what will make you a player.  Never forget that to maintain stability in your path you must always believe in what you do, work hard to accomplish what you do and, most of all, do whatever you do in such a way that it benefits others.

            The first component we saw in our sayings about feet was size.   Nobody can really understand the impact of his or her direction, although it is certainly greater the longer or more stable it is.  Even without a precise measurement, we know one thing: SIZE DOES MATTER.

            I have never heard anyone criticized for having too great of a positive impact.  Can you imagine telling a multi-billionaire, “You give too much to charity; it’s not fair.”  So, we see that when the impact of direction and stability are positive, the bigger the better.

            Conversely, for every positive impact, there is at least the possibility for a negative impact.  In this case, size also matters.  If your direction and stability have the possibility to have a negative impact, you should try to minimize this as much as possible.  Unfortunately, positive impact from your direction, no matter how great, can be nullified disproportionately by negative impact.

            So, when it comes to positive impact, I’ll once again state the obvious: more is better.  When it comes to negative impact, your goal here should be zero.  Negative impact is exponentially more recognized than positive. And like an atomic reaction, it goes beyond our initiation.

            When it comes to shoes, we can synthesize much of what we’ve already discussed into the concepts of direction, stability, and size.  We know that positive direction originates from a good foundation.  What in our shoes symbolizes foundation?  That’s right, color.

            A player does not wear a color of shoes to match his outfit.  He wears an outfit that matches the color of his shoes.  Think of your foundation first.  If this is the case, the color you should choose is black or brown.

            Remember our discussion of color?  People don’t mind some style or flash in the middle as long as the beginning and end are down to earth.  Black and brown punctuate who we are with a positive and stable direction.

            To make a statement of stability in your shoes, you can rely on the style of the shoe itself.  Stay away from severe angles or points.  Any look that is obviously trendy should be avoided.  There is room for style. But when it comes to your shoes, always lean toward the conservative side.

            Now that we’ve laid down the basic rules, let’s make sure you don’t get carried away and start looking like bankers.  In other words, don't be too conservative.  Be really careful about shoes that lace.  They are way too conservative -- unless you’re wearing them as a fashion statement.  The same rule applies to buckles.  If they have them, make sure they’re stylish or you’re going to look like your father, rather than a player.

            Now, I haven’t completely ruled out laces or buckles -- but you’ve been warned.  One more suggestion: if you get into this risky area, you might want to avoid color coordinating these styles to your clothes.  For example, if you wear brown lace-ups, try wearing them with a black suit.  Clearly, this would be a fashion statement to liven up such a conservative look.

            My suggestion for players: stick with loafers.  As I’ve mentioned before, our feet have a distinct relationship to the earth.  Their almost artificial contact with the ground makes them our spokesman for our relationship to the environment.  Loafers -- which can be slipped on and off -- probably reinforce the impression we make with our watch.  Namely that time is valuable to us.

            Loafers also tend to look and feel more comfortable than other styles.  The expression thus becomes one of comfort with the world.  If you are perceived as being comfortable with your environment then, as we’ve discussed, others will be comfortable with you.

            Regarding size, no you don’t need feet enlargements.  “Big shoes to fill” is related to large impact or major success. Your shoes symbolize this, unfortunately for your pocketbook, by the value of your shoes.  People will most commonly recognize value by name brand and price.  But there is another aspect we haven’t discussed.  People also perceive value through raw materials.  For brand and price, one will usually satisfy the other. I recommend finding a brand and making it your look. A player will never go wrong in the shoe department with Polo, Armani, Cole Haan, Gucci and Ferragamo. I assure you that if you wear these brands, people will know you aren’t trying to save money.

            Raw material becomes a factor within your choice of a brand. You will probably notice that leather is more expensive than synthetic materials. Skins; specifically, crocodile and alligator skins are the most expensive of all. If you can afford it and you're not an animal rights activist, go for the skins. I’m not telling you this just because they represent the top of the line. There is a much deeper meaning in shoes that we should now discuss.

            Although leather clearly represents a cow or pig, alligator and crocodile far more graphically represents the animals your shoes are made of. This, in short, translates to a greater mastery of your environment.  In other words, it is more impressive to master a crocodile than a cow.

            Shoes are both the symbolic and practical instrument of man's mastery over the world. Not only are shoes created by using worldly or environmental resources, they actually separate us from the very world we use to create them. This demonstrates both a complete mastery over the raw material of the world (including animals) and a partial mastery over their host. Historically speaking, we know one thing for sure about shoes: God told Moses to take them off before stepping on holy ground. Of course, this was not meant to infer shoes were not holy. In fact, it suggests the opposite -- that indeed shoes are.  God told Moses to take off his shoes because God was expressing his complete and absolute dominion over the world. God retains his dominion over all.

            You can separate yourself from the ways of the natural world simply by putting something over your feet -- thus obtaining dominion.  However, when it comes to more spiritual matters, you should do the opposite. Do not separate yourself. Spirituality should have dominion over you -- not you over it.

            To conclude this thought, we have said that shoes separate your beginning and end; they punctuate who we are. This is because feet are our connection to the earth and shoes express both our relation to and the extent to which we have mastery over the earth.

            Finally, we know that shoes also represent the fact that we are subject to the dominion of a greater force (because there are occasions when God has asked for their removal).  I’d like to conclude with a couple of short stories that illustrate both points. The first one took place at Spago's many years ago. I was attending a party at the legendary restaurant and of course standing around. I was occupying myself by talking to a publicist that was working with a friend of mine. As I recall, she was about ten years older then myself -- but the chemistry was good. If she hadn't also been doubling as my friend's mistress, who knows what would have happened?

            Anyway, her involvement with my friend and business associate didn’t stop her from bringing up her attraction to me. I asked her if she had a thing for younger men. She answered me that, on the contrary, she preferred older men. But what really attracted her were powerful men. I asked her if she thought I was powerful.  She replied, “Yes.”

            I questioned her as to what criteria she had used to reach her conclusion.  She replied,  “Your shoes.” She went on to explain to me that if she liked the appearance of a man's shoes, he was a man destined to be powerful. This is when I first became aware of the impact of shoes.

            Subsequently, I have used this knowledge to maximize my impact at every opportunity. To this date, my feet (or my shoes) haven’t failed me.

            The second story is more about feet than shoes and clearly demonstrates the more spiritual impact of feet. This story takes place several years after my shoe enlightenment and gave me my first look into why shoes have real impact, besides the sixth sense of a good looking publicist. I was downstairs at the House of Blues having a drink and talking to some friends. Sure enough, a good-looking girl walks up and asks me if I’m a Capricorn. She didn’t ask, “What’s your sign?” She specifically asked if I were a Capricorn. Now, this type of thing hasn’t happened to me that often. But what was really bizarre is that I am a Capricorn!

            I told her, “Actually, I am a Capricorn. But how did you possibly know?”

            She answered, “Easy. By the way you stand.”

            “And how do I stand?”

             “With your feet apart and your hands on your hips. It’s a very stable and comfortable stance. Capricorns are comfortable in the water and on land; that’s why you stand like that.

             I asked, “Would you like to go out sometime?”

             “No, I was just curious if I was right about you.”

            “ I feel so used,” I replied. She giggled and that was that. Do you see in both stories how distinct and powerful the impression I, or should I say my feet and shoes, made?  The feet were comfortable and stable and the resulting shoes expressed power or mastery over my environment. Women are more likely to comment on shoes. But the impact on men is equal or greater.

            The pen is far mightier than the sword -- not in the context of the battlefield, but in the context of the battle of thought.  It is far more valuable to convince than to force.  To have convinced creates a separate force independent of its creator.  To force requires that the energy of the creator be maintained in applying the force in perpetuity.

            So while force may prevail in the short term, belief and conviction will prevail in the long term.  Why?  Because the cumulative effect of many separate forces when combined will always be greater than the force which originates from one powerful or large source.

            In seventh grade, my gym teacher illustrated this point with a brilliant demonstration.  He separated the five biggest and strongest boys from the class and put them on one side of a tug of war rope.  On the other side, he put the rest of the class (probably a four to one ratio).   I was proud to be one of the five strongest boys and I had no doubt we would prevail over the rest of the class, on the other side of the rope.

            I’ll never forget the force with which our side of the rope was pulled forward.  We were completely overwhelmed.  I felt personally embarrassed and I could see that the other side had become empowered by the experience.  Our gym teacher ended this class by telling us, “A great team will always beat a good player.  Five guys, no matter how strong, will not defeat twenty.  Stick together, there is strength in numbers.”

            I was certainly convinced.  It's true our gym teacher had not used a pen -- but he did use a practical example and words to convince us that he was right.  This, of course, works extremely well on a small scale. But it is simply not practical on a larger one.            For example, I can stretch a rope from California to Nevada and have a four million to one million-man tug of war.  Or, I can simply illustrate my point by writing about my own personal experiences -- hoping to convince you in the same way that I was of the importance of teamwork.

            All right, so you can now say, “The book I’m reading wasn’t hand written, what’s a pen have to do with any of this?"  My answer might surprise you.  The book you are now reading was, in its original form, written by hand.  I’ll tell you more about this later. For now, I want to discuss a very important fact.  Even if a pen is not used in the creative process at all, it still symbolizes the taking of an idea from one's own mind and relaying it to others.  A pen blends words and thoughts -- bringing them into our physical reality. You can use a typewriter or a computer or whatever else technology provides in the future. But you will never replace the pen as the most direct and the purest form of this type of transmission.

            Why do I still use a pen?  For exactly the reason stated above.  I want to relay my thoughts to you in the purest and most direct form available.  I want the energy of my thoughts to be put directly into words with minimal involvement of the mechanical process or technological interface.  For this, I need a pen. And at least symbolically, so do you.

            Since we’re talking about pens as both the symbol and the instruments of transmitting thought, we should take some time to discuss thought and to what type of thoughts a pen relates.  Thought is a three-step process.  First, there is an idea.  Then, there is an organizational process, which results in a plan.  Finally, there is an action -- which brings the plan into physical reality.  While each step in this process is vitally important to the process itself, success as the end result can only come from the combination of all three.

            The first element of thought (the idea) -- if you are a believer in God -- is that it is God given.  If you are resistant to the concept of a pinnacle of divinity, or a singular source of emanation, then at least you should acknowledge that energy flows through the world in forces much like the deep currents of the ocean.  If you can understand this, then you can understand that one (or more) of these forces is a source of knowledge.

            Most great thinkers will say, "It just came to me” or “I could picture it.”  The ultimate question is what do you mean it just came to you?  Where did it come from?  We’ve answered this.  It came from being tapped into the energy force of knowledge that exists in our world.  Applications from this force increase exponentially as man continues to develop both technological and mechanical resources.

            The beginning of all thought comes from this source.  Perhaps a good analogy would be a spark.  When you try to start a fire with flint and steel, you must have an easily combustible material that accepts the spark and grows into a flame.  In our case the spark comes from an imperceptible place. But the combustible material is the mind.  This first stage of ignition is also the first stage of thought.

            The fire of a thought has started -- so what happens next?  Let’s continue our analogy.   Once the spark has ignited the highly combustible material, you can’t just drop a wet log on it and expect a bonfire.  This lack of planning will almost surely extinguish the flame altogether.  Instead, you must lay a pile of dry twigs over the surface material and still larger pieces of wood over the twigs.  This organization will almost always result in a good large fire.

            This concept of nursing a spark into a flame -- using a distinct set of organizational skills -- is the second step in thought.  Without organizational skills, thought -- like a fire -- can be put out or burn out of control, doing a great deal of harm.  A clearly well organized thought like fire can be used or mastered to our benefit -- and to the benefit of the world around us.

            The organizational skills used in the second phase of thought -- like most of the subjects we’ve discussed up to this point -- could be a book unto itself.  The one aspect of this process I would like to discuss with you will hopefully give you a significant boost in your organizational skills.  I call this aspect silence.

            When I was growing up, there was a popular expression “Quiet, I can’t hear myself think.”  Today, people not only accept the noise of the world but they create noise to cancel out other noise.  I actually went on a date with a girl who told me she was so sensitive to noise that she went to bed with the TV on the static channel just so she could fall asleep. I asked, “Wouldn’t it just be better to live somewhere that was quiet at night?”  It was our last date.

            My point is simple.  Just as the beginning of our flame (in our analogy) needed to be protected from the wind and elements to ultimately be raised into being a fire, so must we protect and nurse our thoughts.  We live in a world filled with the noise of the realizations of thoughts.  These realizations are manifested in advertising, entertainment, news, politics and day-to-day life experiences.  The result is that it is literally hard to hear ourselves think.

            I was once having a heated debate with a young, female attorney who had been invited by a friend to my house for a dinner party.  All of her annoying and erroneous expressions began with the words “I think”.  I finally just answered her, “No -- you don’t.” 

She replied, “What do you mean, no?” 

“I meant, no, you don’t think. Your opinions are just collages of what you’ve heard and they happen to rationalize your existence.  You haven’t expressed one individual or original thought.  You haven’t even expressed anything that sounds like a thought process.  Therefore, my conclusion is that you don’t think.” 

            Tell me I don’t know how to treat a guest -- but do you see my point?  Ask yourself some tough questions. For example, what do you think about?  Do you think?  Do you have your own ideas?   Do you wonder why you’re here and who put you here -- and what is here anyway?  All of these questions require individual and original thought.   Individual and original thought requires the absence of external input at least for a moment.  Give yourself a chance to think everyday at least for a few minutes in silence.

            The expression “silence is golden” literally means that silence is both rare and valuable.  Just as you pursue gold/money, you should pursue a little silence.  The chance to be alone with your thoughts is a chance to have thoughts.   A chance to have thoughts is an opportunity to organize your thoughts.  Well-organized thoughts lead to the potential of their realizations in the physical world.

            The third aspect of thought is, of course, convergence -- or impact on physical or spiritual reality.  In other words, you had the idea to build a house; that’s step one.  Step two: you drew up the plans.  Step three is the actual building of the house itself.

            The implementation phase of the thought process has one particularly fierce adversary.  Fear.  So many good ideas, so many well-organized ideas don’t get implemented simply because of fear.  People often fail to implement ideas because of either fear of failure or fear of success.   Why people are afraid we will discuss later. But for now, you should give serious thought to whether or not fear is holding you back from realizing your ideas and dreams. 

            The pen, as I mentioned earlier, is the symbol of this third aspect of thought.  Just the act of carrying a pen is a statement that you are a doer – and that you are not afraid to bring your thoughts into the physical world.   So, if carrying a pen says that you are a doer, what else can it say?

            A pen says that your idea is quality, your organization is quality, and your implementation is quality.  So -- you guessed it -- buy a nice pen.  This is where people often say, “I lose pens all the time. That’s why I don’t have an expensive pen.” 

My answer: “This tells me you're careless when it comes to the implementation of ideas.  My advice, buy the most expensive pens.  After you lose a few Bulgaris -- at a thousand dollars a pop -- your attention to implementation details will increase significantly.”

            Another nice idea when adding a pen to impact your environment is to carry not one, but two.  One should be reserved for your exclusive use, the other to lend to others when needed.  This tells others that your ideas are your own and that they should be respected.  It also says that the result of respecting your ideas is benefit or generosity.  Needless to say, your second pen may be different from your personal pen – but they should be equal in quality.

            Pens -- like shoes, watches, and clothing -- should follow the brand rule.  Monte Blanc in gold or silver is the Rolex of pens.  Universally recognized, they demonstrate quality and respect for the implementation of thought.

            If you wish to show a little more sophistication, you will never go wrong with Dunhill, Tiffany, or Cartier.  My personal favorite is Bulgari, clearly the Patek Philippe of pens.

            Pens -- more than most other items -- lend themselves well to being gifts.  When you give someone a nice pen, you are wishing him or her the best in the implementation of their ideas.  This is imperative to being a player.

            Working for my father as I was growing up, I noticed he was unusually happy whenever he heard of someone else's success.  I asked him why.  His answer, “I’m happy to see others succeed -- because it means that there is success to be had.  There is no such thing as cornering the market on success.   If my friends or associates are successful, I can be too.”

            I say to take this idea a step further.  Be happy for people when they succeed. But even before that, demonstrate to them your belief in their abilities.  When young adults graduated high school in my day, pens and pencils were one of the most popular gifts -- especially if you were college bound.  These gifts were exactly the type of demonstration I was talking about.  So don’t stop at graduations.  Show people you support their ideas whether they’re eight years old or eighty years old.  One of the best ways to do this will always be through the gift of a pen.

A quality pen shows a quality thought process -- inclusive of successful implementation.  “The pen is mightier than the sword.”

            When a girl I know questioned the fact that I chose not only to write this book by hand, but also insisted on using only fine writing instruments, I quoted this chapter extensively to her.  Unfortunately, she missed the deeper significance and felt that it would only be some type of status or image consciousness that would make the pens I used a factor.  Previously, I explained why I chose to write this book by hand. Now, let me tell you why I used the best pens in the world to do so.

            Unlike the act of carrying a pen in your pocket or signing a contract, writing a book does not cause the pen you use to be seen.  So the “to be seen” impact on your environment is simply not there.  If I did not tell you, you would not know whether I had used a Bic or Monte Blanc -- but I would certainly know the difference.

            When you implement thought, be sure to let those around you know that it is a serious matter to you.  Carrying nice pens can certainly help make that impression.  However, the person who should know and understand the seriousness of this matter the most is you.   Even in private, you should always use the best resources available.  In the end, the quality of the sum of the parts can only be as good as each of the parts individually.

"On The Lighter Side"

            “On the lighter side” might actually be our heaviest topic of discussion.  Choosing to carry a lighter is a powerful decision -- and it is directly related to the concept of light or providing a light.  So what is it that makes light such a powerful issue?

            We know many of the sayings or images: “I’ve seen the light”, “Got a light?”, “Light?  No, Bud Lite?", “Turn on the lights”, “Positively radiant!”,  “You're glowing”,  “Don’t take this lightly”,  “You light up my life”,  “C’mon baby, light my fire”, etc.  How do you draw someone with an idea?  Put a light bulb above his or her head.  These are just a few examples of how one expresses the concept of light in terms of illumination, ignition and weight.  So what do we really know about light?

            The first mention of light that I know of is in the Bible.  In fact, the 36th word of the Bible is "light" and it would seem to correlate to the thirty-six hours of divine light that is said to have occurred in the creation of the world.  This divine light is often referred to as white light and is often described or referred to by those who have had near death experiences.

            From this point, it gets a little tricky.  Because the first mention of what we know of light came from the Bible, we are going to have to take a look at the original language of the Bible for a minute -- which of course is in Hebrew.

            Hebrew, which is the oldest language known to man, is unique in that it is created from or derived from multiple constructions.  In other words, each letter stands for a sound -- but also for a number and a concept unto itself.

            For example, the letter in the Hebrew alphabet that stands for light is called a Yud.  Of equal importance is its numerical value of ten.  If we know that light has an exponential power of ten, then we should be able to apply this power -- or at least factor it in when and wherever we see the concept of light.

            Are you with me so far?  Good.  Now, let us go back to the number thirty-six – where we left off in our first account of light.  If we multiply thirty-six times ten, we get three hundred and sixty.  It was in the year three hundred and sixty that money was first minted in Schem.

            If we then multiply three hundred and sixty times ten, we get 3600, the year that the Jews defeated the Assyrian Greeks -- thus leading to the observance of Hanukah, or the Festival of Lights.  This holiday celebrates the miracle of sanctified oil, enough for only one day, burning for eight. Jews commemorate or relive this miracle by lighting a candle for each day of the miracle. Interestingly, the observance is to light a candle to represent both the particular day of the miracle and the cumulative days of the miracle. So, on the first day of Hanukah (the Festival of Lights) one candle is lit. By the eighth day, all eight candles are lit. If one takes a moment to count the total number of candles lit by the conclusion of the holiday -- the total number is thirty-six. We can easily extrapolate here that the Jew’s reconstituting the temple resulted in an eight- day miracle that equated to the thirty-six hours of Gods original light.

            The Jewish holiday of Hanukah is celebrated according to the lunar calendar on the twenty-fifth of Kieslev.  The church chose to celebrate the birth of Jesus on the closest month possible on the solar calendar, December.  Of course the date is also the twenty-fifth.

            The birthday of Jesus is celebrated much like Hanukah.  Lights are prominently displayed and gifts or money are given.  The question in this instance that begs to be answered is if Jesus was born in the spring, why celebrate his birthday as closely as possible to the Jewish holiday of Hanukah, the Festival of Lights?

            Finally, before we deal with all of the previous points, we'd better take a quick look at the number twenty-five.  For our purposes, we need only to subtract ten this time to see what is behind this period of celebrating man’s ability to bring light into the world.  The answer?  Fifteen.

            Fifteen translated back into the ancient language of Biblical Hebrew literally equals one of the aspects of God (God’s name is not known, so aspects are used in its place in Biblical text) and, conceptually, the idea of completion.  On the lunar calendar, the fifteenth of a month is always when the moon is at its fullest (most completed).  The moon, which is itself a reflection of a greater light, represents the reflection of the light that man is capable of seeing, but not igniting.  So twenty-five can be seen as a synthesis of both divine light and man’s use of light.

From our Biblical account, we now know a little more about light.  Lets apply what we know to the three categories we often reference in our day-to-day lives.  The first, if you recall, is illumination. The second is weight and the third is ignition or fire.

            Illumination (as we have discussed) came from “Let there be Light.”  It clearly has divine implications and is synonymous with the concept of ideas or being enlightened.  This type of light would seem to be more controlling of us as opposed to our controlling it.

            The second type of light we’ve discussed or referenced is weight or money.  Light, which is energy and seemingly devoid of mass sets the very premise for light, which also connotes a measurement of weight.  Both come together perfectly in the concept of money.

            Originally, money was made from precious metals. The concept was to synthesize weight and scarcity value.  Since money -- although minted -- was not standardized, it had to be weighed or equated to a weight.  This is how weight became integral to the concept of money. It also involved the standardization of weight as a measurement and the need to be able to trust that weights and scales were being used or operated with integrity.

            So what about light?  What happened in the year 360 that caused light, weight, and money to become interdependent?  It was simply the progression of illumination.  It is only the common belief in divinity that makes money have value.  If you have forgotten this, just look at your money; it will remind you that “In God We Trust”.  Without this universal trust, not in money, but in the trust of others that they trust in God and would weigh or value money with universal integrity, there would be no conceivable value assigned to a piece of paper that is neither scarce nor weighty.

            Finally, we see the ultimate evolution of light in ignition.  Ignition, as we have discussed earlier, is a synthesis of illumination, weight, and ultimately man’s mastery and use of these two categories, which effectively creates a third category.  The best example I can think of to represent this third category is a man standing in a large pitch-black warehouse.  Completely incapable of seeing his surroundings, he strikes one small match or lights one small lighter.  The amount of light from the small flame allows him to see where he is -- and even navigate his way to an exit, if that’s what he desires.  We see by this example that a little bit of light has a disproportionate effect when it comes to the displacement of darkness.  In other words, a little light makes a lot of darkness go away.

            This example certainly seems to represent the weighty or material aspect of light. But metaphorically, it also represents the spiritual.  Ignorance is the spiritual equivalent of darkness  (thus the term “keep him in the dark”).  Knowledge is the spiritual equivalent to light.  In pursuing knowledge, like the man in the dark warehouse, it is important to have at least one fact –or a starting point, if you will.  This starting point is exactly the point of light represented by the Yud in the Hebrew alphabet.

            Now you can see ignition is both physical and spiritual.  It requires man’s understanding and participation.  The Jewish Festival of Lights is indeed recognition of this very concept.  The physical burning of the holy oil -- which will last a miraculous period of time -- is also the recognition of Divine Presence in the world.   Not just by the miracle itself, but by the focus of all three types of light that continually create and sustain the world. As for celebrating Jesus’ birthday on the 25th of December, it is very much the same statement as Hanukah’s representation of the time that divine light shines on the world.

            Having said all this about light, let’s talk specifically about lighters.  I cannot think of an object that better symbolizes man’s mastery over the process of ignition.  A good lighter that is made of rare materials like gold or silver is quite heavy -- adding to this concept of the mastering of light, through our first and second definitions of light.  When you think about the power contained in a lighter, it is quite astounding.

            In the palm of your hand is an energy source that can illuminate a dark room.  Light a cigarette or cigar.  Ignite a fire that can cook a meal.  Start a fire that can destroy countless miles of property -- consuming the lives of every creature known to man including man himself.  This is truly an awesome power.  I once pointed out to a friend that my lighter was much more dangerous than a gun.  With a gun you could squeeze the trigger and kill one person.  With the flick of one lighter, I could burn down a whole city.

            I would tell anyone who wants to be a player to carry a nice lighter.  Regardless of whether you smoke or not, it is both a source and symbol of great power.  It is the power of the mastery of light.  You should have this.

            Practically speaking, when others ask you for a light, the lighter you pull out will make an enormous impact.  The mere fact that you control this element makes others dependent upon you.  I have literally seen group conversations come to a halt when I’ve lit someone’s smoke.

            Many times I’ve had my lighter grabbed from my hand.  As the person feels its weight, they always comment, “Nice lighter.”  By the way, I’m not a smoker with the exception of an occasional cigar. But for all the reasons we’ve discussed, I carry my lighter.

            What type of lighter?  Personally I carry a Dupont -- but Dunhill is also great.  Cartier, Tiffany and Bulgari all have potential to make great lighters as well. But since admittedly I am not a smoke aficionado, all I can attest to is that my sterling silver Dupont has never failed to impress.

            To sum things up, we know that light is one of the most complex and important elements in our world.  We know that it permeates the spiritual as well as the physical world -- creating a synthesis between the two.  We also know that a player’s impact on his environment is based largely on his or her perceived control over that environment.  In the case of light, we know that this mastery is demonstrated by owning a lighter -- regardless of whether it is used by its owner or just for the benefit of others.

            I would also like to point out that the very knowledge that one has this potential power in one's own possession creates a great level of confidence.  Even if there is no occasion to use your lighter, just the fact that you have one will change how you perceive yourself and, subsequently, how others perceive you.

            I realize this chapter was rather technical and serious. But I didn’t feel it appropriate to mix secular stories with concepts that deal with the essence of divinity.  All right, lighten up (no pun intended!) -- it is time for Chapter Nine.  Actually, I should have said buckle up…

Chapter 9

"Without A Car You Won’t Go Far"  

            There is an old saying “Its not whether you win or lose, it's how you play the game.”  For Chapter 9, I’d like to coin a new phrase.  “It’s not where you're going, it's how you get there.”  This certainly will determine the car you drive and -- more importantly -- show others your perception of free will.

            Once when I was in my mid twenties, I had the opportunity to ask one of the wisest men in the world if there were such a thing as free will.  The story goes like this.  There I was, walking along on the Venice Beach boardwalk.  I noticed a man in his forties helping a very old man (probably in his eighties) on his way to a little synagogue that was situated facing the beach.  Just as they reached the door, the younger man’s eyes met mine.  He asked, “Would you mind doing me a favor?” 

Slightly bewildered, I answered, “Sure, what do you need?”

“The Rabbi left his prayer shawl back at my house. Do you think you can go and get it?”  I told him I could and he gave me his address, which was only a couple of blocks away.

            His wife had anticipated someone returning for the important bag containing the religious garment -- but she looked a little confused that I was the one to do so.  With bag in hand, I raced back to the synagogue and handed it over.  The older man patted me gently on the shoulder and thanked me. 

The younger man pulled me aside and said, “Thank you. That was a good deed, you know.”  I hadn’t really thought about it.   I don’t even know why I agreed to do it.  He continued.  “Do you know who you just helped?” 

I answered honestly “No.” 

“The Rabbi is visiting from Jerusalem.  He is famous all over the world; he’s considered a Gadol.”  My look of confusion was obvious.  “Do you know what a Gadol is?” I told him I didn’t and he continued.  “It’s a title that means he’s considered one of the spiritual and intellectual giants of our generation.  Since you did such a nice thing, why don’t you join us for lunch after services?”  I thanked him and accepted his offer.

            I had never met a spiritual giant before.  It didn’t seem like an opportunity that I should pass up.  It wasn’t like I had to cancel on the Pope to make lunch, if you know what I mean.  In addition to myself, the host had invited fifteen to twenty other guests.  Some people just stopped by to ask the Rabbi for a blessing.  It was all unbelievably impressive.

            As lunch went on, I noticed that the Rabbi didn’t really speak.  The host engaged in pleasantries but the Rabbi remained quiet.  Finally at one point, our host said, “If any of you have questions for the Rabbi, please feel free to ask.  The group at the table was obviously well educated.  Their questions were highly sophisticated.  However, the more difficult the question, the shorter and more precise the Rabbi’s answers were.

            After everybody at the table had asked one or more questions, the stare of this holy man fell on me.  Our host said to me, “Don’t be bashful, the Rabbi doesn’t mind answering your question.”  It wasn’t so much that I was bashful, I just wanted to make the most of the opportunity and ask the most difficult question I could think of -- one that was worthy of being answered by a holy and wise man.

            So I asked, “Is there such a thing as free will?”  His answer was short, profound, and perfect in every way.  “Free will is ethical.”  In other words, it is not where you're going.  It's how you get there.

            Our day-to-day symbol of transportation is the automobile.  The car we drive (especially in LA) tells people so much about our personality because it reflects the part of our life over which we have free choice.  Our ethical choices that are expressed in the journey we call life are also expressed in our choice of transportation -- which is both symbolic of our choices throughout our journey and the practical application of our desires.

            As a kid, I always loved cars.  Unfortunately for me, I learned at an early age that without the right car you weren’t going far.  Because I was a year ahead in school, most of my friends had their licenses and cars before me.  I had a clear vantage point to see that with the kids (boys) who drove nice cars, their popularity soared.

            My first car -- which I did not get until my sixteenth year -- was an LTD II (a big Ford).  While this was not a terrible car, it certainly wasn’t one that would make me popular.  Had I not had to listen to my father, my choice would have been a Corvette. But I was sixteen and my father’s word was law.  So, I finished high school near the top of my class, a varsity athlete in three sports -- and probably not too bad in the looks and personality department. But my friends with the nice cars got the girls.

            As a freshman fraternity boy at UCLA, things remained status quo until my eighteenth birthday.  That’s when, you guessed it, I finally bought my Corvette.  I came back to my hometown like a returning hero.  Girls begged me just to ride in it.  As for my guy friends, well I let them know justice had been done.

            Once and for all, I felt people were seeing the real me.  My new car told them I was a winner; I was going on the fast track to success.  I had a style and I was just a little dangerous too.  So does this story sound shallow?  Like some kind of misplaced materialistic indulgence?  Shouldn’t people have seen everything I had going for me before the Corvette?  Maybe I’m wrong and it was my attitude that changed because of the car -- some newfound confidence that attracted people towards me and made them think I was a winner…

            The truth is all of the above -- and much more.  If you see a car as just a way to impress others with materialistic and economic status, then you are as shallow as the people you're trying to impress.  If a car or other material possessions give you a confidence that you would not have had otherwise, then you are depending on a completely false sense of security.

            Although I was too young to understand it, the reason my Corvette had held such a liberating feeling for me was that it truly was an expression of who I was and where I was going at the time.  When you look at a car as a form of expression, it is removed from the realm of shallow materialism and it becomes a symbol of your journey through life.

            This has applied to transportation throughout the ages.  We all know that the good knight rides a trusty white steed -- while the evil king always rides a black horse.  Egypt learned the values of the chariot when the Hyksus used them to conquer Egypt.  Soon the Pharaoh Amosa was using chariots of his own to defeat the Hyksus.  The chariot came to symbolize the transportation of a conqueror king.  This symbolism -- like the black and white stallions – is still true to this day.

            So, I drove my Corvette happy as an eighteen-year-old can be until the obvious happened.  The impact of my new car helped carry me to the top of my socio-economic circle. But at that point, the doors began to open to the circles above my own.  Soon my Corvette -- which had distinguished me as a UCLA frat boy and brought me into the spot light at the law firm I was working at -- had very little impact next to the world of Porsche, Mercedes, and Ferrari.

            What was a nineteen-year-old to do?  A ten thousand-dollar Corvette I could easily afford -- but a forty to fifty thousand dollar Mercedes?  This was another story.  There I was -- working an extra job at the Sand and Sea Club -- when the answer came to me in a big way.

            Most of my experiences during the short time I worked at The Sand and Sea Club belong in a more business-oriented book (my next book maybe) except for this one.  I was working at what they called the shuttle lot.  This is the extra lot you park in when the main lots are full.  You park and then a shuttle van takes you to the club.

            There were only two of us working at this lot and, for the most part, it was slow.  Rather than let parking spaces go to waste, I would let non-members park there for a reasonable price.  One Sunday, my co-worker made a comment to one of our regulars (a non-member) about his new Mercedes. “Nice Car.” 

The driver answered, “You can buy it.” 

My co-worker, definitely not the player, replied, “I don’t think so.”

That is of course when I interrupted and asked, “How much?”

            He parked the beautiful Mercedes 500 SL and replied, “Are you serious?”

            I stated, “Don’t let the parking lot job fool you.” 

He laughed and said, “Ten grand.  I’ll sell it to you for ten grand -- but there’s a story.”  The car was easily worth forty to fifty thousand dollars. So I asked, “What’s the story?”

“You see, I leased two Mercedes from a leasing company and gave them a ten thousand

dollar deposit.  They gave me this car as a loaner until mine were ready.”

            “Why weren’t your cars ready? And why are you driving and trying to sell your loaner?”  I wanted to know.

            “The day after I gave them my deposit, the owner of the leasing company and his accomplice who worked at the bank took off with a ton of money -- and all of the company's books and records.  It turned out that the cars they were leasing were all grey market cars and they weren’t doing conversions.”  (Grey market cars are cars brought from other countries that weren’t originally built to American standards -- so they must be modified to meet our rules.)

            He continued.  “I just want to get my deposit back and go lease something else.  This car needs to be converted -- look at the European bumpers.  I am afraid the cops are going to confiscate it -- not for being stolen, but for not being converted to American specifications.”

            I gave the car a good look over, under the hood and everything.  “I’ll give you nine thousand five hundred.”

            “Deal.” 

            So I bought my first convertible Mercedes.  The guy I bought it from gloated as I left his office.  “You must make a lot of money at your other job.” 

I looked back and asked, “Why do you say that?” 

He leaned back in his chair and looked at his partner smugly.  “Well I make over half a million a year and I wouldn’t risk driving an unconverted car.” 

I walked out the door and said out loud, “Neither would I.”
            When I looked the car over, I saw that it had European bumpers. But I also noticed that all of the rest of the conversion had already been done.  Reinforced doors, smog pump, catalytic converters, etc.  Remember I told you, I loved cars as a kid.  So -- unlike the seller -- I knew the difference between a converted and unconverted car.  A set of bumpers and this car was going to be legal on the street.

            Just so you know, I did have my attorney call the bank that had been defrauded.  I offered to return the car if they reimbursed me ten thousand dollars for the cost of recovery.  They told my attorney they had already written the cars off and this would be a paper-work nightmare.  They told him to thank me -- but as far as the bank was concerned, I should drive my new Mercedes 500SL convertible in good hearth.  End of story.  I loved that car and it took me everywhere a player needs to go.

            So, how should you choose a car that tells people what you’re doing with your life?  Very carefully.  Use fifty percent of what is in your heart and fifty percent of what is in your brain.  Remember that if you could do whatever you want to do or be whatever you want to be, your car will represent that.

            I’ll use my own example.  Up until last year, I was synonymous with sports cars.  After my Mercedes, I drove several Ferraris and a Porsche.  I always kept a more practical, larger car around -- but I drove my sports cars as often as possible. 

            Finally, last year, I decided with my heart that while I still was driven (no pun intended) to succeed, I was also interested in both slowing and settling down.  So when it came time to decide between the Mercedes Convertible and the big four-door, I chose the big four-door.

            Honestly, if it had just been up to my heart, I might have been deadlocked.  Luckily my brain had an equal say too.  The company I was running at the time was in need of credit.  Credit (which we will talk about later) is allergic to risk.  Driving a flashy sports car by definition implied that I was not risk adverse.  This message would have been deadly in trying to obtain credit -- so I chose a car that reflected stability, practicality and success.  One banker that gave us a credit line actually commented as he walked me out to my car.  “I’m glad you didn’t buy the convertible.”

            The point of my example is to reconcile who you are with whom you want to be, before you buy your next car.   I gave up the convertible but I still got a nice Mercedes -- not to mention plenty of credit for my company.  The reconciliation led to my success and it will lead to yours as well.

            Don’t confuse reconciliation with compromise.  Reconciliation, for our purposes, is the balancing of our desires and needs.  In the end, the total sum remains the same.  Compromise would involve a reduction in one or both areas.  Compromising with others can be beneficial.  Compromising with yourself can be disastrous.

            Recently, a young criminal defense attorney asked me to help him choose a car.  I knew him pretty well so I told him to get a Mercedes.  He asked, “Like yours?”

“No,” I answered “It's too big for you.”  He was not very tall.  “I want your clients to think of you as being big.  A car my size shrinks you.” 

“So what do you suggest?” 

“Either the convertible or the e-class four door – they are both smaller than mine.”  Since he told me price was also a consideration, I advised him to buy the less expensive four-door and he did.  Once again, this is an example of reconciliation not compromise in terms of business value -- but there is more to the story on a personal level.

            The individual that I’m talking about has often complained to me about his lack of a social life.  This is certainly a topic for another book since the player I’ve chosen to talk about is more about life and business than love, dating, and marriage.

            The reason I need to mention it here, though, is that in my friend's case -- and many other people I meet -- one affects the other.  Many times he has also told me his lackluster performance at work comes from his lackluster social life.  So, while there was no issue of compromise in his choosing a car from a business standpoint, there definitely was one from the social point of view.  Unfortunately for him, they are closely related.

            You see, I believe he could have afforded the convertible and basically chose to make money an issue.  So why buy a car that is great for business and not bad socially if you’re looking to settle down?  He definitely did not buy the car that would make him as popular with women as he wanted to be.

            He compromised who he wanted to be because of money.  So while his business circumstances have improved, they are constantly challenged by his lack of social life.  I told him my first pick; he should have listened.

            All right, lets do the drill.  What type of car does a player drive?  Quality, color, brand -- let’s do some profiles with these in mind.

            -- Cadillac.  That's right, there not just for retired people and businessmen.  In the basic colors, black and white, a Cadillac says you like quality and comfort.  It certainly says you’re on the more conservative side.  A Cadillac may not be the most expensive car on my list, but it's perfectly believable that the person driving one could be a billion-dollar player.  He’s just not worried about making impressions.  This in itself is one of the most powerful impressions.

            -- Lincoln Town Car.  (What do they say, “The Poor Man’s Cadillac?")  I still say they are OK; what goes for the Caddy goes for the Lincoln.  Both also have a little of that Mafia feel.  This kind of danger goes a long way to setting off the conservative nature of both cars.

            -- Mercedes.  This has always been one of my personal favorites.  Let's be honest, they are not as comfortable as the Cadillac or Lincoln – but they are definitely more stylish.  The fact that it's European implies sophistication. Plus, the whopping price tag removes any doubt that you’re afraid to spend money.

            -- BMW.  I recommend against them.  If you want to drive a Mercedes, then buy a Mercedes.

            -- Porsche drivers are often thought of as having attitude problems. So, if being perceived as having an attitude can help you, by all means drive a Porsche.  I actually like them -- but with my attitude, I’m sure you can understand why I refrain. 

            -- Ferrari, I love them.  Very flashy -- so if you want to light your image up like a neon sign, buy one – preferably in red.  For myself at this stage of the game, I would tone it down to silver.  One other thought.  If your social life affects your business, this car is for you.  While driving my white Konig Boxer -- one of the most awesome Ferraris ever built -- I actually had women jump out of their cars in the middle of traffic to give me their numbers.  I almost never parked without returning to find a note or something inviting me to some girl’s party.  This car was a girl magnate.  If a social life helps you make money, then this car will make you rich.

            -- Jaguar is definitely good for the gentleman player.  The European style, like the Mercedes, gives the Jag sophistication. But the more refined looks definitely reduce the danger/ excitement factor.

            -- Bentley, Rolls Royce, and Aston Martin are for the big boys.  If you drive one of these luxury cars, you better really be able to afford it because people will have very high financial expectations.  Your image will be of a money player looking for deals far more than a deal player looking for money.  If this is okay, then you can count on any one of these cars to attract deals to you like you were driving a Brink's armored car with a nice paint job.

            Yes, of course there are other types of cars. But like all of our topics, I’ve tried to focus more on how to make your decision than giving you a complete shopping list.  All of the cars I’ve mentioned will impact your environment.  The key is choosing the car that impacts your environment in the manner you feel is most beneficial to you, your life, and your career.

            So, if you have a bad attitude and you want to change your image, drive a Jag not a Porsche.  If you are perceived as boring, drive a Ferrari not a Lincoln.  If you’re seen as a show off and frivolous with money, then drive a Cadillac instead of a Rolls Royce. If everyone thinks you’re just a nice guy, drive a Porsche.  You get the idea.

            Let me share a pet peeve with you.  If you go to the trouble and expense of driving one of these great cars, please make sure to take care of it.  Keep it clean and perfectly maintained.  Your car should always look brand new.

            This tells people that you don’t take your free will for granted and that you appreciate the success you’ve obtained.  Ultimately, the nature of free will is merit.  The opportunity to know what is right and wrong -- and the freedom to choose what is right.  At the end of our lives, the only real success will be having made the right choices.  Making the right choices begins with an understanding and appreciation that it is a privilege to have the opportunity to do so.

            In summary, I think of life as a journey.  The beginning and the end of our journey are pre-determined -- but how we get there is up to us.  Transportation is symbolic of what type of journey we are on and it affects the journey, both in terms of experience and perception.

            Since our journey is not exclusive to our own existence, transportation affords us the opportunity of inviting others to share our path in business, social, religious, political, and many other ways.  The people we wish to share our journey with will gather a great deal of the information by observing our choice of transportation.  With this information, they will make their own decision as to whether or not they are coming along for the ride.

            It has been said that when time ends, the savior of the world will ride a white donkey.  Doesn’t this really mean that his journey through life will be pure and reliable?

            Many successful people smoke.  Certainly many players smoke -- but I’m telling you not to.  Smoking is a vice that is truly bad for you. And by definition, if the desire to smoke controls you, you are not being the master of either yourself or your environment -- which are the essentials of being a player.  However, there are times when it is advantageous to indulge ourselves -- and these must be carefully defined.  I’m not joking.  Let's look at vices, their causes, their effects, and how they are controlled.

            What is a vice?  Well, if it's on a workbench, a vice consists of pieces of metal that clamp together firmly to hold what you're working on in place.  If it's behavior, it is a type of behavior that has a hold on you.  It causes the rest of your behavior to move around it, just as a vice holds an object to a workbench -- causing you to move around the object rather than it around you.  The difference of course is simple.  When one holds an object in place, he or she can manipulate the object.  When an object combines with a behavior to hold us in place, it is we who are manipulated.

            So what is it that can cause an object or a behavior that is not seemingly good for a person to become in control of that person?  For the sake of our discussion, we’ll look at three contributing factors:

            The first cause of vice is a lack of belief in entitlement.  Fundamentally, people fail to recognize that what they are entitled to and what they deserve are two different matters.  Entitlement is vastly more permanent than merit.  So, while you may be entitled to everything that is good in the world (which you are) you may not deserve it.

            What we often see in vice behavior is a person doing what they’re told not to.  This is an expression of free will, but it is misplaced.  The person involved in the action feels that he or she is being denied an entitlement. So through their actions, they feel that they have regained a choice that was rightfully theirs. The misplaced expression of free will, however, is due to the fact that it was not on the bases of entitlement that restrictions were placed on their action. Rather, it was due to merit (or a lack of merit).

            Let me give you a business insight into this issue.  Two guys once walked into a gym that I owned in Santa Monica.  One guy was heavy and wanted to lose weight while the other one was skinny and wanted to be more muscular.  Ironically they not only looked like Ben & Jerry of ice cream fame, they owned the Ben & Jerry license for California.

            I asked how they managed to get such a valuable license.  (In fact I was under the impression that the company had no outside licensees.)  Their answer was simple.  “Ben & Jerry’s never thought California would be a good market for high fat premium ice cream.  So, when they gave us the license, they did not think much of it.”

            We can all understand why Ben & Jerry thought the way they did.  Why would health conscious Californians workout all day and then eat fattening ice cream?  I’ll tell you why -- because of their workouts, they feel they deserve it.  If you workout hard everyday, an ice cream cone once a week is not going to kill you; you deserve the reward.  This principle has equated to the sale of a lot of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream (in California and other places).

            Do you see how this works?  You are entitled to eat ice cream every day. But if you workout hard, you only deserve to eat it once a week.  There should be no problem with entitlement; man is entitled to everything -- thus his almost complete dominion over the world. But out of that entitlement, how much do we actually deserve?  The answer to this question is that the understanding of entitlement vs. merit is the first step to controlling the first cause of vice.

            The second cause of vice, like behavior, is fear.  For our purpose, we will discuss fear of failure and fear of success, both of which equate to vice. Fear of failure is the more commonly thought of fear, but not necessarily the more common.  The root of fear of failure is an over emphases on the achievement of goals and a lack of emphases on the achievement of potential.  I once heard a nervous and respected philosopher say, “Set your goals as high as possible -- so even if you don’t reach them, you will have achieved much.”

            The problem with this mentality is that in a goal-oriented world, a great accomplishment that falls short of reaching a goal is often considered a failure.  In other words, if I tell people that I’m working on the cure for cancer and come up with aspirin, people with headaches see success.  Those dying of cancer see failure. 

            The solution is not the elimination of goals but, rather, the focus of the goals themselves.  Goals should be a tool to bring into focus the reaching of one’s potential in a specific area.  Goals should not be an end unto themselves.  Once the focus is shifted to individual potential as opposed to external standards/expectations, the fear factor becomes a positive.

            You might say, “I’m still afraid, now I’m afraid of not reaching my potential.”  To this I say “Good.”  People should fear not reaching their potentials.  Life is a gift; make the most of it.  Achieving an external standard that is set by yourself or others to validate the success or failure of your existence is wrong and it will cause fear of failure.  This fear of failure is negative because it has no personal basis.  It causes insecurity because the external nature of the goal is contrary to the internal need for security.  The resulting insecurity is the source of the negative fear of failure.

            When goals are internalized, the standard becomes personal.   The feeling of doing one's best becomes a source of personal security.  The fear of failure in this respect actually reinforces the positive -- thus creating security rather than insecurity.

            My advice is to set goals that transcend measurement.  Make your goal excellence.  Be excellent at whatever you choose to do.  Don’t worry about being the best.  Excellent is better.  Be fearful not of failing to be excellent, but of failing to try to be excellent.  If you try to be excellent at whatever you set out to do, you should never feel the negative fear of failure again.

            Although thought of less, the fear of success is equally as pervasive as the fear of failure.  As we discussed earlier, the concept of entitlement is basically innate to human beings.  Conflicts arise when entitlement and merit become correlated.

            In the case of fear of success, the individual utilizes a misplaced expression of free will to try to self determine his or her individual merit.  In our ice cream example, we could determine how much ice cream to eat because we were dealing with an external.  By measuring calorie consumption against metabolic rate and exercise, we could make a determination.  Success -- as we’ve discussed -- is an intangible internal element.  It can only be measured in terms of individual effort.  The results that we see from success are based on merit or, as we’ve said earlier, are basically deserved.

            So if an individual is entitled to all of the success in the world, and he deserves and receives some of it, what is he or she fearful of?  In this case, the answer is loss.  Not just of the tangible elements -- but of the merit itself.  Unlike entitlement, merit is fluid.  What one deserves today may not be deserved tomorrow.

            The negative aspect of this type of fear is manifested in the fact that if we achieve merit, we will then have something to lose.  Loss is so painful to us that we would rather have nothing to lose than be vulnerable to the experience of loss.  This is the essence of the concept known as fear of success.

            The answer is not to forget trying to achieve merit but to, instead, de-emphasize the merit that you’ve achieved.  The most beneficial way to de-emphasize merit is to constantly try to achieve new merit.  A person whose car is totaled suffers the pain of loss.  A person whose car is totaled while they are signing a contract to buy a new car experiences a far lesser degree of suffering from their loss.

            My advice? Always focus on what you want to achieve rather than what you have already achieved.  Win, lose, or draw, new success is found in where you are going -- not in where you have been.  Finally, don’t try to compare the success of the past to that of the present or the future.  Success is an instance and like snowflakes, each instance is unique unto itself.

            Once, when I was much younger, I took a road trip to Las Vegas with three friends.  Two of us came from, what was at the time, the all-American family.  Our parents were married before our births and had remained married.  We each had siblings and our fathers worked in their own businesses while our mothers stayed at home.  Friend #2 had grown up just like the two of us until the day his father tragically died of a heart attack.

            There we were in Vegas.  Craps was our game.  The dice were hot and friend #1 and myself could not lose.  Friend #2 kept betting against the table and with the house.  We told him, “The dice are hot, bet with us.”  He refused and continued to lose money.  This went on for three days until the time we left.

            On the ride home, Friend #1 and I were in great moods and talked of our good fortune the entire trip.  Friend #2 was in a solemn mood and sulked over his misfortune the entire ride back.  Finally, I said to him, “Why didn’t you just bet with us?” 

But before Friend #2 could answer, Friend #1 answered for him.  “He likes to lose.  Every time he comes with me to Vegas, he bets against what’s winning.  I’m telling you, he’s happy right now that he has something to complain about all the way home.” 

I looked back at Friend #2 and asked, “Is that true, you're happy that you lost?” 

He shook his head, shrugged, and then said, “Maybe. I do it every trip and keep coming back for more.”

            This wasn't the first time that I had thought of fear of success. But until that moment, I had never understood that the enormous loss that Friend #2 experienced at an early age - made him adverse to gain.  He actually embraced failure because it was easier to fail from the start than to risk having to deal with success and potential loss.

            To succeed, you have to care.  Years after his father's death, he still wasn’t able to risk losing something he cared about again.  I don’t know if he will ever change. But if you are afraid to succeed, I hope you will learn and change.

            The final cause of vice that we will discuss is idolatry.  Right now, you’re saying, “Maybe the first two causes apply to me, but surely I’m not bowing down to in-animate objects!”  My answer is that unfortunately the idolatry we think of has matured with us.  So while we’ve out-grown what in retrospect is obviously idolatry, we have failed to see the idolatry of today or the external principles that create it.

            Idolatry is the act of taking an object and investing it with an importance or status that is exaggerated or unjustified.  In contemporary terms, this definition of idolatry applies to both the physical and the spiritual.  In the case of vice, it applies to the object and the behavior.  When the object controls behavior, it is tantamount to idolatry.  When the behavior controls the object, but one or both are disproportionate in importance relative to the rest of one's life, this too carries the potential for idolatry.

            In Ecclesiastics, King Solomon -- the wisest man to ever live – said, “I thought I would have wisdom but it escaped me.”  What escaped King Solomon?  Certainly not wisdom, he was the wisest of all.  King Solomon speaks of wisdom in the plural rather then the singular.  In other words, he knew all there was to know -- but one element eluded him.

            Ecclesiastics (in its original text) was written in Hebrew.  The numerical value of Solomon’s statement is the equivalent to that of the pur duma.  In English, this is the red heifer.  It was the principle of the red heifer that Solomon did not understand.

            If you are not familiar with the red heifer, then let me explain.  On a very rare occasion, a cow would be born that was completely red.  Even one white hair would have invalidated it.  There were many laws governing the treatment of this cow that had to be kept.  At the appropriate age, the red heifer was sacrificed and its ashes were saved.  The ashes were then mixed with water and kept in the holy temple.  This holy water was used to make that which was impure, pure. 

The unexplainable paradox being that the person who sacrificed the red heifer -- creating the instrument of purity -- became impure.  Why this person became impure seems to be as mysterious as why the ashes could cause purity.  The answer to this question even the great King Solomon seemed unable to answer.

            That’s right, right here in “Impact”, we are going to try to do what King Solomon couldn’t do. (If that doesn’t get us on the bestseller list, nothing will!)  To understand the red heifer, we need to look at the most famous and tragic case of idolatry, “The Sin of The Golden Calf.”

            Having left Egypt, Moses led the Jews through the desert to Mount Sinai.  There, they camped while Moses ascended the mountain to receive the laws of God.  This included the famous stone tablets written by God himself -- containing the Ten Commandments.

            On the fortieth day, God angrily informed Moses that the people he "brought out of Egypt” had built an idol (not the Jews that God took out of Egypt, but the mixed multitude that Moses allowed to leave with the Jews).

            Then God told Moses his desire to destroy all of them, including the Jews.  Moses prayed for God not to destroy any of them and he ultimately prevailed.  When Moses saw the worshipping of the golden calf, he dropped the tablets -- causing them to break -- and then confronted the people.

            At this point, Moses draws the famous line in the sand and gives the people the choice to stand with God or die.  Moses also destroys the golden calf -- reducing it to ashes then mixing it with water, which he makes the people drink.  So what does all this tell us about the red heifer and idolatry?

            As we’ve discussed earlier, vice -- like idolatry -- is the investment of unjustified importance into an object, substance, person, or even philosophy.  What does the investment consist of?  Ourselves, we give something from our own being when we make this type of investment.  This is very much the same as a financial investment.  We take money from our account, give it to some other entity, and we hope or expect our money back -- plus a profit.  If we make a bad choice, our money leaves our account and never comes back.  This gives us a lower net worth as an end result.

            The reason vice and idolatry are so harmful is that the investment involves our being, not our money.  We invest ourselves in that which has no merit or importance and all we are left with is less of ourselves.  We receive no profit from our investment.  This loss of us is contrary to the entire purpose of existence.  The purpose is the evolution, advancement, and growth of our own being -- and of the people and the world around us.

            So, if you ever have a doubt as to whether or not you are engaging in vice, just ask yourself this question: will I or the world around me benefit from my behavior?  If the answer is no, you need to be very careful and rethink your choice/action.

            Now, back to the red heifer and the golden calf.  When Moses saw that the people had made a bad investment by believing in a golden calf, he intervened and canceled the deal.  He made them consume the golden calf -- not as a punishment, but as return of their investment.  In other words, this was a return of their being. 

            Moses demonstrated that the impurity or sin that results from idolatry, vice, and bad investments. They can only be repaired by recapturing the part of oneself -- which one has erroneously invested.  The people gave their belief and their gold.  Moses said, take back your belief and stand with me on this side of the line, the side of God.  Once their belief was returned, he forced them to take back their gold as well, but this time in a form that would never be misused again.

            The red heifer is symbolic of the golden calf.  The obvious similarity is that they are both calves and when reduced to ashes, they have the ability to purify.  They do this by nullifying and then replacing misplaced spiritual and physical investments.

            The not so obvious similarity is the color.  We’ve talked about the symbolism of gold and it certainly was no coincidence that the most famous idol of all time was made of it.  Gold represents money.  This, of course, made it easy for me to provide you with a business analogy to explain the lesson taught by Moses on how to counteract idolatry.  This counteraction explains one of the secrets of the red heifer, namely the importance of its ashes, but not the importance of its color.

            The gold used in the golden calf represents the misuse of physical resources and personal wealth as well as misplaced spiritual investment in these resources.  However, gold is just a symbol or, more appropriately, an expression of a much deeper issue.  What gold comes to symbolize in the golden calf is merely the result of the expression of the color red.

            First, we know that in this world red is the color of fire.  The golden calf came from fire; the red heifer is burned by fire.  The golden calf caused the lessening or impurity of its creators.  The red heifer, after being reduced to ashes, causes the lessening or impurity of its creator.  In both cases, the initial result of the use of fire is impurity. The final result, however, turns out to be purity.  Fire makes the calf and fire makes the ashes that atone for the calf.  Thus, the saying “Fight fire with fire.”

            So, the red heifer’s common relationships to fire with the golden calf through the color red gives us a look at the physical importance of the color red. But what about the spiritual importance?  The spiritual importance of the color red dates back to the story of Jacob and Esau.

            It is believed that on Esau’s thirteenth birthday, he went into the wilderness. There, he succumbed to all his bodily and physical desires.  He is believed to have committed murder, theft, and rape.  At the end of the day, he came home hungry and starving from his exploits.

            Jacob, Esau’s twin brother who was identical in every way except for skin color, had cooked pottage.  What is particularly interesting is that the difference in their skin color was due to the fact that Esau was born with a very red skin-tone and Jacob was not.  The pottage that Jacob had prepared was also red.  Esau saw that Jacob had pottage and asked him for some of the red, red pottage.

            The reason Esau uses the word red twice is that he is telling Jacob the cause of his hunger is that his actions have become synonymous with his red or sinful nature. The fact that his grandfather Abraham had died and the food he wanted to eat was the memorial meal that Jacob had prepared for their father Isaac also meant nothing to Esau.  Why?  Because he had divested himself of his family values and invested himself in the ways of the world.

            So Jacob asks him to sell his birthright and Esau agrees.  Esau agreed because he knew the consequences of his actions.  He had already abdicated his birthright.  In one of the saddest statements in the Bible, Esau - who is his brother's intellectual equal – says, “Take my birthright.  I’m going to die anyway.”

            Esau is not referring to death from hunger or even to death, the end of all men.  His reference is to spiritual death.  All of his spirituality had been invested in his desire for physicality.  So, he gives his birthright to his family’s spiritual leader, Jacob.  Like all bad investments, Esau regrets his decision – but he has no means or ability to rectify it.

            Esau became known as Edum, which literally means red.  The values of Edum are the very roots of idolatry.  By the way, the Bible also equates anger with idolatry.  How do we often describe a person who is very angry?  “He was seeing red.”  Today we think that means blood. But the authentic meaning is that the person is in an idolatrous state.

            So while the golden calf may have been gold, it was simply a result of the values of Edum.  It was the synthesis of or the yielding to the red in our nature, so that it manifested itself in our nature, and resulted in the idolatry symbolized by the golden calf.  When the red heifer is sacrificed, man’s nature for the taking of life is used to destroy the synthesis of red symbolized in the red heifer.  Although this action is done for the sake of purity, it still finds its roots in red -- the fundamental source of idolatry.  Because of this, the human participant -- however slightly or unconsciously -- is diminished, therefore becoming impure.  It is not until he has been cleansed from this act that he can once again be pure.

            Now we have explained some of the mystery of the red heifer.  Hopefully, through this explanation, you will now understand what I mean when I tell you the third cause of vice is idolatry.  I trust you will also understand what your focus must be to overcome vice.  Remember that the principle of positive consequences results from your own action and you should have a good start.

            In conclusion on this topic, it may be playing with fire, but I would be wrong if I did not discuss the times when what appears to be vice like behavior is not.  Let’s talk about cigars.  Cigars certainly are not healthy for you, but they are not as bad as cigarettes.  If you smoke a cigar at the conclusion of a fine meal or to celebrate the birth of a child, you are being indulgent, but not succumbing to vice. 

            If you are celebrating a birthday, wedding, or New Year’s Eve and you have a few drinks, this is not vice-like behavior.  Why?  You are drinking because you are happy, not to become happy.

            If the situation creates the desire to indulge and there is benefit, you are probably OK.  If the desire to indulge creates the situation, then you need to be careful regardless of whether there is benefit or not. In other words, you should enjoy the world -- but it should also enjoy you.  Give more than you get, leave more than you take, and always make sure that the pleasures of the world benefit but do not detract from your spirit.

"Let’s Do Lunch"

            A giver always winds up with more than a taker.  So if you want to get, you have to give.  What should you give?  How did you guess?  Give them food -- give them lunch. Is there anyone that can really refuse a free lunch?

            Having gone into business at an early age, I began to worry that my social life would be adversely impacted.  The majority of my peers were still in college and my business associates were ten to twenty years older than myself on average.  What was a young guy to do?

I called my mom.  “Mom, I’m worried. It seems like I’m drifting away from my friends.” 

My mom has always had a unique understanding of people. She told me, “Don’t worry. As long as you have food, you’ll have friends.”  I knew she was being literal so I did the logical thing.  I hired a top chef to work in my home, full time.

            The result, my social life exploded.  I started with dinners.  In the beginning, two to three nights a week, I would have five to ten friends over.  My dinners became so popular that by the second month, I expanded my schedule to five nights a week.  At that point, I was not only entertaining my friends, but friends of friends.

            I put a great deal of thought into my guest list each week.  I tried to mix people in such a way that each night would have its own, distinct dynamic.  I cannot remember ever having failed to achieve a unique social interaction.

            One of my regular Wednesday night guests (who used to come with her husband a top Los Angeles OBGYN) wrote me a thank you note that thanked me for having created an oasis for her and her husband.  So well known did my dinners become that people actually started using their own social networks to find someone who knew me – hoping to arrange an invitation.

            Perhaps my favorite instance of this came when a dear friend and world-class artist (and a Thursday night regular) called.  He began by saying, “You know I am very protective of my friends and clients -- and if I ask a favor, it's for myself and I would always repay it in kind."

            He continued, "Even though I grew up in Newport Beach since I was fifteen, you know I’m Persian; I was born in Iran.” 

            I laughed.  “You can still come for dinner.” 

            “Well you’re not far off.  You know you have a pretty wild reputation.” 

            “Tell me about it! Why do you think I stay home?”  

            “I think you could be great and I make no secret that were friends.” 

            I was becoming concerned.  “Is someone bothering you because of your friendship with me?” 

            He sighed.  “Yes.” 

            “Tell me who?”  I inquired. 

            “You know who the Shah of Iran was?” 

            “Of course,” I replied. 

            “Well his chief financial advisor still works for the family.  Anyway, his wife heard about your dinners.  She asked all of her friends if any of them knew you -- which of course they did not. But one of them knew me and remembered that I knew you.  So as a favor to the Royal Family, I was asked to ask you if this nice couple could join us Thursday night for dinner.  I’m really embarrassed; I hate doing stuff like this.” 

            “Don’t worry about it -- any friend of a friend of a friend of yours is welcome,” I replied.

            I hung up the phone and shook my head.  Boy was Mom right.  I put out some good food and look what happened.  Harvard, Yale, and Oxford graduates soon surrounded me.  My guests included brilliant doctors and lawyers, world-renowned artists, wealthy businessmen, and advisors to world leaders.  Not bad for a guy in his early twenties.  It wasn’t long before I expanded to doing lunch and breakfast too.  On average, my chef told me our guest list was four to five hundred people a month.

            Now, let me share with you one of the mistakes of my youth.  Remember our premise -- you get more by giving than taking.  My mistake was not the giving part, but the taking part.  You see I wanted nothing from my guests other than the satisfaction that they had a good time.  That’s right, my mistake was giving without a plan for getting. I could have taken, but I didn’t.

            I realize this hardly sounds philanthropic. But trust me, it is.  I learned much later in life the truth of this matter.  It happened when a friend of mine asked, “Who loves the other more, a parent or their child?”

My answer was, “The parent.” 

He nodded and asked, “Do you know why?” 

At that moment I understood not only the essence of love, but of all relationships.  “Because the parent does more for the child than the child can ever do for the parent?” 

My friend shook his head.  “If you want someone to love you, you have to let them do things for you.  They have to make an investment in the relationship; the more they invest, the more they care.”  I thanked him for sharing this great understanding with me.

            One of the essential components of giving is giving the opportunity to others to give to you.  I’m not saying that you should measure the benefit you expect to receive, but you should expect to receive a benefit.  Let's look at some practical examples.

            People have often admired the closeness of my family.  We grew up five of the most different people you could imagine under one roof.  How did such love and closeness develop in a house with five people with so little in common besides blood?  I’ll tell you.  We all did chores and we all worked in the family business.   Each of us grew up feeling that we were contributing to something greater than ourselves.  My father, may he rest in peace, used to work very hard.  When my mom, who was always in the kitchen making dinner, heard my father’s car drive up, she would immediately inform us.  I always ran outside -- not just to greet my father, but also to carry his things in from the car.

            I’ve always been touched by the love demonstrated by young children towards their infirm grandparents.  In my own case, I only knew my paternal grandmother -- who died of cancer when I was seven.  I remember being at my aunt’s house where my grandmother lived once she had become ill.  Our whole family was going out to dinner with the exception of my grandmother, who was too sick.  Rather than leave my grandmother alone, I told my family I wasn’t well and I stayed in with my grandma.  That evening we spent together is one of my earliest and favorite memories.

            So always remember: if you want to love, you have to give.  If you want to be loved, let people give to you.  Most importantly, strive for both; wonderful memories will come from the effort. 

            All right, let’s take some time to discuss why food has the power I’ve hopefully illustrated.  Until now, we’ve talked about the power of giving and getting. But clearly an invitation for a meal is more readily accepted than that of strenuous workout at the gym.  Both may be good for you. What is it about food that is so special?

            Feeding is a basic instinct and is absolutely necessary to the survival of all biological life forms.  Because man can elevate this basic instinct, he is unique.  Man elevates feeding in several ways.  Man can make feeding a pleasurable experience, a social experience, a spiritual experience, and -- at its greatest potential -- all of these things combined.  When you invite someone to share in the act of dining, you are offering to elevate his or her existence at its most basic level.

            This type of elevation is enormously powerful because both by its biological and spiritual nature it is fundamental.  In other words, if you lift a stack of books from the middle, some books will remain on the table.  If you lift the stack from the bottom, the whole stack is elevated and thus affected by your action.  When you elevate eating, you elevate all other potential behaviors.

            Discipline in eating -- when taught wisely and at an early age -- often translates to discipline in other behavior throughout the course of one’s life.  Why?  Because the mastery of a fundamental behavior often builds the character strength to master the other behaviors.  Someone who does push-ups every morning would be far more prepared to lift weights than someone who didn’t.  Someone who walks a few miles every morning will be more prepared to jog than someone who doesn't.  Just as these examples follow a progression of physical or muscular development, eating food leads to a progression of character development in other behaviors.

            Let's consider a few characters traits that are influenced by eating.  Saying no to desire.  When a child is old enough to understand that they shouldn’t have dessert before dinner or that they have to finish dinner before they can have dessert, they are learning to control desire.  When a child doesn’t eat a type of food because his family’s religious belief prohibits him from doing so, he is also learning to control desire.

            When meals take place on a regular, set schedule, you are reinforcing the importance of time. When you serve food that must be eaten with utensils or you insist upon the use of utensils, you reinforce the difference between human and animal behavior. When you eat food that requires significant preparation, you reinforce that eating is a spiritual experience. And lastly, when you eat as a family unit, you reinforce the family structure.

            All of these concepts and many more are functions of our consumption of food.  Each has great spiritual and physical significance. But for our purposes, we will simply define them as the principles that cause feeding to be such a powerful influence on ourselves and on those around us.

            I remember being in Westwood Village as a kid.  I was with my two older sisters but had wandered off while they were shopping. I soon struck up a conversation with some Hari Krishnas.  My sisters found me and yanked me away.  As they dragged me down the street, they told me, “Stay away from those people!” 

“Why?  They’re nice!” I told them and handed my sisters a pamphlet.  “They even invited us to the feast they're having later.” 

My sister laughed. “Of course they did.  They’re a cult.”  Then, she threw the pamphlet in the trash.

 “What’s a cult?” I wanted to know.

  “It’s a bunch of people who stop thinking for themselves," one of my sisters explained. Then, we all went to the arcade.

            My mom really knew what she was talking about when she gave me that powerful advice “Give them food.”  I should have remembered my experience in Westwood.  They were willing to give me food. But in turn, they wanted my belief.

            Now we’ve talked about giving and getting -- and we’ve discussed what it is about food that makes food such a powerful item to give.  Namely, giving food makes the recipient feel you have benefited them on multiple levels.  So why, if you want to be a player, should you "do lunch"?

            To every day there is a beginning, middle, and an end.  So many people focus on the beginning and the end of a day that a void has been created -- leaving the middle for potential, enormous impact.  The middle of the day is by far the part of the day most associated with business.  If you are looking to create or further a business relationship, this is the point where creating a debt towards yourself will have the most benefit.

            I’ve heard a handful of very successful businessmen say they don’t break at all for lunch during the day.  Frankly, I don’t know if I believe them. But those that I’ve heard say it all seem to have one thing in common: without exception, they all appear to have dysfunctional family lives.  It would seem that denying their basic instinct during the day leads them to over indulge in other areas.  In most cases, it is too much work or too many women.

            This is similar to when cartoon characters try to plug holes in a damn using their fingers and toes.  With each new effort to plug a hole, the water finds another way to pour out of the damn.  If a person fails to elevate any part of the day, the aspects that he or she has been denied will surface at some point at another time.  Unfortunately, their resurfacing may occur at a time when it is not appropriate -- causing a severe and self-perpetuating imbalance.

            So, don’t deny yourself or others the opportunity to elevate the workday.  I certainly did not.  When I decided to re-enter the entertainment business, I followed the advice of an industry veteran who said, “Do lots of lunches.”

            In terms of right time right place, I was fortunate to have a chance meeting that led to another chance meeting that led to my writing my first screenplay.  The events took place at the Warner Bros. commissary. But since the meetings were not my idea, I ascribed them to right time right place more than "let’s do lunch."  Doing lunch should be your idea.

            My initial interest in re-entering entertainment was in finance, so I decided I should find and speak to someone who was an expert in the field.  I took my entertainment industry banker to the Peninsula for drinks.  He then referred me to his favorite distributor.  I took them both to dinner and they referred me to a top authority on film finance.

            Our first meeting was over drinks at The Four Seasons.  After drinking and following up on our initial conversation, we met at least once a week for the next two months.  Without any compensation whatsoever, this expert -- who oversees multi-hundred million-dollar investments -- gave me countless hours of free advice.  My cost was simply the check for lunch or dinner.  Don’t get me wrong -- I enjoyed this gentleman’s company as well. But the business advice and insights into the industry were invaluable to me.  This time I had learned my lesson.  I was giving, but I was getting back far more.

            So let me give you some tips on doing lunch.  Make sure that you pick the restaurant.  Always play on your home court.  Also, always make sure you have a reservation.  You can’t afford to waste time waiting for a table and neither can your guest.  Frequent some restaurant often so they know you when you walk in.  Guests appreciate this validation and you should make an effort to introduce your guest to the servers and the owner or manager if possible.

            If you’re looking for information, go to places that are loud and have action.  A room full of communication encourages more conversation.  If you are looking for money, go somewhere private.  Real players don’t like others to know about their finances.

            When ordering, ask your guest what he or she is having and then order for them before placing your own order.  If you can get your guest to drink, start them with alcohol.  For your own order, if you want to impress your guest with your discipline, eat a light meal.  If you want to establish control, then eat a large, rare steak.  In other words, if you need to borrow money, eat light and show that you’re frugal.  If you are lending or investing money, eat heavy so they know you expect a big piece.

            Always, always pick up the check.  Never, never split the check or let your guest pay.  If it is at all possible, set up an account with the restaurant so you can just sign the bill and leave.  Finally, no matter how you are paying -- cash, charge or house account -- never let the check sit on the table.  Every moment that the check sits cause your guest (or guests) stress.  If the check is sitting, your guest is distracted.  So grab it quick and keep them focused.

            During lunch, never get right down to business. Always ask, “How are you doing?”  Or, “Did you get here OK?”  I recommend not talking about the business agenda until after ordering.  The last thing you want is the momentum of your substantial conversation interrupted.  Plus, your ordering/food selection will be a far greater asset if it takes place before you start talking about business.

            Unfortunately, I must give some advice that is a sign of our time.  I know everybody thinks communication is important. And it is -- but quality not quantity.  Do not leave your cell phone on while doing lunch unless you are a doctor or are involved in life or death situations.  One of the primary reasons for doing lunch is to elevate the lunch period of time over the rest of the day at the office.  So don’t bring the office with you.  Most of us can afford to let things be for an hour or two until we get back.

            How often should you do lunch?  Everyday if you can.  Divide your days up so that you can allocate a certain number of each type of lunch that you do during the week.  For example, when I’m playing, I divide my lunch schedule up into four categories.  First, I make sure to make at least one or two prospecting lunch dates during the week.  This is the lunch that I use to initiate relationships and gain an understanding of whether or not the person I am meeting with will be useful to me or not.

            I also try to do one to two deal lunches a week.  This lunch is either to open or pitch a deal or to close a deal.  If things are going well it might be both.

            The third type of lunch that I do is called a maintenance lunch.  Once a week I recommend taking an associate that you have no current interest with to lunch, just to keep up on what each other is doing.  Relationships are like plants; if you don’t feed and water them, they die.

            Finally, I do a fourth type of lunch.  If I’m working with employees, I try to take them to lunch or bring lunch in for them once a week.

            Almost a decade ago, a publishing company that I owned had an opportunity to break into the fine art business.  I had inadvertently discovered a Chinese artist at a Beverly Hills gallery.  The gallery director explained to me that this very talented artist had no publisher and that the company that owned the gallery had no interest in the publishing business. After coming to a referral agreement, he set up a meeting up between the artist and myself.

            In a matter of two meetings, my company signed this artist to a contract.  The only obstacle we truly faced was stiff competition from a well-established art publisher who dominated the Chinese market (I’m referring to the style of art, not the customs).  His artist -- who was not as talented as mine -- was very well known and even had a very similar name to my artist.

            Every month, friends and business associates of this other publisher reported to me that he couldn’t understand how I was able to capture more and more of his market.  I used to just smile and tell them to tell him “May the best artist win.”  Let me tell you the truth of this matter that no one -- not even my employees -- understood. You see once we represented this artist, our job was to distribute his originals and reproductions through galleries (including the gallery where I discovered him). I knew that the sales people at these galleries were not my employees -- but ultimately they were my sales people.  I dedicated several days a week to taking out the sales persons of galleries that represented my artist to lunch.

            They knew the other publisher by name. But they had, in many cases, never even met him.  And if they had, it was just for a moment.  They certainly knew that their sales efforts had made him very wealthy -- but I made sure they understood something far more important.  I was the hand that fed them. Not just with commission checks but with my own time and effort.  After I had lunch with a sales person of any gallery that had my competitor's artist as well as mine, you can bet that it was my artist that they tried to sell.  That was my secret. Once again listening to my mother paid off.

            I realize that I could probably wrap this chapter up at this point -- but I would feel guilty.  To really understand the power of dining, it is necessary to examine the most significant meal in human history: the Passover Seder.  The Passover Seder, of course, is also the basis of the Last Supper.  If dining is to be an elevated experience -- combining the spiritual and physical in order to transform one's own self or to transform a relationship -- it is to this Biblical meal that one must look.

            The first element that must be considered is that the Hebrew word Seder means order.  This is an odd word to use to describe a meal that celebrates the Jewish people’s release from slavery in Egypt.  Logically, the dinner should be called freedom. Instead, it is called order.

            This concept is, in itself, one of the most relevant and important concepts that I would suggest for your consideration.   The foundation of freedom, if the desired consequence is an intended result, is order.  Freedom from anything -- including slavery -- means very little if there is no purpose.  Freedom is also the freedom to do something.  This is the force of purpose and it encompasses much of what we've spoken about so far.

            So don’t live to eat.  Eat to live.  If your purpose in dining is dining itself you are missing out on your greater potential.  If you elevate your basic instincts to eat so that it involves other aspects of your existence, you will elevate those aspects as well.

            In the Seder, there are fifteen specific areas of the meal that must be accomplished in order.  Fifteen in order of course is significant because, as we discussed earlier, in the Hebrew language the numerical value of fifteen stands for one of the names of God.  It would be hard to imagine a greater feeling of completeness than oneness with God, the logical intended outcome of the Seder.  This concept is also demonstrated in the fact that the Seder always takes place on the fifteenth of Nissan, the first month of the Lunar Calendar.  The fifteenth is always the date of the full moon on the lunar calendar.  The full moon not only exemplifies completion but also the reflection of a great light.  Physically speaking, this reflection is the sun. Spiritually speaking, it shows us the ways of God.

            Since my goal is to make you a player and not a theologian, I will translate these very profound, fifteen principles into practical applications for you:

1.  First is preparation.  Make sure you know how to get to where you’re going and you have a reservation.  Most importantly, be on time.  If you're having guests to your home, have everything ready before they arrive. Don’t make them share in your cooking experience.

2.  Don’t be afraid to say Grace before you eat.  If you believe food is a blessing, then say so.

3.  Make sure your eating environment is a clean one.  Wash your hands before you serve and eat. This shows you care about cleanliness.

4.  Whatever your purpose for dining is, make sure the benefits are both physical and spiritual.   

5.  Give teasers.  Do not reveal your entire purpose.  See how things go and save something for the end.

6.  Entertain your guests.  Tell them what the inspiration behind the meal is.  Find out who they are.

7.  Separate yourself.  Tell your guest who you are.

8.  Be humble. 

9.  Deal with unpleasant subject matter or painful issues if need be.

10.  Reconcile the negative issues by counter balancing them with positive thoughts/examples.    

11.   Eat and enjoy your meal.  Make sure you ask your guests if they are enjoying theirs.  Get to the central purpose of the meal.

12.   Come back to initial issues or teasers and wrap them up.  If money is involved, this is the point to give or get it.

13.   Be sure to be thankful both for the meal and the consideration of your guests.  Make sure to tell your guests specifically that you enjoyed their company.

14.   Summarize your experience.  Reinforce the previous thirteen points.

15.   Always conclude.  Make sure that the end of the meal is as well defined as your expectations of the meal itself.

            So in conclusion of this chapter, I expect you to do lunch! Use the dining experience to

make a powerful impact.  Remember that whether you are the host or the guest, I expect you to bring something to the table.

"Credit Or Forget It"

            We live in a world today that can be defined by the very fact that we think credit is good, not bad.  The basis of most financial disasters is built on this common mistake.  From the regular working man to the Fortune 500 Company, this ill-fated belief wreaks havoc and brings financial ruin.  To know how to properly use credit you must understand that credit is bad.

            Hopefully most of us recall as we were growing up being told that we should only buy what we could afford.  Afford meant that you had the money to pay for what you wanted and you still had money saved for a rainy day.

            The only permitted exception to this rule when I was growing up was the purchase of real estate.  Real estate was considered an exception for many reasons.  The overwhelming reason, of course, was price.  Housing, although a necessity, became more expensive than was reasonable to be paid for all at one time.  By financing real estate, a person could in the same period that it would take to save the entire purchase price (while paying rent) actually pay off the note while having had the benefit of living in his or her home.  Additional incentive was provided by the government, which created tax advantages to home ownership as well.

            The other aspect of buying real estate that made it an exception was that it was (and still is) considered an investment.  The government let you write the interest off your taxes and the balance of your payments were applied to equity.  Factor in appreciation and you can quickly understand why the majority of Americans' net worth can be found in their homes.

            For all of the above good reasons, owing money for a home or real estate became acceptable.  The downside of home ownership through finance is that it lowered people’s resistance to indebtedness.  Once debt had the possibility of being good, the matter became subjective and the underlying fundamental that debt is bad became lost.

            It did take some time for people to become confused.  I remember when I was growing up; people actually had parties to celebrate the paying off of their mortgages.  The highlight of the party was the burning of the bank note.  It was considered a great accomplishment to own your home free and clear, to be out of debt. 

            I remember the impression that was made by someone who could pay cash.  We used to say that “cash is King” – or, in other words, the person who pays cash is King.  Today, unfortunately, this is not the case.

            Today, debt is considered good as long as it's related to some type of productivity -- and sometimes even if it is not.  Assets are still good. But credit, worth, or ability to go into debt is better.  The more debt you are capable of or allowed to achieve the better.  It is actually considered preferable to have a two hundred thousand dollar credit line with a hundred thousand dollars in debt than to have one hundred thousand dollars in assets, but no credit.

As hard as it is to imagine, the distortion of the negativity of debt has become so pervasive, that a poor man with a negative net worth can actually have more credit then a wealthy man with a positive net worth.  The criteria are perverse and simple: the more debt that you achieve, the more you are allowed to achieve.  So you may say, “Wait a minute, debt may not have to be paid off -- but it certainly has to be serviced.”

            It is true that debt requires service. But this certainly does not make debt more positive for the debtor. If anything, it makes it worse.  If that’s not enough, many debtors actually use credit to finance debt.  Rather than paying down debt -- or even servicing it for that matter -- they simply find ways to incur further indebtedness.  Many businessmen today should not really be called businessmen.  Since their business forte is credit/debt management, they should really be called credit-debt-men.

            In having discussed the evolution and perception from a negative to a positive, let's go back and consider only that debt is bad.  I said earlier that debt was bad and this was established through the principle of not buying what one can’t truly afford.  This underlying issue is both practical and key.

            The term "afford" for our purposes is the ability to acquire something with existing debt- free resources.  Afford, for our purposes, does not mean the ability to service debt.  It is ludicrous to believe that the fact that you can afford to not afford something means that you can afford it.

            I mention this now because it is this illogical principle that leads people to the disastrous use of credit.  Don’t ever fool yourself.  If you can’t afford something, believe me you can’t afford it.  All the credit in the world will not change this fact.  The ability to afford debt is completely separate than the ability to afford acquisition.

            How do you know if you can afford debt?  You can afford debt if you have the debt free resources to pay off the debt at will.  Any other formula is pure speculation.  If you look at our example of buying a house, the debt was considered affordable because the house was considered an appreciating asset.  The equity paid into the house does have to be sufficient to cover the potential gap if a market downturn were to occur.

            This disclaimer is here for one obvious reason.  If there were to be a complete collapse of the market, only the ability to relieve the entire debt would be acceptable.  Simply put, even the most intelligent purchase with all of the well thought out investment strategy we could possibly apply still has a bottom line.  If you can’t afford to relieve the debt, you cannot truly afford the debt in the first place.

            The question that has to be asked is if debt is bad, why so many people are in debt?  People are willing to incur indebtedness because of a value choice.  This choice is also the one reason that debit is bad.  Debt at its worst is a function of consumption.  People who choose to be in debt that suffer its most negative consequences have chosen to be consumers rather than producers.

            Today we see that people often go into debt to acquire nonproductive depreciating assets.  The underlying philosophy is consumption.  The person who subscribes to this belief looks at the world as a store rather than a factory.  Their primary concern is not what they are contributing, but what they are receiving.

            If you wake up thinking about eating, being entertained, shopping or working for the purpose of achieving the previous mentioned pleasures, you are probably a consumer and you are probably in debt. If you wake up thinking about exercise, the quality of your work, and the needs of others, you are probably a producer and not in serious personal debt.

            To be a player, you must know whether you are a consumer or producer.  Is your intention to create or consume?  Do you create for the purpose of creation or do you create to consume?

            If you play in order to consume, you will never truly achieve success; there is no end to consumption.  No matter how much you gain or consume, you will want more.  Today, debt is considered good because we live in a world of consumption.

            The desire to consume is up to the individual -- but it has been encouraged in many ways.  Consumption primarily involves receiving.  One of the most enjoyable and readily available items for consumption is entertainment.  It is no wonder that advertisers have chosen entertainment as their favorite venue to encourage consumption of more entertainment and every other consumable item known to man.

            Those who encourage consumption know their market.  Just the fact that there has been a choice to be entertained rather than to entertain oneself demonstrates a willingness to consume.  I'm always amazed when I ask people what they're doing and they say “watching TV.”  Watching TV is not doing anything (not actively).  Watching TV is simply watching other people do something.  The person who does not realize they are a consumer is the easiest to convince to consume.

            Remember, consumption is far more likely to lead to debt than production.  Be sure, however, that you are not producing for the primary purpose of consumption because this too is likely to lead to debt.  Producing for the sake of being a producer will lead to the greatest likelihood of success and the absence of debt.

            Can debt ever be good?  The world as we know it has been built on debt.  Most of what we have we cannot afford. Yet, the world is a good place (and people who say otherwise rarely choose to prove their belief by exiting). How can this be?  Remember what I said about a little bit of light removing much darkness. The same is true of producers.

            The world as we know it has been created by a relatively small number of producers who used debt for productivity.  Ironically, in many cases it is the same people who encouraged the use of credit for consumption to further their own productivity.  Regardless of this fact, so great has been the success of the producers that their contributions to date have exceeded consumption.  The result, you guessed it, is an effort by producers to create more consumers.

            Ultimately, the solution will be the production of consumable items that lead to productivity.  The personal/home computer certainly exemplifies the success of this type of production.  At its least productive, it is used for video games.  At its most productive, it is used to format and edit this book (and many other intellectual and artistic pursuits and projects).

            So, there you have it -- credit is bad because it leads to debt.  Debt is bad because it is often incurred due to consumption rather than production.  When can credit be good?  When it leads directly to productivity -- and the product of the productivity leads perpetually to more productivity.

            In terms of practical application, hopefully you have come to see two possible conclusions.  The first being that credit is dangerous and you’re not going to use it.  The second possibility is that credit is dangerous and you are still going to use it.  Let discuss both scenarios.

            If you choose not to use credit, you have two paths to consider.  The first is the accumulation of capital to achieve your purpose.  The second is focusing on endeavors that are service or intellectually oriented.  These types of activities generally require the least amount of capital expenditure.

            If you put this in Hollywood terms, the first category would be an executive producer or producer who uses his or her own money.  The second category would be the actors, directors, or writers.  Both types of functions are integral to the making of the movie and both certainly have the potential for financial gain.  The choice one needs to make is to be a player and to decide what game to play.

            Personally, I like this entire category and I recommend it.  On the financial side, I think those who work hard for their money are more careful in how they invest.  By careful, I don’t mean conservative, I mean more productive.  If you produce wealth through financial productivity, you gain the confidence and wealth to further productivity and accumulation of wealth.

            I remember my father’s use of this principle.  After investing in any business venture -- even if it was already a running concern of his own -- he tracked his specific investment, which caused it to repay him as if it were a loan.  Once he recaptured his investment from the taking of a profit, he analyzed his investment’s performance and decided if he wanted to leave or liquidate his initial principle -- or reinvest all or part of his recaptured principle from profits.

            As simple as this may seem, most individuals and businesses ignore all or part of this system.  Most investors understand the tracking of assets or inventory, but they don’t understand or implement the repayment of debt to themselves.  If you act as your own bank, then you need to act as a bank would.  Protection and return of principle should be a completely separate consideration from the investment's need for capital.  Needless to say my father rarely lost money.  His accumulation of wealth was slower than those who used credit -- but it was steadier and longer lasting.  When my father was offered credit lines from the bank, he turned them down.  I asked, “Why don’t we use their money to grow the business?” 

My father's answer was, “I can’t stand owing money.” He explained to me a business that grows from its own profits is experiencing natural and healthy growth.  A business that grows from outside infusions of capital is growing artificially.  Its value and profits may go up on paper, but its merit doesn’t.  If a business can’t or won’t reinvest in itself, neither should anybody else.

            Besides conducting business, my father invested in real estate.  Yes, in some cases he just paid cash.  When the real estate market went down, I asked my father, “Are you concerned?”

His answer was, “No, I don’t buy real estate to sell it -- so it doesn’t matter what the price is.  I buy what I want to own.  The market can go up and down all it wants; it makes no difference to me.”

            One day, an old man walked into my father’s office and asked my dad, “Norm, is your offer still good?” 

My father thought for a while and then replied, “That was twenty years ago. The market's changed.” 

The old man continued, “But your word hasn’t and neither has mine.  I told you that your offer was fair and that I would take it when I was ready.  Well, now I’m ready.”

            I kid you not -- my father wrote him a check for twenty thousand dollars right on the spot.  He no longer cared about the property. But he cared about his word and his business principles.  He made no offer he could not back up.  It turned out my father was right that the market had changed.  The property was no longer worth twenty thousand; its value had increased to well over a hundred thousand! 

After my father’s death, I made a deal to develop the property along with the adjoining properties that had already been owned by my father when he made the purchase.  Today, the property is worth well over two million dollars.  It is free and clear of all debt. And, most of all, it is producing.  All of this because their were two men with principles.  I’m blessed and proud of the man my father was.

            If your forte is not the accumulation of capital, then use brain or brawn.  I can tell you from my own experience as a writer that the investment of time and thought are equally if not more rewarding than that of money.  I have always enjoyed seeing the productivity that resulted in my investment of capital. But I never felt the satisfaction of being the actual producer. 

            When you are creative -- and there is a market for what you produce -- the resulting freedom/emotional experience is almost unequaled.  Once, when my father discussed selling his business with me, I asked, “What will you do without your business?”

 He pointed to his head and stated, “My business is right here.  What you think of as my business is just what comes from my head.”  At the time I was too young to understand this concept. But today, I not only understand it but also appreciate it.  I love it.

            I made a business decision that my father had once considered.   I made my business thinking and my inventory the expression of my thoughts.  In today’s world, the need for thought is desperate.  As we’ve discussed, so much of society consists of consumption-oriented thinking. Thinking, which is production based, (original thought) is rare and done very rarely.

            Keep in mind that the consumption of information or other people’s thoughts is not thinking.  Ironically, the consumption of thought by so many has actually led to a lack of thinking by the same group.  If you have the ability to think, you probably don’t need much credit.

            Let's talk about the brawn briefly.  Just as people today consume merchandise, entertainment, and thought, they consume services too.  I know so many people with maids it's unbelievable.  I know housewives with maids, I know single guys with maids, and I know single girls with maids.  I even know poor people with maids. I bet I'll even meet a maid with a maid one day.  Doesn’t anybody clean his or her own house anymore?

            Just as people lack the desire to think about things, they also lack the desire to do things.  If you are willing to do things for people -- or help them do things -- you will make money with no real need for capital or credit.

            Recently, a girl told me she could not workout without a private trainer.  I told her “I’ll show you whatever you need to know.”

Her reply was, “I didn’t say I don’t know how to workout.  I know what to do. I just need a trainer to make me do it.”  The lack of motivation to do anything but be entertained by doing as little as possible has given rise to services that twenty years ago would have been unthinkable.

            So you see, there is opportunity without credit.  Your goals may take longer to achieve, but they will probably have a greater chance of long-term success.  At this point, I should also include an intangible factor: peace of mind.  My father had it because he could afford what he wanted as per our first scenario.  I have it because I own nothing but my own abilities, per our first scenario.

            So you still want to use credit even after I’ve warned you?  Here’s how.  Productivity. Always makes credit productive.  Never use credit to finance luxury in business or your personal life.

            The safest use of credit -- and generally least expensive -- is consignment.  Having the opportunity to sell or make money on something that you don’t own can be advantageous for many reasons.  For our purposes the advantage is simple.  If the product in question turns out to not be saleable, the liability is limited to time and space and not capital.

            When the publishing company I discussed earlier with you became successful in the art industry, I decided to expand its operation to owning and operating its own art galleries.  By the time that we opened the first gallery, the company had an amazing inventory worth close to one hundred and fifty million dollars.  Best of all, we did not even own but one or two million dollars of the collection we represented.

            The result of this inventory structure was impressive, high sales volume and, most importantly, retained earnings of forty three percent.   We simply could not lose; even my spending habits could not put a dent in the money we were making on other people’s money.

            So, the first type of credit you should use whenever possible is that which creates no liability for you.  The pitfall of this type of credit is that it can cause a lack of initiative to perform.  Downside is a significant motivational factor.  If you remain motivated, lack of investment or reinvestment may cause enormous spending habits.  (This was my downfall.)  Finally, if a company is built on consignment, it is vulnerable to its supply being cut off.

Once a consignor demonstrates that the product is successful, the terms often change.  When the consignment ends, the business often ends as well.

            The next best credit is vendor credit.  This generally applies to business – but it can be used to the personal benefit of the business owner.  When vendors give you merchandise and time to pay for it, you can proudly put the word liability on your balance sheet.

            Many years ago, a friend of mine found himself in quite a dilemma.  He had become one of LA’s top drug dealers (cocaine was his specialty). But he was faced with a decision that could apply to any businessman: should he pay more for credit?

            He explained to me that his Colombian suppliers shipped him a load at the beginning of every month but did not collect their money until the end of the month.  The problem was that he could buy the same product from another supplier for twenty five percent less -- if he paid cash.

            Now I know it’s not right to give advice to drug dealers, but I gave advice to my friends in the tobacco and alcohol business.  Why discriminate?  Well no excuses, it was wrong -- but the advice I gave him was great.  So if you benefit from it, maybe it will help me right a wrong.

            I told my friend to double the size of his next shipment.  Then sell it at cost outside of his normal market.  He asked, “Are you crazy?”

“No, I’m not crazy. How long would it take to sell if you sell at cost?”

“I could do one deal for everything -- but I wouldn’t make a dime!”

“Sell at cost and take the money and pay your other supplier in cash.  Supply your own market with your new profit margin and supply your new market with a twenty five percent margin until the first of every month when you do your one, no-profit sale.”

 “You’re a scary guy,” he said.

 “Thanks, you buy lunch!”

            This use of vendor credit made my friend very rich -- and resulted in the plunge of cocaine prices in North America.  If you use this type of credit, make sure you pay your vendors.  They are your banks -- and you can’t afford to lose their financing.  If you divert their money, make sure it is only for liquid performing assets.

            Institutional credit, as they say, is for anybody who doesn’t need money.  I am shocked at the poor investments institutions often make.  Their criteria for lending are so one-dimensional you need to simplify your approach for them.

            For the purpose of playing, you need to keep three items in mind when dealing with an institution: cash flow, assets, and leverage.  Here’s the big secret: if you acquire cash flow and assets (preferable at a deep discount), you can always leverage them.

            I helped many companies while I was active in the clothing industry implement this type of credit.  New manufacturers or designers often ran into a problem that comes with their initial success in the market place.  The problem is they don’t have the capital to produce larger orders.

            I was having lunch with one of LA’s fastest rising designers.  He told me, “I actually turned down an order from Bloomingdale’s.”

“Why?  Your clothes would be great at Bloomies!”

“I don’t have a credit line yet -- and no bank will give me the money to produce that kind of volume.”

  “Sure they will," I told him.  "You just have to give them something first.”

  “I’m not that kind of guy -- ”

  “I don’t mean your body,” I assured him.

  “I don’t have children,” he added.

  “You don’t have to give them your kids either.  Just give them the purchase order.” 

  “What good will that do?” he wanted to know.

  “If you pledge the payment of a credit worthy company like Bloomies to a banker that specializes in the industry, they will advance you the money to produce the goods.”  He took my advice and his company is doing great now.  I hope he calls me when it's time to go public.

            So, if you plan to use credit be careful.  If you plan to use it in business and don’t already, then take some easy steps now.  Incorporate a company and open a bank account with a decent balance immediately.  It will take two years until the value of this step is realized. But trust me, if your company isn’t two years old, credit will be tough.  Since you have a corporate bank account, use it to secure a corporate credit card.  A player should always have a corporate shell aging like a fine bottle of wine.  At some point, if I were to write a book that focused just on business, I would discuss this topic in great detail. But for now, you need only know that creating credit is as possible as creating yourself.

"Home Sweet Home And A Condo In The Desert"

            We have all heard that a man’s home is his castle.  So why, in my daily travels, haven’t I noticed more moats and drawbridges?  In fact the only castle I’ve seen in California cost me fifteen dollars  -- and it was built by William Randolph Hearst.  Hearst’s castle is impressive but unfortunately out of most of our price ranges.  So what turns a home into a castle?  The answer to this question is an understanding of both what a home is and the fact that a home can’t be a castle without a king.  In other words, being a player starts out here.

            So what is a home?  In Hebrew the word for home, bayet, starts with the second letter in the Hebrew alphabet, Bet.  The letter Bet is specifically constructed with a dot in the middle to convey the idea of containment.  Any word that has the Hebrew letter Bet in it will also have an aspect of containment attached to it.

            In the case of the word for house, bayet, we know that a house is a structure -- which contains us and most of our belongings.  There are two equally important matters for consideration.  First, what is contained, and second, the containment itself.

            Both of these matters seem to be addressed in the Biblical story of Jacob.  Jacob left his father Isaac's home fearing for his life, with no belongings.  His stealing of Esau's blessing from Isaac precipitated the situation. (Do not confuse this with Esau’s selling of his birthright.)  After having stolen the blessing, Jacob’s mother Rebecca informed him that his brother Esau planned on killing him for the theft.  She advised him to flee to the land of her family until Esau calmed down.

            Jacob took four wives from the house of Lavan, who became his father in law in addition to being his uncle.  However, Lavan was not an honorable businessman. This caused Jacob to not only have to deal with him in clever ways but, after deciding to take his family and money back to the land of his birth, he had to do so in the middle of the night.

            Lavan pursued Jacob and confronted him.  In the end, Jacob moved on as he had planned -- only to then be confronted by his brother Esau.  Jacob's handling of his meeting with Esau, like that with Lavan, produced a peaceful result.  This brings us to the point that concerns us most.

            After these meetings, the Bible says that Jacob dwelt in Sukkoth.  There, he built a house for his family and a Sukkah for his animals.

Most Biblical scholars think of a Sukkah as a temporary dwelling -- utilized by the Jewish people during their forty years in the desert after their exodus from Egypt.  In fact, this state of living is reenacted once a year during the Jewish holiday of Sukkoth.  During this holiday, the Bible says explicitly that Jews should build for themselves a Sukkah -- like their ancestors dwelt in, in the desert -- and dwell in them for the length of the holiday (8 days).  It is in the holiday of Sukkoth that we can find the meaning of building a Sukkah.

            On the first day of the seventh month of the Jewish calendar, the Bible says God judges the world and decrees all events that are to take place.  Not just for the Jewish people, but for every living thing that exists in the world.  On the tenth day of the same month, there is a Day of Atonement.  This is an opportunity to lighten or change the decree.  On the fifteenth of the same month is the commandment to dwell in a Sukkah.  This is the time that the decree is sent to all living things.

The obvious purpose of a Sukkah is protection.  The fact that it is a temporary dwelling with no fixed roof (In the desert, the roof was the protective clouds of God; today tree branches or palm fronds are substituted) tells us that its protection is not of a physical nature, but rather the protection of the spiritual or meta-physical world.  It is this protection that guards its dwellers from an evil decree.

            The paradox is that the source of the bad decree is God and the source of the protection is also God.  All of this interaction takes place in a mobile environment.  It was with great wisdom that Jacob built this place for his animals. Soon, we will see why he did this -- by contrasting the Sukkah to the house.

            As we said earlier, Jacob built a house for his family.  Why do human beings dwell in houses?  The first reason that comes to most people is for protection from the elements of the physical environment.  Once protection from the physical environment is achieved, it is possible to organize and develop our own potential.

Jacob built a Sukkah for his animals not because they needed protection from the physical environment.  Certainly there was no need for them to organize their belongings or develop some greater potential.  Jacob built it for the spiritual protection that his animals needed.  Jacob’s flocks were clearly a symbol of his great blessing of being able to create wealth.  Because they were a result of a positive, external and internal blessing, Jacob protected them by putting them in a place that would safeguard them from a negative, external blessing.

            Jacob built a house for his family because they were the result of a positive internal and external blessing.   The fact that they were derivatives of his own life force distinguished them from all otherworldly belongings or creatures.  The containment of one’s own life force is a matter of free will and subject to negative or positive blessings.  Until there is a release from this containment, negative or positive blessings are not relevant.

            Jacob’s animals were clearly external in terms of their life force. But the fact that Jacob dealt cleverly with Lavan and influenced their creation -- almost in a genetic engineering type of way -- gives the animals an internal demarcation as well.  The fact that they became externally independent -- in that Jacob would no longer sleep in the field with them -- created the necessity for them to have their own spiritual protection in the form of a Sukkah.

The fact that Jacob began dwelling in a home with his family, bringing his blessing into the containment of a family structure, is what in fact made that structure a home.  Until that point, there was protection from the elements and there were belongings -- but the merit of their source was missing.

            In the language of today, the story is often the same -- minus the happy ending.  Many men or women who are blessed with success in their careers are still absent from their homes.  Their children derive the material benefits of their efforts. But they are greatly damaged by the lack of spiritual protection that results from their absence.  Jacob, at the first opportunity possible, moved the essence of his life force from external matters to internal matters -- creating a home for his family.  I know so many people who should follow this example -- it pains me to count.  I’m sure you do as well.

            Another aspect that should be contrasted is that animals prefer to wander while humans do not.  Jacob knew that a structure that was a physical containment of his flock would be contrary to their nature and counter-productive.  On the other hand, Jacob understood that his family needed a structure that was permanent.  Not that the physical structure itself has to be permanent -- but the conceptual structure that it represents must be permanent.

            A house is the synthesis of the spiritual qualities of the Sukkah and the physical qualities of a house.  The containment of a house protects that which is contained both spiritually and physically-- not just from harm that occurs from that which is external, but from harm that is created internally as well. If its contents are organized, there is a feeling of permanence.  A house that is disorganized is just a house.  A house that is organized becomes a home.

            I once heard a story from the student of a spiritual giant.  He told me that although his teacher traveled constantly -- and often spent only one night per town that he was visiting -- his wife always unpacked their suitcases and put their clothes nicely away in the drawers of their room.  This great man, with the help of his wife, made a home wherever he traveled.  It was clearly this ability to create a home -- no matter the location -- that allowed the expenditure of spiritual resources that not only afforded his family benefit, but the world at large.  He created a home not only for his family and himself but also, in a great sense, for his followers.

            Being a player starts at home. And now we have a philosophical understanding of what a home is.  So, let’s get down to a practical application.  The most practical is that you must acquire a house so that you can turn it into a home.

            I have heard financial wizards discuss the merits of home ownership.  Some have actually said that in today’s economic environment, it might be better to rent than own.  Let me put this matter straight.  If someone is just a bean counter (for his profession), then they may actually be able to justify -- in terms of numbers that are relative to his current economic circumstance -- not owning a house.  Their lack of understanding of the overall value of owning a house makes their advice ludicrous and dangerous.  Besides, the importance of home ownership is defined by far greater criteria than economics.

            The first criteria of home ownership we have discussed are in terms of permanence. But our Biblical example did not demonstrate the most obvious type of permanence, ownership.  And because the Bible understands the deeper permanence of content, it does not mean we should ignore the permanence of ownership.

            Abraham dwelled in the fields owned by Mamri.  However, when he needed a burial plot -- a permanent home for his deceased wife Sara and eventually for himself -- he bought the cave known as Mach-pelah.  Abraham was a popular figure and the owner of Mach-pelah offered to give him the cave. But Abraham insisted on buying it at the top market value. 

            Abraham understood that even though all of the land he dwelled in had been promised to him and his descendents as a gift from God, it was he himself that should acquire his eternal resting place in the physical world.  To this day, the eternal resting place of Abraham gives great comfort and a sense of stability and feeling rooted to all his descendants.

            Personally, I have met a lot of high-flying dealmakers who rent big estates or penthouses.  Some even live in hotels.  I have never met a real player who does not own his or her own home.  A player needs to own a home because it establishes roots.  If you have roots, you are perceived as being ready to play the whole game.  If a person does not own a home, he becomes a dealmaker.

            Dealmakers are the sports equivalent to a pinch hitter -- or special teams player.  A tree without roots blows with the wind.  If you try to play with dealmakers (non home-owners), you always run the risk of wasting time.  If you lack roots, you also run the risk of wasting other people’s time.

            Now that I’ve convinced you to buy a home -- because it gives you roots and permanence -- let me add that it is also, for the most part, a good investment.  In our discussion of credit, I mentioned that the majority of most Americans' financial wealth can be found in their homes.  I also mentioned that there are tax benefits connected to owning.  What I would like to mention now is perhaps the greatest financial benefit to home ownership: financial security.

            I know someone is potentially a player if they own their home outright.  Whether they paid cash or paid it off is the same thing in my mind.  They are likely to play the game of their choice and they are probably playing for the love of the game rather than necessity.

            With permanence and financial security in mind, what type of house should you buy?  One you can afford.  I have seen friends who are dealmakers make a deal and pick up five hundred thousand dollars at once.  Instead of buying a house for cash at five hundred thousand dollars, they make a down payment on a house that costs two million.  Inevitably, the real estate market takes a down turn and a few deals go bad.  You know the rest.  The bank repossesses the house and the guy who could have been a player is now looking to his next deal just to pay first and last month's rent on his new apartment.

            Don’t think that players never lose a game -- sometimes, they do.  What makes them different from dealmakers is that they don’t lose their homes.

            Now, with finances properly in mind, what does a player’s home consist of?  Certainly the basics -- and definitely a guest bedroom.  Remember our premise that a player has abundance; people should perceive the potential for benefit.  I also recommend a few entertainment aspects.  A nice dining room (I’ve told you about food), a swimming pool, a pool table, and -- of course -- a big screen TV.  Show me your house and I will show you, you.  If people enjoy being guests in your home, they often enjoy you as well.  So make it fun.

            Does size matter?  Like most things, we would be kidding ourselves to think bigger is not better. But more important is what you do with it -- how you use it.  A well put-together, classy small home is better than a poorly maintained, tacky, large one.

            When my father bought his second home (my birth place), his mother (my grandmother) did not approve.  She thought it was aesthetically unappealing and she offered to give him financial help in order to buy a nicer place.  He refused.  Consequently, I grew up in a home that was far more modest than my wealthy relatives' houses.

            I remember the night that an older cousin pulled me aside (at her own party in her beautiful Brentwood home) and said, “No matter how nice a party I try to throw, I could never equal the ones at the little house your parents used to give.  Those are my best memories.  That little house was filled with so much warmth and love.”  My family moved from that small house when I was seven -- but luckily, the warmth and love moved along with us.

            So what then should you fill your house with?  That’s right, more important than anything else, warmth and love.  Believe me, I’m not being mushy.  These items have unfortunately become rare commodities today.  If you have them, your house will be special.  Combine them with some good food and royalty will come over -- and not even mind eating on the floor.

            If you still have room for furniture, you know by now my motto-- buy quality.  If you have good taste, decorate yourself.  If you don’t, then hire a decorator.  I always buy quality and I do my own decorating.  I can tell you this much -- people constantly comment on how much they like the leather sofa in my living room.  It was the best when I picked it out twenty-one years ago and it is still the best today.  Once again, quality pays off in the long run.

            Artwork?  I recommend it highly.  Obviously, it can be a good investment. But most of all, it shows an understanding or interest in the expression of others.  Until now we have been primarily concerned with self-impact on our own surrounding environment.  Appreciating and putting artwork into your home counter balances any impression of self-centeredness in terms of impact on the world.  Remember, true power is in honoring others not yourself.

Feng Shui -- there is definitely something to it.  I say make sure you go to bed with your back to the west and wake up with your face to the east.  My reasoning is that is it better to look forward, towards waking up, than going to sleep.  Balance your environment and you will balance yourself.

            Wow, what a home we have built!  It is big, beautiful, tasteful, and filled with love and warmth.  It is even balanced -- but where is it?

            Aristotle Onasis once said, “It is better to have the worst place in the best building than the best place in the second best building.”  Refer back to the principles in “Right Time Right Place.”  And definitely choose the right neighborhood.

            If you are married, the most important factor is to make sure your wife is close to her friends and, if possible, her family.  If you are not married, the most important factor is being in close proximity to work or school.  Needless to say, it is ideal if you can combine these factors so that they are not mutually exclusive.  A wife that is close to her friends and family and a husband close to his work is ideal.  The formula is true even if the wife also works; women should live in a neighborhood close to family and friends.

            When I moved from Beverly Hills to downtown LA, it raised more than a few eyebrows.  In Los Angeles, people in general just didn’t live downtown.  In fact, many major cities had the same identity crisis.  “Downtown is for work, not living.”  One friend of mine -- who is a Century City attorney and thinks he is a player -- actually advised me that living downtown just "wasn’t cool."

            A few years later, several major cities with downtown identity crises -- including LA -- have changed dramatically.  Spending more time at home and less time in a car has become very nice and rewarding.  Downtowns are booming with development -- including sports facilities, entertainment centers, and, yes, housing.  My living downtown is usually mentioned by those who know me to those who don’t before I am even asked the question, “Where do you live?”  This happens because where you choose to live identifies which of your senses you rely on the most.

            In my case, people who tell others that I live downtown are usually telling them several things.  By the way, they usually specify that I live in a high-rise not a loft.  So what are they telling them?

            For starters, I have a good sense of time.  I live walking distance to my former office.  When people mention that I live in a high rise, they are telling them that I am primarily visual.  “I live downtown because of the view!”  This means that I believe what I see more than what I hear.  “I live in the heart of Los Angeles” means that I would rather be in a place to make things happen than to just have them happen.  The heart governs me. 

            Intelligence is found in the brain, wisdom is found in the heart.  It is no coincidence that the Silicon Valley is found in Northern California while media and entertainment empires are located in Southern California – showing the predominance of intellect in the former and wisdom in the latter.

            Having discussed the philosophical approach of Jacob -- and that, which is practical -- I would like to now share with you one of the deepest spiritual understandings of what a house truly is.  I alluded to the concept when I discussed the concept of living in the heart of the city -- and earlier when I said, “Show me your home and I will show you, you.”

            The concept is this: "Man was created in the likeness of God.”  What is really meant by this is that the human body is a microcosm of all creation, which is inclusive of the creator.  The universe which surrounds us -- and that we are a part of -- is the amplification of the mirror image of the human body.  The existence of all people in our world is a reflection of the human body.  Our homes are the reflection of our own human body.

            Recently, a young girl sat down at my table at The Coffee Bean and began asking some very serious questions.  She started with, “Do you believe in God?”

I told her that I did.  She asked me what or who God is.  I answered, “Something that is incomprehensible to a human being.  We are to God as a red blood cell is to us.  The blood cell is a part of us and it has a function.  It knows that we exist because it contains our DNA or genetic imprint -- but it cannot conceive or comprehend our existence in our entirety.”

            Believe it or not, this youngster actually got what I was saying.  We know instinctively that the universe is a body and that our body is a universe -- and that the collective body of all humanity is also a universe.  This instinctive knowledge or awareness makes us distinct from all other living things and is itself God’s genetic imprint on us.

            King Solomon remarked at one point, “There is nothing new under the sun.”  Of course he was right -- that’s why he is King Solomon. But he was careful to say “under the sun.”  What takes place beyond the sun is always new because it is what is necessary for our creation to continue.  In other words, the greater body of the universe influences or creates the universe of humanity. Humanity results in the universe of the human and the human creates a universe of his or her own.  This universe is best exemplified in the creation we call home.

            Your home should be true to the universe of your body.  There should be a place to learn for your mind, a place to love for your heart, a place to eat for your stomach, and so on.  Just as you influence the quality of these places, they will influence you.  Remember that when you build a home, you are building yourself.  Like the red blood cell, the genetic imprint you put on your home will in turn create who you are.

            So why do you need a home in the desert or a home in the Hamptons or a beach house in Malibu?  The obvious answer is that it's nice to get away.  The not so obvious answer is, as we have discussed, that a player has more than he or she needs.  This allows for the perception by others that they have something to gain.

            The important reason for building a home that is a secondary residence is the transmission that the ability to build the first home was no accident.  For those of us that believe in God, what good would the universe have been to itself or us if we hadn't been created so that we could continue creating?

            By creating a second home, you are not only proving the first was not accidental -- but also that it translates to other environments.  My home in Palm Springs looks nothing like my home in Los Angeles -- but it feels the same.  Why?  Because my imprint is on it; make no mistake about it.  A player is a creator.  Creating starts with oneself – which is what this book is all about.  If you want to be a real player, start by creating a good home -- and then do it again just to make sure.

“It’s Not Who You Know, It's How Far You Go.”

            Most players I know are, at the very least, sexual people -- and at full speed, they are sexually voracious.  Players often use sex or sexuality to get what they want.  Sometimes the reverse is true, they demand sex or sexuality from those who are trying to get something from them.  In either case, sex is an issue. In many cases, it is a fundamental issue.  Many of the great scandals of our time would have been avoided if the issue of sex (especially in regards to the work place) had been dealt with in a more intelligent, honest, and practical way.

            As a disclaimer, I must tell you the following story.  There was a religious student who once, during class, asked his Rabbi, “If a Jewish man wanted to have pre-marital sex, should it be with a Jewish woman or a gentile woman?”

The Rabbi walked over to him and slapped his face in front of the entire class and said, “I’ve dedicated my life to teaching people how not to sin.  How dare you ask me to teach how to sin, but try to sin less in the process?”

            Although I am not a Rabbi, Priest, or Minister, it is still difficult for me to discuss this topic for the above stated reason.  It should be said that intimacy belongs in a relationship, intimacy that is both loving and sanctified.  However, this premise will never be a reality without development of an implementation of understanding and management of sexuality.

            To understand sex, you must understand the drive for sex.  In a man, it is possibly the single greatest drive he will have for most of his life.  We will look at this in terms of a player. But for now, the basic understanding applies to most men and women.  The sex drive is so strong because it satisfies two basic needs: completion and creation.  The other needs that are satisfied -- such as physical enjoyment, conquest, or power -- are secondary to completion and creation.  Without knowing this, you cannot ever hope to manage sexuality.

            To examine completion -- as I mentioned earlier -- you must understand that for every physical reality, there is a spiritual reality that is reflected.  Whatever your concept of God might be, there is no question that the ultimate happiness or highest spiritual state is a feeling of oneness with that in which you believe.

            The physical reflection of this concept is sexual intercourse.  At its highest moment -- both physically and emotionally -- it is as close as two human beings can come to a feeling of completion or oneness.  It is no accident that humans enjoy sex physically and emotionally.  Certainly it is pleasurable by design; that’s why humans don’t lay eggs like grunions (fish) then fertilize them later or pollinate them for that matter.  We could have been created like this but we were not.  Why?  Because human beings need the experience of physical completion to understand the reality of spiritual completion.

            So how did this happen and when did sex start?  The oldest human account of a male female relationship is once again Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden.  Adam was lonely after his creation.  He had been created complete and perfect.  Because his soul was unique, he could enjoy and understand the rest of creation but he could not be one with it.  So, at this point, Adam’s creator decided to create love.

            Now, unfortunately, the vast majority of the world incorrectly believes that Eve came from Adam’s rib because the Bible says that Adam’s side was closed.  In actuality, it was his entire side that was closed because Adam -- in his original state -- was androgynous.  Eve was literally created by separating Adam almost entirely from his female side.   Only some hormones were to remain.

            When Adam awoke after this procedure, he saw Eve and said, “Finally the flesh of my flesh, the bone of my bone -- something that I can cleave to.”  From that moment forward, man’s fundamental and basic desire for completion began.  Only through the physical and emotional merger with each other can both sides be one again.  It is also from this event that human beings developed the trait of being happier -- regaining that which they valued and lost than that which they always had and not lost.

            So there it is – you now know why we are so attached to each other.  Man’s desire is more aggressive because he is trying to get back what he has lost.  A woman, like a child who has lost his or her parents, has a very strong desire to be found and reunited with her other half.  He wants to seek; she wants to be sought after.  It is perfection.

            Once Adam and Eve became bound by time and graced with knowledge, the drive of procreation began.  To understand spiritually that we are the receivers of life, we must experience being the givers of life.

            So men and woman are driven spiritually to procreate.  Physically, we procreate to protect our own mortality.  If death is the definition of being bound by time in the physical world, procreation -- the giving of life -- is the transcendence of time in the physical world.  Our instinct of not wanting to die comes from an original state of immortality in the Garden of Eden.  Our current state of immortality comes from recreating ourselves by means of procreation.  We go on living in the physical world by extending ourselves through our creation of children.

            With this understanding of the true meaning of sex (or reason for the sex drive) in mind, we can now discuss sex in terms of the title of our chapter.  “It's not who you know, it's how far you go.”  Or, as most people say, “Sleeping your way to the top!”  Sex in this case is less a function of the basic instincts we have already discussed but, rather, a function of power.

            The human relationship to the spiritual world is, for the most part, a feminine relationship.  We are the receivers of life.  We receive life from a higher power.  When a man has sexual intercourse with a woman, he is literally injecting his life force into her.  This act can be used positively -- to understand the spiritual act that we are the beneficiaries of -- or negatively, to create a self-belief that we are actually the physical equivalents of the higher spiritual power.  In psychological terms, this would be called a God complex -- or at least an attempt to create one.

            The receiver of this type of sex also derives power.  However, the power of the receiver is found in denying the giver of life fulfillment of the basic need for completion and creation.  The receiver also derives power through the knowledge that ultimately it is their purpose they believe that has been achieved in the sense of long-term benefit.  The concept is: submit to power to achieve higher power for oneself.

            Most people expect me to say at this point, “Sex for completion and creation is the highest form of sex and sex for power is the lowest.”  I won’t, though, because while the first assertion of this statement is true, the latter is not.  Sex for power or gain is not the lowest form of sex.  It is, in fact, in the middle.  Unfortunately for so many of us, the lowest sexual practice is casual sex.  Sex outside of wedlock or without material gain or giving is just casual sex.  It is simply sex without purpose which, given what we know, is a waste of many types of potential.

            It is the waste of potential that in fact becomes the purpose of casual sex.  Recently, a very attractive twenty-five year old young woman called me and asked for advice regarding a relationship in which she had been involved.

            She began by telling me she was very depressed.  She and her boyfriend of one and a half years were taking a week off to decide their future.  She also told me that she loved and missed him very much. But regardless of whether they got back together or not, she didn’t think she would marry him.

            I asked, “If you love and miss this guy so much, why not marry him?”  She told me they fought a lot and that their relationship was obsessive.  Under normal circumstances, I would not have given personal advice during my business hours. But she was calling for me when it was well after 6:00 pm (New York time) so I told her what I thought.       

            “In business terms, you have made a bad investment.  The only person you should be in love with is your husband. Your lack of a wedding ring clearly says this guy is not the one, at least as of now.  Putting yourself into a relationship that is not a marriage is the same as remodeling a house you do not own.  You're giving yourself away. You may not receive a return on your investment or your initial investment.  You may actually lose forever the part of yourself which you have given.”

I have seen so many men and women who have given senselessly to relationship after relationship only to finally say, “Well it didn’t work out -- but we had a good time.”  Then, they inevitably go back and call these relationships baggage, which they are not.  They are bad investments of one's self.  The negative connotation of baggage is that something bad is brought forward from a previous relationship.  The truth is that it's not what is negative that is brought forward, it is the lack of what's positive that is brought forward -- due to the person involved being previously and erroneously expended.

            So when people say they have gotten picky in their old age, they are really saying they have made some bad investments.  They -- and the people around them -- no longer have as much to give.

            Back to the young lady. She then said, “I called because I’m depressed. This is making me feel worse -- how do I get out of it?”

I told her, “Find your other half and marry him. Stop wasting your time with this guy if he’s not the one.  Remember Adam and Eve. “The flesh of my flesh, the bone of my bone.”  If you do not say this when you look at the person you are dating, you have no business falling in love.  So cancel the deal and you’ll feel better.”

            Then, I told her the following story.  “Not too long ago, I risked several million dollars on a deal.  I was betting on picking up a major manufacturing contract and, at the same time, entering into a retail joint venture.  Both deals were with men who rank on the world's most wealthy list – with a net-worth in the billions. Both men seemed to like me and both deals had merit.  In the end, I lost all of the money I invested. 

            The losses were devastating because the deals had already progressed -- at least in my mind -- so far.  This progression took a great deal of time and I kept investing, in hopes of reaching my final goal.  So in the end, when the final answers came back “No deal” and all was lost, those close to me asked, “How are you feeling?”  My answer was, “Much better.”

            You see when I do deals, I know there are three possible outcomes: win, lose, or draw.  Of course I prefer to win. But as in the famous words from the Godfather, “The Don likes to hear bad news right away!”  The sooner I realize I’ve made a bad investment, the sooner I can stop the loss.  When I’m not losing anymore, I feel better because I am once again ready to gain.

            I then asked this girl, “Do you understand what I’m saying?” 

            "Yes, you're making me feel more confident," she replied.

            “Good, so get married and cut your loss.  The worst part is what you're doing right now, being confused.”

            I have discussed casual sex in great detail because it is so devastating.  Relationships that complete, create, or benefit materially can be justified, others simply cannot.  Yes, I know the argument that it feels good. And I certainly agree -- but so does heroin and I don’t recommend doing that either.  So, if you have nothing to gain by being intimate other than physical pleasure, don’t do it.

            At this point, to avoid being called a hypocrite, I must also say that my insight is through experience.  I personally know the short-term pleasure of lowering one's moral standards -- but no good has ever come from it.  Not for me or anybody else that I know.

            Another friend of mine once told me that he was very upset.  I asked, “Why? What's wrong?”  It turned out that an older gentleman who had been his friend and role model for many years had shared with him a disturbing thought.

            The older man told my friend that despite his enormous wealth and countless women throughout the years, his life stood for nothing.  Now that he was older, he could see that he had accumulated wealth and experiences -- but built nothing.  All he could say was “I’ve slept with a lot of women in my life.  That’s all my life was about.”  I’m glad my friend told me this story because I want my life to stand for more than this -- and I want your life to stand for more as well.

            Don’t ever confuse weakness or inconsistency with being a hypocrite.  If any of us slips and does the wrong thing, but our overall purpose is to do what is right, then we are not hypocrites.  If you do something wrong, the most important thing is knowing what you have done is wrong.  The second most important factor is correcting what you’ve done wrong if it is at all possible.  For example, to say you are sorry for stealing and then not pay for what you have stolen is nonsense.  Finally, you must make every effort not to repeat what you have done wrong.

            I urge you – based on my own personal experiences -- to take my advice.  I try to, but also fail on occasion.  It is possible to be perfect in one's imperfection.  You may fail -- but the handling and learning from that which you have failed at can be completely successful or perfect too.

            All right, now you know the history, the philosophy, the pitfalls, and the moral standard that is so difficult to keep (inclusive of the author).  So let’s talk about sex.  Sex is not only a part of life. As we have discussed, it is the essence of life.  A player is often a very sexual individual because of the characteristics that exemplify the three types of sexual behavior (we have discussed) are often amplified in the characteristics of a player.  Because a player has a higher motivation to impact and make things happen, the first areas to experience this higher potential are basic instincts.  In this case, the most basic: sex.

            Sex at its highest level is what I have recommended for everybody -- especially a player.  A pure player’s primary focus in all matters is completion and creation.  To project no doubt, that must be your essence.  A player can be successful in business and even in establishing a home for himself or herself -- and still not be successful.  Why would he or she not be successful?  Because the success is finite, it begins and ends with the individual.  The basic definition we have used for being a player is ongoing impact on oneself and others.  A business or home that has failed to create a family is incomplete.

            My advice, if you want to be a player, is to get married and have a family.  Make this success the basis for all your other successes.  Have sex in this context to complete yourself and create a family.  Always have one or both of these purposes in mind before, during, and after.  The energy you put into this level of sex will be a great investment that will pay dividends hopefully well beyond your own lifetime.

            Mid level sex is a fact of life.  Although I do not advocate anything other than what's best for you, my job is different than the Rabbi's I made reference to earlier.  My job is to show you how to make the most of all possibilities.  So I will explain how to handle mid level sex in an attempt to minimize the compromise of oneself and keep you on track to being a player.

            First, make no mistake about it; I am clearly saying that if you're going to have sex outside of the sanctity of marriage, it should be for some type of gain.  Prostituting oneself sexually is a business decision; sex just for the sake of sex is harlotry.  Our premise is that it is better to be a prostitute than a harlot.

            Perhaps a good analogy would be the woman who steals a loaf of bread.  If she stole the loaf of bread because she was a poor single mother trying to feed her children, then she is similar to the person who prostitutes himself or herself sexually.  If she were a rich girl who stole the loaf of bread for the pure thrill of stealing, she is similar to the harlot.  In either case, stealing is wrong -- but the degree to which it is wrong is determined by the underlying motivation of the perpetrator.

            If you are going to use sex for gain remember it is pure business.  Make sure you have a goal and that your actions will truly help you reach your goal.  In this type of business, there are rarely contracts and lots of con men.

            Once you have a goal in mind, ask yourself some important, diligence questions.  Can the person you’re contemplating this type of relationship with give you what you want?  If so, does the person truly understand your expectations and do you understand theirs?  If the answer to these questions is positive, then you may have yourself a deal.

            At this point, I would feel heartless if I didn’t recommend cloaking this business deal with some type of romance.  Real romance can only take place in a marriage. But the illusion of romance can be created to make sex for gain more palatable for both parties involved.  Remember the saying, “Don’t believe your own press.”  This is not true love.  If you believe in the illusion you create, you are likely to lose track of your goals.  Inevitably, you will realize this one-day and find yourself very unhappy.  So, remind yourself of your goals everyday and don’t get lost in an illusion of love.

            These business principles are fairly straightforward. However, success depends on the subtleties.  If the person you are with can give you what you want -- and is aware that this is essential to your relationship -- remember the following: patience is a virtue. Also, payment in full is contingent on delivery.  In other words, don’t demand results in order to continue a relationship. But do withhold intimacy until you see at least some of what you expect.

            Early on in the book, I spoke of a girl whom I was very attracted to and, against my better judgment, introduced her to an agent.  If you recall, I refrained from making sex an issue. But if she had been smart (in the context of this point), she would have.  There was no doubt she at least liked me. And there was no doubt that I would help her achieve her goals.  Had she worked at making our relationship intimate and, at the same time, continued to stress the importance of her career, of course I would have continued to try and help her.

            The facts are the facts -- even though I like this girl and she is attractive.  I have no interest in helping her further.  Why?  As we have discussed, you get more by giving. Your giving causes the other person to invest in you.  If you buy another person lunch and they give you advice, both parties now have something of the other invested in them.  They now carry your food and you now carry their thoughts.  Players love themselves first.  If a part of himself or herself is invested in someone else, they want to see that investment succeed.

            This is even more the case with sex.  If I love myself and literally invest my life force into a woman, I can assure you I perceive that woman as an investment.  My motivation to help her succeed is exponentially increased because I feel part of myself is attached to her success.  This fact is uncomfortable at this level because the relationship lacks something. But the power of this type of investment is independent of love.

            In the Bible, we see two prime examples of this type of intimate business.  The first is between Judah -- who was Jacob’s son -- and Judah’s daughter-in-law, Tamar.  Judah had two sons marry Tamar and die without having fathered children.  So, he withheld his third son -- fearing he might die as well.

            Tamar, having her legal rights to conceive from the family of her husband (Judah’s oldest son), took matters into her own hands.  She disguised herself as a prostitute and waited on a road where she knew she would run into Judah.  Upon seeing her, Judah expressed his desire for her. But he admitted that he did not have the funds necessary to pay her in person.  He assured her that he was good for the debt -- but she insisted on taking his signet ring and his staff as collateral.

            After their intimate encounter, Judah tried to make good on his debt. However, nobody knew of the woman for whom he was looking.  Soon after this event, Judah was informed that his daughter-in-law was pregnant and must be tried before him as a harlot.  At her trial, Tamar presented Judah -- who stood in judgment of her -- with his signet ring and said, “The man who has fathered my child gave me this ring.”  Judah immediately pronounced to the court that he was the father and that Tamar was not a harlot but a righteous woman who had enforced her rights under the law.  Rights that Judah himself had been negligent in enforcing.

            In this example, Tamar exemplifies the concept of intimacy for gain.  In this case, the gain was not only for herself but for Judah as well since her actions corrected his.  Higher purposes aside, Tamar made sure her business was with the one person who could give her what she wanted (a child from the line of Judah).  Tamar made sure Judah knew that she expected to gain from this relationship (she obviously did not make it clear how). And, even though he was a man of great wealth and power, she was sure to ask for a show of good faith or guarantee.  This is good business.

            The other example one must consider is Avigail.  When King David came to destroy her husband and his household, she intervened.  She met David on his way with his men.  She brought a great feast and an apology.  She also revealed to David some of her skin.  At this point, she gave David a convincing argument that his actions were wrong.  David changed his mind and spared Avigail, her husband, and their household.

            Where’s the sex?  Avigail used her sexuality and the potential of sex to dissuade David.  Shortly after their meeting, Avigail’s husband died.  David sent for her immediately and took her as his first wife.  This case shows the power of the promise or prospect of sex.  Avigail prevented David from destroying her husband’s household with her sexuality.  Good food and wise words helped, but she knew ultimately that the prospect of intimacy would be the deciding factor.

            On the topic of casual sex, I have told you my thoughts. But let me share with you this advice.  If you chase after money or success, you will have plenty of sex.  If you chase after sex, you will have little money or success.  The absolute worst possibility of engaging in casual sex is, as I have said, the lack of return on investment.  The danger mentioned above is that the habit of bad investment can spread.  If at your most basic level you are willing to be wasteful, you will do so in other aspects of your life as well.

            If you engage in casual sex, make sure you know that it is wrong.  If I may be graphic for a moment, let me also say no matter what type of sex you are having, a player always finishes on top.  This is particularly important during casual sex.  Even if your sexuality is out of control, your sex should not be.  Stay on top, stay in control.

            In conclusion, sex can be the best investment in your life or the worst.  Sometimes, as the title of our chapter suggests, it can also be something in between.  Sex at its best should complete who you are and create your future.  Loving yourself and investing yourself in someone else completes the cycle of loving oneself.

            Sex at its worst is an investment in nothing.  The giving of oneself with no return leads to a depletion of oneself.  The resulting emptiness or bankruptcy deprives the individual of resources needed for the investment in higher-level relationships -- thus perpetuating the need for casual sex.

            Sex that falls in the other category (named in our chapter title) is sex for gain.  This type of sex involves the issue of an investment and a return -- and should be handled like the business transaction that it is.  Even if it is dressed up with romance, it is business and you should be careful not to lose track of your goals.

            So there it is, a player -- contrary to popular belief -- should not play when it comes to sex.  Rather, a player should use his ability to impact his environment to establish the highest level of intimacy possible.  Relationships are business deals -- don’t ever forget that.  Marriage is the most important deal either party can make, so make sure the deal is sound business. Finally, remember this: if you wouldn’t give someone your wallet or your checkbook, think real hard before you give them your body and your soul.

"If There Is A Doubt, There Is No Doubt"

            “If there is a doubt, there is not doubt.  That’s the first thing they teach you.”

            "Who’s they?”

            “I don’t remember.  That’s the second thing they teach you.” 

            This classic exchange between Robert DeNiro and Jean Reno in the movie Ronin justified this movie having been made (not much else did).  So important is the topic of doubt to a player that I’ve decided to give it a chapter of its own.

            In the case of the Robert DeNiro line, DeNiro is referring to doubt -- or knowing instinctively that something is wrong.  His philosophy is simple.  If you are a player (in his case a spy) you should be able to trust your instincts.  If you think it is wrong, it is wrong.  The other type of doubt that we must consider is derived from insecurity -- a lack of confidence in one’s self.  Be sure not to confuse the two because the results are disastrous.

            Let me deal with the latter doubt prior to the former.  Doubts that come from insecurity can often be remedied through preparation or ability.  If you have prepared to the point of being at the best of your abilities, you should not be insecure.  Be the best that you can be and believe in yourself.

            My father always told me the best way to cheat on a test is to know the material one hundred percent.  What he was saying is that cheating is really the act of achieving an unfair advantage.  In an environment that accepts knowing seventy percent as passing, one hundred percent mastery of subject matter is, in fact, an unfair advantage over the other test takers.  I never felt insecure when I took a test that I had prepared to the best of my abilities to take.

            In life, you will be given many tests.  Never stop preparing for them.  Life is like an ice mountain -- you are either going up or sliding down.  Every night before going to sleep, ask yourself what you have done to make yourself better.  Did you learn something?  Did you pray?  Did you increase your income potential?  Did you exercise?  Did you do something for someone else?  Did you take some time just to talk to a friend or family member?”  I mean it, ask yourself these questions every night and make sure you have at least one yes answer in every category.  Trust me -- if you do, you have nothing to be insecure about and you are definitely moving in the right direction.

            The doubt that a player must be particularly sensitive about is external doubt.  A player does not have self-doubts, not if he or she follows my advice. But doubting others is very important. The non-player world is made up of people who usually want to believe.  A player functions so effectively in this world because he gives non-players something in which to believe.  The difficult part for a player is to be sure he or she does not get played.

            In essence, what I’m saying to you is that after giving you much information on how to impact others, make sure you use that information so that others do not impact you.  To win the game, you must control the game.  The most effective way to control the game is to let others think they are in control. But make sure in the end it is you that is in control.

            If you have a doubt about someone or something, it is not really a doubt.  Your instincts are trying to tell you to heighten your awareness to the situation because something is wrong.  I have never lost money or been disappointed by someone and not instinctively seen it coming.  It was the ignoring of doubt -- the ignoring of my instincts -- that led me to trouble.

            The worst mistake I possibly ever made in my life came from ignoring a large amount of doubt.  The first doubt that I ignored was whether I was doing something right or wrong.   If you truly believe that something is right, there is a good chance that it is.  Especially if it violates no fundamentally accepted behaviors.  (Namely, you are not hurting anyone or anything).  If you think that there is a possibility that what you are doing is wrong, it probably is.  Wrong, for our purposes, means adverse effects for you and for others.  I certainly knew that what I was doing was not right -- but I was not entirely sure that it was wrong, so I proceeded.

            The second doubt I had was with those people with whom I was dealing.  I knew for a fact that at least two of the individuals had no conscience when it came to doing harm to others.  I ignored this doubt because I wanted to believe that I was exempt from this possibility.

            At this point, let me interject something vital: never rely on wishful thinking.  I did in this case and it was disastrous.  Wishful thinking is not the same thing as positive thinking.  I insist on positive thinking because it is grounded in the intelligent and analytic dissemination of facts towards a positive conclusion.  I forbid wishful thinking because it involves ignoring or distorting facts -- allowing one to reach an illogical and, more often than not, erroneous conclusion.  I ignored the facts that I was dealing with bad people -- wishfully thinking that they would be good to me.  They weren’t and I suffered for it. 

            So, if you feel that what you're faced with is not right, don’t do it.  Don’t think that not wrong is the same as right.  Only do what you know in your heart and your mind is right.  If your heart and your mind are in disagreement, do not proceed until they are reconciled with each other.

            If you doubt the integrity and the abilities of those you are dealing with, then do not deal with them under any circumstances.  Look closely for inconsistencies in what they say and how they act.  The last young assistant I had marveled at my ability to predict the failures of our business associates.  I explained to him it was not hard -- just look for inconsistency.  If it sounds wrong, looks wrong, or feels wrong, it probably is wrong.

            One time in particular, I predicted that one of our major suppliers would go bankrupt soon.  My assistant asked, “Why would you say that?  They have a great brand name.  You even told me their sales were over one hundred million dollars last year, right?”  I proceeded to explain that the previous day I stopped by their massive factory to inquire as to why no sales rep had serviced our account in recent times. In fact I could not even get a return phone call.

            After a long wait, their receptionist sent me to meet the person in charge of their off price goods.  I kid you not; it was the owner’s seventy-year-old mother!  We met as she sold merchandise to employees and friends from her office.  They were literally trying clothes on in the closet.  I told her that until recently we were their largest off price distributor and I wanted to get our relationship back on track.  She told me she would look into it.

            I explained to my assistant that her lack of professionalism, coupled with her son’s lack of judgment, probably didn’t stop at off price sales.  We did, however, resume business; they tried to screw us in every deal -- but we were looking for it, so we did not get hurt.  Six months later, they filed for bankruptcy.  I knew they would because the woman running their important off price division was not consistent with what is expected from a brand name with sales in excess of one hundred million.

            Having discussed the basic premise of doubt, namely internal or external doubts and their causes and remedies, let's now take a look at the deeper instinct that triggers our feelings of external doubt.  This instinct comes from the relativity of time.  Man and his senses may be bound by time, but his instincts are not.  Much like animals that sense earthquakes, man senses possibilities that reach into the future.  This is due to a reverberation that is found within all time- energy continuums.  Because the force of time made time linear, there is an end to time.  All forward moving forces that reach an ending point reverberate -- thus allowing those sensitive to it to sense the feeling of the future that is retrograded in the reverberating force.

            A great example of this sensitivity is Joseph, Jacob’s oldest son with Rachel.  Jacob was a dreamer who understood his own dreams primarily in their relationship to man and to God.  Joseph was a dreamer who not only understood his own dreams but the dreams of others.  He was not only able to understand dreams of matters between God and man but between man and his fellow man as well.  To increase your understanding of this intuition or sensitivity that lies behind external doubt, we need to look at Joseph’s understanding not just of doubt but the doubt caused by prophetic dreams.

            Joseph, while in prison in Egypt, was appointed trustee over all other prisoners.  There came a time when two servants from Pharaoh’s house came under his charge.  One was the chief cupbearer and the other was the chief baker.  The chief cupbearer was placed in prison because a fly had been found in a cup of Pharaoh's wine.  The chief baker had been placed in prison because a pebble had been found in Pharaoh’s bread.

            One morning, these two men came to Joseph. They were both agitated by dreams that they had had the night before.  Let me interject here that their agitation came not from the dreams but from the doubt that was created by their lack of understanding of the dreams.  They sensed that the dreams predicted some future events -- but they did not know what.

            Keep in mind that prophetic dreams are the ultimate event reverberation from the force of forward moving time.  However, the actual event or condition one sees or senses in the future is difficult to understand because it is distilled through the human imagination.  This makes it subject to the individuals own perception of the world…

            Back to Joseph -- he inquires as to what their dreams were.  The cupbearer says he saw a grape vine with three grapes that he took and squeezed into Pharaoh’s cup -- which he placed into the Pharaoh’s hand.  Joseph tells him in three days his head will be raised up and he will be restored to his position.

            The baker tells Joseph that he dreamt he had three baskets on the top of his head.  The middle was loaded with Pharaoh’s food and birds ate from it.  Joseph tells him in three days his head will be raised up and that he will be hanged from his head, separating him from his life.  Birds will then pick at and eat his flesh.  At the end of three days, what Joseph had said came to be.

            Many people know this famous Biblical account. But far fewer know how Joseph came to his conclusions.  I know of nobody who has identified the principles that Joseph used so that they may be used for ongoing contemporary application.

            First, let's gain a basic understanding of Joseph’s interpretation.  In the case of the cupbearer, he saw that the three grapes were significant because a vine would normally have many more.  He also figured since they bloom so quickly (in a matter of days) that the amount of time would be three days.  From the squeezing of the grapes, Joseph saw the ability to create.  From the serving of the cup, hand to hand, Joseph saw completion and trust.  Thus, he arrived at his interpretation.

            In the case of the baker, Joseph saw three baskets as an unusually large number to carry over one’s head.  It was certainly a burden that one would only bear for a short period of time – thus, the three days.  The fact that there is no mention of the baker baking or being able to protect the bread from consumption by the birds indicates there is no life force present to protect.   The baskets were woven like a rope, not solid.  Birds generally continue to consume until all the potential for food is expended.  Thus, Joseph interpreted the baker’s dream as he did.

            The Bible says that as soon as Joseph completed the interpretation, they knew he was right.  There was no doubt.  Why had doubt been removed?  Because Joseph’s principles (and confidence) were infallible.  He looked into the dreams for the qualities that we have discussed which make a player -- which both of these men clearly were until the time that they were put into prison.

            In one case, Joseph saw much greater potential to use time.  In the other, he saw time was clearly limited.  In one case, Joseph saw the ability to create and protect (Pharaoh only would trust someone to give him wine if he was protecting him from being poisoned) and in the other he saw no creation and no ability to protect.  If you have doubts about people or situations, look for the absence or presence of these qualities to help you reach your decision.

            If you have any doubt about this, don’t stop with Joseph.  Pharaoh facilitated the fate of these two men because he saw what Joseph saw not in their dreams, but in their actions. In the case of the cupbearer, Pharaoh gave him the benefit of the doubt because he may not have failed in his duty to protect.  Why?  Because the fly may have flown into the wine after the cup was in Pharaoh’s hand.  Since in all other ways the cupbearer had created no doubt, Pharaoh gave him the benefit of his.

            The baker, on the other hand, created a doubt to which there could be no doubt.  The pebble clearly did not wind up in the bread after it was baked.  The Baker’s negligence could have harmed or even caused the death of Pharaoh.  Pharaoh was sure to make sure that this could not happen again.

            So, like Joseph, Pharaoh saw the ability to create and protect.  However, when he determined that those around him could create for him but not protect him, he eliminated them.  So there it is once again -- if you have doubt, it is coming from what you sense might be lacking in either of these two areas.

            Listen to your senses.  If you have doubt, look at the object or subject of your doubt in our terms.  Is it an opportunity?  Are you prepared for it?  Does it look right?  Is it timely?  Is it well thought out?  Does it have great impact potential?  Does it create or destroy?  Does it influence or is it subject to influence?  Will you get more than you give?  Are you protected?  If you have a negative response to any of these questions, then your doubt is not a doubt -- it is a premonition.  Do not proceed until you have corrected the matter to the point that the negative response is clearly a positive response.

            I have always told people, “Believe in yourself and believe in God. But be very careful before believing in anything else.”

"Risky Business"

            There is not a single moment in life where one is not at risk to some degree.  Whether it is a fender bender, a downturn in the stock market, or getting hit by lightning  (I have known some people that might benefit from lightning), risk abounds.  In general we can say that life is a risky business.

            So what is risk and why should it be such a pervasive element in our lives?  Risk is the potential for loss that comes also with the opportunity for gain.  Since there is not one thing in life that does not have opportunity for gain, there is not one thing in life that does not have an element of risk.  There simply is no such thing as potential for gain without potential for loss.

            The pertinent question would seem to be, if risk is unavoidable, then how does one maximize opportunity while minimizing risk?  This is the question that has been asked by great thinkers since the beginning of time.  Stacks of books have been written on the subject and lectures regarding it never cease.  Let me share with you the player’s formula; it is quite different from the traditional approach.

            The player's formula is based on an expression I’m sure you have heard before “Life is unfair.”  When people complain, you say, “Life’s not fair.”  That’s supposed to make them feel better, but it doesn’t.  Why not?  Because the saying is not true.  Life is fair. In fact, life is more than fair for most of us.

            So, to be completely accurate, the player's formula is based on the fact that most people believe the statement “Life is unfair.” But a player does not.  A player believes that life is fair.

            So what impact does a player derive from this view that life is fair?  A player basically does not perceive most matters as risky.  All matters handled correctly can be guarded from significant downside.  Downside or loss to a player does not equate to risk as they do to others.  Let me explain why.

            Risk, as we explained earlier, is a component of opportunity.  If you can gain, you can lose.  People who think that life is unfair perceive risk as an uncontrolled variable that can cause loss of any kind at anytime.  The proverbial being struck by lightning or reaching down to pick up a penny and hurting your back.  This view of risk leads, in many cases, to both irrational fear and a false sense of security.

            The irrational fear comes from the basis that since one is at risk at all times of opportunity, one can limit risk by limiting opportunity.  For example, in 1989, one of my attorneys commented to me that I was a defendant in more litigation than any other client she had ever had.  I asked her how many lawsuits she was defending on my company’s behalf (I knew the answer, I was just trying to make a point.) and she answered, “Six.”

            I then asked her what the gross sales of my company were.  She answered, “I have no idea.” 

I asked her, “How many transactions do you think it took to reach our gross sales figure (which you do not know)?”  She said she had no idea.  So, I replied, “Let me tell you.  You are defending six lawsuits brought against a company with nearly two hundred million dollars in sales -- based on approximately ten thousand transactions.”
            I explained to her that even if something went wrong in just one percent of my dealings, I would be sued one hundred times a year.  The truth is that based on ten thousand transactions a year, something went wrong in my dealings less than one tenth of one percent of the time.  I asked her if she still thought I was involved in a great deal of litigation.  She answered “No, not proportional to your dealings.”

            The point of this story is that a non-player might have passed on most of those ten thousand transactions for fear that something could go wrong -- resulting in loss or litigation.  Once again, this is wrongly applying the rational that because life is unfair, somehow the avoidance of living will limit the unfairness, which is perceived as risk.

            But the player would take most of the ten thousand transactions -- knowing that they made business sense.  Because life is fair, some things are bound to go wrong. But a player accepts this not as risk, but as fairness.  In other words, it’s not fair if you win all the time.

            Now we are getting to the crux of the matter.  Someone who is not a player feels any type of loss is unfair.  If it is out of their control or arbitrary in nature -- it is seen as particularly unfair.  The variables common to opportunity and risk, to a person who views the world as unfair, are what define risk to them as having the greatest potential for unfairness.  So once again, avoid the variables, avoid risk, and avoid unfairness.

            To a player, any type of loss that is beyond control is fair.  If you decide one third of your investment portfolio or one million dollars is going to be in the stock market and the market earns you three million dollars your first year, you would probably agree that this is fair.  If in the second year you lost two million in the market, would you say that it is fair or unfair?

            I actually know of someone who complained about the unfairness of this situation.  His million grew to four million in one year and then shrunk back to two million in the second year.  He thought this was unbelievably unfair.  I should have told him, “You’re still ahead a million; you’ve doubled your money in two years.  You’re sick in the head if you think that’s unfair!”

            I learned this lesson myself when I was in my early twenties.  I had earned enough money to buy the Ferrari of my dreams.  I had already bought the popular 308 Quatrovalve, but the Boxer was the car of cars.  When the time came, after much effort, I didn’t just buy the top of the line Boxer – I bought a Konig Boxer.  This was the Boxer of Boxers, so special that there were only four in the entire world.

            Needless to say, I drove this car around town feeling like a king.  When it was parked on the street, crowds literally gathered around it.  I loved this car. So you can imagine my dilemma when six months after I bought it, someone offered me one and a half times what I paid for it.  In real numbers, I paid eighty thousand dollars for the car (that was lot of money in 1985) and I was offered one hundred and twenty thousand dollars for it six months later.

            What did I do?  I sold it of course; it seemed like a good business decision.  What I did not know is that Enzo Ferrari (the creator of Ferraris) had become ill and was near death.  He died thirty days after I sold my prized car -- causing the price of Ferraris to soar.  I was visiting my parents when I came across the ad that offered my former car for sale at a price of three hundred and fifty thousand dollars.

            My father noticed my instant slide into depression and asked, “What’s bothering you?”

            “My car is for sale for $350,000, $230,000 more than I sold it for two months ago,” I explained.

 My father always had such a logical way about him. He said, “Two months ago, you were ecstatic to earn a fifty percent profit on the car.  Don’t worry about what someone else makes.  You will never go broke making a profit.”  I will always remember those words.  “You will never go broke making a profit.”

            I realized that the profit I had made was fair for me.  Maybe the profit the new seller was going to make would be offset by overhead or a loss in the stock market.  Who knew?  It didn’t matter because what was meant to be fair to me was not necessarily meant to be fair to him.  Nobody knows the overall accounting in the grand scheme.  Not for ourselves and not for someone else.

            A player understands that the potential for loss gives value to the potential for gain (Las Vegas was built on this principle).  A player sees risk as a motivational factor to be excellent, thus minimizing risk.  Hear what I’m saying: risk is minimized by being excellent at what you do -- not by not doing.  When a player realizes risk and suffers loss despite excellence it is because life is fair and nobody knows the total accounting.

            By the way, what I mean by total accounting is the distribution of fairness in general.  We always think of being hit by lightning as unfair because, as we have discussed, it seems to be a random and arbitrary act -- but maybe it’s not.  Maybe human beings are walking lightning rods that should be hit by lightning every time it rains.  However, because the world is fair, instead of being electrocuted every time it storms, we dent our cars, lose our socks and catch colds, etc.  We just don’t know.  Maybe the things that seem unfair are really just the fair distribution of what else could have been.

            Before we go any further, let me also correct another misconception.  “No pain, no gain.”  They used to say this to athletes and somehow this terribly wrong concept made its way into modern day, mainstream philosophy.  Let me clear it up for you, pain means stop.  If you are exercising and feel physical pain, then your body is telling you something is wrong. If something is painful mentally, it is your instincts telling you something is wrong.

            The proper saying should be "no exertion, no gain."  You have to try hard to gain.  Why?  Because you have to be excellent at what you pursue. If you are not excellent, you will be prone to risk.  Excellence comes from exertion, not pain.

            So far, so good. You never knew that life was fair, did you? Because life is fair, risk is a tool to motivate us to be excellent.  Excellence comes from hard work that should be enjoyable, not painful.  The concept of no pain no gain should never be understood to mean it is necessary to lose in order to gain.  Finally, it should be understood that limiting risk is done through maximizing opportunity.

            In practical terms, we should begin by using money as an example.  The safest or most conservative investments people tend to think of are bonds or treasury bills.  The most dangerous investment, in their opinion, is probably the motion picture industry.  So let's apply a player’s philosophy to these potential investments.

            If I asked you to put four hundred million dollars into municipal bonds, would you think that was risky?  In 1998, I believe the return on this type of investment was approximately five percent.  This certainly would not be called a losing track record, at least in terms of principle.  In terms of opportunity, it certainly would be called a loss since many other types of investments out performed municipal bonds in 1998.  So this investment -- while not risky to principle -- can be said to be very risky in terms of loss of opportunity.  Remember: for every gain, there is a loss.

            Now, say that I ask you to invest your same four hundred million in the movie business.  Would you think that this was riskier than the bonds?  What if I told you the producer and director was going to be Steven Spielberg and the movie would star Tom Cruise?  The ultra conservative investor might say, “Even Spielberg and Cruise could make a flop.”  So I say, “We'll make the investment ride on five Spielberg films a year for the next five years.”  Let’s look at this investment now.

            Money put into a Spielberg slate of films with top talent would, over the course of twenty-five films, be as low a risk to principle (or less than) as municipal bonds.  In terms of opportunity, the number would show an upside ten times greater than that of the bonds.  So the risk to opportunity ratio is actually a thousand percent less.  So where would I put my money?  On Spielberg, of course.

            If you doubt the player philosophy, don’t.  The actual basis for what I’m telling you is so strong that major insurance companies will actually issue a policy against loss of principle for this type of investment.  Why?  Because the people making the movies are excellent (with an impressive history/track record), thus reducing controlled risk.  The large slate (25 movies) reduces arbitrary risk.  One or two movies may suffer disaster. But the chances of all twenty-five getting hit by lightning are almost impossible.  Once again, more movies reduce the risk not increase it -- as long as the people involved are excellent.  Excellence and maximizing opportunity reduce risk.

            Hopefully you understand risk in terms of business principle by now. What we have not talked about yet is the riskiest business of all, social interactions.  All of the principles are the same. You need to be good at it and you need to do it a lot. But the downside or loss -- as we’ve discussed in regards to certain types of sex -- is loss of ourselves.  With the stakes being so high, I must recommend a few precautions.

            Unlike business, there is very little time to qualify the up and downsides of social interaction. So, keep in mind the following: I stay away from anybody who asks you what you do before they ask you your name.  Always ask others questions about their families.  If they aren’t close, then watch out.  If a person does even one thing that strikes you as cheap, move on.  Do not socialize with people who gossip about others.  Listening to people who speak badly of others is as bad as doing it yourself. These are some of the key warning signs.  If you see them, proceed with extra caution or not at all.

            On the positive side, try to socialize with people who are friendly towards you -- people who ask you your name (especially if they remember it).  Look for people who are close with their families and who don’t speak negatively about others.  Most of all spend your time with generous people who are more interested in giving than taking.  Unlike business, this should not be to make yourself the recipient of their generosity -- but rather to learn from it and have it be a positive influence on you…

            One day I was sitting at The Coffee Bean with some friends I had made there.  When one of them got up to buy a drink, he asked me if I wanted something.  I said, “Yes." But when I tried to reimburse him, he would not take my money.  It's amazing how you can impress someone with generous behavior even if the matter concerns one dollar.  A few weeks later, I had become friendly with someone else that this person had introduced me to.  When I got up one day to get something, I asked him if he wanted anything.  He said, “I’ll take a Danish.”   Had I not been influenced by the act of generosity of the first friend I mentioned, I doubt I would have done this small act of generosity. 

            Who knows where this generous behavior begins? But I’ve noticed that a lot of the people at this particular Coffee Bean ask each other if they want something when they get up.  How many more generous acts were in the chain before me or might come after my link?    Anybody who offers you the opportunity to be a part of this type of chain of events is worth socializing with and knowing.  Why?  Because this type of social behavior or interaction helps make you more of a person, not less.

            So now we have arrived at the truth to social interaction.  Be a giver -- but not to takers.  Give to givers because they will take what you give and pass it on. This gives your giving an exponential impact as it makes its way through the world.  The satisfaction of this never-ending act should be to you as permanent as the act itself.

            Let me tell you one last story along these lines.  Many years ago, I made a great deal of money with a friend of mine.  Our business relationship had its ups and downs, but I made far more money than I lost (certainly a million dollars or more).  One day, I was saddened to find out from my friend that he had been arrested and was facing the serious possibility of going to jail, which he did for a year.

            When he got out, he called me and asked me to join him for breakfast.  He told me over breakfast that jail had been good for him.  He was off drugs and he intended to become a good father to his children.  He also told me of his rekindled relationship with God (he’s Christian).  The one concern he wanted to discuss with me was an outstanding note for fifty thousand dollars.  Jail had left him in financial ruin and he needed to work out a lenient payment plan with me.  

I told him, "The note no longer exists.  Start your life clean and be a good father to your kids. I can do without the money”.  

He shook his head and said, “I can’t do that. Even if it takes ten years, I’ll pay my debt.”

I settled the matter by saying, “I told you there is no note to settle -- but you still have a debt to pay”. 

“What’s my debt if you tear up the note?” 

“Your debt to me is to be successful -- and do the same for someone else.  Is it a deal?”

“Yeah, it is a deal.”

            Being able to tell this story cost me fifty thousand dollars.  That's really a small price to pay for something so priceless.  I saved this chapter for second to last because I hope it will motivate you, once you are properly prepared, to aggressively seek out opportunity.  Opportunities in life -- business or social interaction -- have a cost.  Know the cost and pay it gladly.  Be generous with yourself in this regard and with others who are deserving of your generosity.  Be prepared, believe in yourself, believe in God, and remember that life is fair.

"A Star Is Born"

            When I summarized this book in the beginning, I said that it held strong medicine on the inside.  The world is run by a very small number of players who utilize many of the principles I have shared in Impact.  Many of them give interviews and some even write books.  They often talk about their dealings. But rarely do they give insight into the creation of their deals.  The players club -- whether it is located in Los Angeles, New York, London or any other major arena -- remains a very private club.  This book was written with the hope of increasing membership.

            One of the questions I am asked most often is why I would want to share the understandings or secrets that have given me an advantage in so many dealings.  The answer is found throughout the chapters of this book repeatedly.  The ability to play must encompass the ability to create.  If one is a creator, there are two choices for the future.  Protect what you have created from competition or give it over to the marketplace and create something new.

            By writing this book for your consideration, I have had to spend a great deal of time thinking about what I know and have learned.  This very thought process and period of reflection, I am sure, has taught me more than I have taught to you.  I hope sincerely that you -- the readers of this book -- will become fierce competitors in the marketplace of life.  I hope you embrace competition and choose to create on your own.  I have selfishly chosen to try to create competition to make myself better. So if you think you're ready to play, listen closely to the following:

            Being a player means having the ability to make things happen for yourself and others.  A player can create him or herself because a player is a creator.  The better the player, the fewer the inconsistencies and the greater the ability to impact others.  With this profile in mind, let me share with you an example of a game being played at its best.

            My last venture in the clothing business was an upscale yet moderately priced women’s line.  In terms of product, the venture had great merit. I had designed a great line and many fashion experts agreed.  In business terms, the venture was on shaky ground. I simply did not have the capital to launch this line.  The decision I made was a horrible business decision -- but it shows the pure power of being a player.

            First, let me explain the regretful business decision.  Businesses fail for three main reasons: lack of capital, poor human resources, or starting from a bad idea.  Any one of these three problems can kill. I was faced with two of the three.  I lacked capital and the sales staff -- but the idea was strong.

            So, the first good business practice I violated was that I went into a business with two almost insurmountable disadvantages.  Normally in business dealings, you want every possible advantage.  I decided to go forward with none.  Even worse than starting at a disadvantage was my decision to rob "Peter" to capitalize and fund "Paul".  To develop and launch the line, I diverted revenue from a reasonably successful start-up retail division.

            I knew that there was a high likelihood of failure. Yet, I put a promising division at risk in an attempt to pull off a launch.  So to disadvantage and fiscal irresponsibility we can add lack of focus.

            What was I thinking?  Why did I proceed down this path of almost certain disaster?  I believed in the clothing line and I believed in my power as a player.  I’m warning you now -- never override good business practice because you have the ability to play.  Being a player should enhance good business practice, not take its place.  I can tell you first hand this is the single greatest danger to a player.  In the case of the clothing line and the retail division, I was seduced by my own abilities into creating a challenge that involved over-riding the very business principles I tell others not to violate.

            With full knowledge that I would be violating rules of business that were as definitive as gravity, I still set my plan in motion.  As mentioned, I developed a great product but lacked the resources to bring it to market.  I decided the circumstances called for the most risky of marketing concepts -- creating demand through brand recognition prior to supplying the market.

            In layman’s terms, this means massive advertising prior to marketing.  If the ad campaign is successful and the public wants the product, buyers will seek out the product rather than the producers of the product seeking out the buyers.  The entire success of this concept usually hinges on the success of the ad campaign's ability to create demand.

            With all of this is mind, I created an ad campaign.  The campaign’s look was regarded as highly as the line -- but it suffered from the same lack of capital.  So with no advertising dollars in hand, I was faced with the tremendously difficult decision to green light the campaign or not.  The downside was three to five million dollars; the upside was easily four to five hundred million.  With great concern, I gave the green light and my assistant began to arrange meetings with magazines. 

            The ads ran and they were well received.  The public wanted my line. But despite demand, I could not convince any major distributor to carry it.  In one case, the chairman of the board of Limited actually arranged a meeting between his new president of product development and myself.

            During a two-hour meeting that included a private fashion show at their corporate office in New York, I both demonstrated and explained the merits of the line. I explained that the line would place the company in the market as a fashion leader.  Fashion editors at the largest magazines including Cosmo not only agreed but they were willing to give the deal press. I elaborated -- explaining that our clothes were much higher quality than what they currently sold yet cost roughly fifty percent less across the board than they were paying.  Finally, I explained the value of my strict made in the USA policy.

            So with better quality, half the cost, made in the USA, and good press it didn’t seem that I could lose.  But still, all of this went with insufficient resources.  I had played all the way to the top of Limited.  One final yes and it would have been hundreds of millions of dollars and business history.  My potentially historic meeting ended on a positive note.  The president of product development for all twelve divisions of Limited assured me she would call me back as soon as she returned from a brief vacation -- to inform me of my next step.

            Unfortunately, her call never came.  Instead, she put the deal in the hands of the president of human resources.  He admitted to me that he knew nothing about the deal. Still, he was polite enough to listen to me rage for nearly an hour.  I made it clear that not only did I deserve better treatment than I was getting, I deserved the deal I had asked for.  He did not disagree and suggested that I take my case back to the chairman of the board.  This would then empower him to act.

            I hung up the phone knowing that it was all over.  Had the business circumstances been different, this appeal and ongoing marketing effort probably would have worked. But there were simply no resources to continue.  Remember, a player must be consistent -- especially on this level.  The entire business was based on the confidence of quick and decisive success.  Not making a deal that made so much sense created a doubt that I would succeed in this venture.  Doubt, in this case, equaled death.

            The subsequent embarrassment was unbelievable but completely expected.  One magazine actually wrote an entire article that described in very negative terms my risky business decision.  They made it clear that they felt they, among others, had been played.

            The clothing industry buzzed at the magazine’s assertion that I had manipulated creditors into giving the company credit, which in most cases was for staggering amounts.  What scared people the most was what the magazine didn't say.  There was no assertion of fraud or misconduct.  Credit was simply extended to the company against the credit policies of our creditors based on my request.

            Once again, I have chosen to use a negative example in an attempt to right a wrong.  I’m hoping you will not only see the power of being a player but the destructive capacity of the abuse of this power.  So, the question you should be asking -- and the question I am now paid to answer – is “How did you do it?”  Why did vendors extend hundreds of thousands of dollars to a company that they had never heard of?   A company that gave them a financial statement that clearly showed no ability to pay for ten thousand dollars worth of advertisements let alone a million.  Why did they do this?

            The reason is simple -- people like to play with players.  Remember what I said early on: you must attract people to you.  In the case of the clothing line, I knew that business principles would work against me.  For any chance of success, almost every player principle that I knew would have to be utilized.  So I built the business from the ground up with these principles in mind.  Ultimately, success or failure would hinge on out-playing or defying traditional business practice.  Like a snake and a mongoose, this is a battle to the death.  One big contract or sale and you win.  With one doubt or failure in the market place you lose.

            As you already know, I lost this specific fight. Still, it was a great fight that came within one yes of a huge win.  What I want you to learn from this is the process -- not the inception or the conclusion.  The following is how I did it -- how I created an opportunity to potentially become a billionaire with almost no money and some borrowed assets.

            For starters, I got myself into very good physical shape.  I looked fit.  I had my hair and nails done, my clothes pressed, and my shoes shined.  I kept myself looking good, like someone you would want to know.

            Next, I made sure the accessories were in order.  Armani suit, crocodile shoes, Mont Blanc pen, Dupont lighter, Halliburton brief case, Piaget watch, and -- of course -- a large dark, blue, four door Mercedes.

            With the right look in order, I proceeded to acquire the right place.  If you’re in the fashion business in LA, the right place means the California Mart.  Since there were basically no financial resources available or a line to show, I opted to take office showroom space on what was basically an empty floor.  The space, however, had been built beautifully by the former tenant and had the view of the garment district I insisted on.

            The office, while beautifully built, still needed furniture.  This is what I referred to as the asset that was leant.  I personally owned some fantastic Pace Collection furniture that was just right for the office.  This particular furniture worked well for my purposes because it was both contemporary and solid.  Large black leather and glass executive desks, my personal desk made out of stainless steel and marble, and the granite top bar all represented style, success, and permanence.  It’s hard to imagine moving any of it.  A company with this type of furniture does not look like it is going anywhere.

            I had a large sign of the line’s name made and attached to the wall behind the receptionist.  I made sure that each letter was attached to the wall separately so there was no doubt that the only way to remove that sign was by ripping out the wall.  The first impression when you walked in was of our name. It was anchored solidly to the building that represents the highest levels of the clothing business in LA.

            My receptionist/assistant designer was a graduate of FIDM (The Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising).  Born in Sri Lanka, he was exotic, well mannered, and sophisticated.  He was also very gay.  Women were often jealous of his exceptionally attractive feminine looks.  If I were casting the part of an assistant designer for a movie, I could not of dreamed up a better character.

            In addition to my assistant designer, I hired an administrative assistant who could have doubled for a librarian.  She was the picture of responsibility.  Nobody could imagine for a minute her losing an invoice.

            With the help of my small staff, I put together (as I mentioned earlier) a line that had plenty of merit.  The line hung on display walls for all to see.  Any wall that did not display clothing was decorated with truly exquisite and expensive artwork.

            So when I invited vendors to do business with us -- and asked for unlimited credit terms -- they saw the following: a great product that was being brought to market by a company that left no doubt that it would succeed.  Its offices were in the right building and furnished in perfect taste.  From the sign to the white leather couches and stainless steel and marble desks, the furnishings said solid and permanent.

            The staff was right out of Central Casting.  Not only did they look like stereotypes, they also had the credentials and talent to back up their appearances/images.  The head designer and CEO (me) looked like he was at the top of his game.  With a great new product and a long track record of success, he also had plenty to back up his image.

            If I may step back into the first person, let me also say that I treated all of my new potential business associates well.  I genuinely liked them and wanted to succeed badly -- for their sake as well as my own.  When they saw me behind my desk, overlooking the garment industry in a carefully crafted environment, they also saw sincerity and enthusiasm.

            When credit managers came to check me out in person, they often threw the company's financial statements down on my desk and asked, “What am I supposed to do, based on this?”

I replied, “Nothing, its just a piece of paper.  Look at my product and ask your fashion editors what they think of it.  Look at my staff, look at me, look at my company -- forget about the piece of paper.  It means nothing.”

            My response usually brought the following reply: “Everybody agrees that you’re talented and the line is great.  Hell, your ad campaign is as nice as we’ve ever seen. But you want us to take the risk of financing your company and we're not in the finance business.  We don’t give Calvin Klein or Polo the type of credit you need.  The deal just doesn’t make sense!”

            Once I knew that they had embraced my product and image, closing was easy.  The doubt was not on my side of the deal.  I had successfully shifted that back to my potential creditors.  To close the deal, I needed only to keep them from doubting themselves.  I only had to remind them that they wanted to play and/or create a doubt that not doing business with me was a greater risk then doing business with me. 

            They wanted to be convinced because they stood to make a lot of money if things worked out.  So I convinced them.  My response usually sounded like this.  “You’re not financing me.  Take a look around. All this happened before you came and will keep going on after you leave.  As far as risk goes, what’s it really cost you out of pocket to run an ad?  Practically nothing compared to the amount you're billing me.  The only risk you really have is that your competitors will make the deal you're jerking around with and be armed against you in the long term with my advertising dollars.  By the way, I’m loyal in these matters. So whoever works with me now is whom I plan on working with for the next twenty years.  Anyway, your magazine is looking stale; my campaign will liven things up.  Lets face it; your readers look at advertising more than they read content.  All this aside, I like you guys and I want to work with you.”

            At this point they usually stood up and said, “Maybe we should pay you to advertise since your ads look so good in our magazine.” 

My response was, “Not a bad idea!”  No magazine ever agreed to pay me -- but most gave me credit.

            I hope that this story gives you an insight into the practical application of the many principles we have discussed.  The fact that the result of the endeavor was ultimately a failure does not negate the success of our player principles. If anything, it demonstrates how powerful they are.  The impact that was made by product, employees, the office, and ultimately myself was strong enough to cause some of the largest companies in the world to depart from their normal business practices.  In the end, I just wish things had worked out with Limited.  Who knows, maybe one day they will change their minds?

            It’s time to sum up and put it all into perspective.  A player is someone who makes things happen for themselves or for others.  A continuous drive to create and complete -- while striving for excellence in both -- causes an enormous impact on the world around a player.

            A player’s application of certain principles is greatly enhanced if there is a deep-rooted understanding.  The purpose of this book is not only to identify some of these principles -- but also to give you an insight into their origins and applications.  The hope being that your greater understanding will help you make yourself into who you want to be.

            Let’s take a final look at some of the principles we have discussed and their deeper meanings:

            It's Better To Be Lucky Than Good means there is no such thing as luck since luck is a formula called opportunity plus preparation.  Because circumstance is a component of opportunity and ability is a component of preparation – and they both are influenced by your actions – it is safe to say you can change your luck.

            Right Place, Right Time.  If you are prepared for opportunity, you need to put yourself into favorable circumstances. You must find the right time and the right place to increase your chances of accessing opportunity.

            It Is Better To Look Good Than To Be Good Looking because looking good shows you have the ability to create who you are.

            Clothes Make You The Man because they offer a connection between man and his surrounding world.  The better and more appropriate the clothes the better and more appropriate the connection to the world.

            Watch Out For Watches because they express man’s relationship to time.  Time is an imposed force on the world. Man’s blend of linear and relational relationship to time often determines whether he is a player or not.  A player must be able to conceive inception and conclusion – and everything possible in between.

            Bad Shoes You Lose – because they express your ability to dominate the physical world.  Man has this ability except in the absolute presence of God.  That’s why Moses had to remove his shoes.  I recommend wearing crocodile shoes because it means more to dominate or master a croc than a cow.

            Pen or Penniless.  Thought is a three-stage process.  It begins with an idea (of an unknown origin), which is then organized and ultimately expressed.  The pen is one of the most powerful means of introducing or expressing thought into the world.  The pen’s straight and direct nature is synonymous with the highest expression or description of this aspect of thought.

            On The Lighter Side.  Light is knowledge; light is power. Showing mastery of this principle is almost as good as being able to say "let there be light."

            Without A Car You Won’t Go Far because a car is an expression of your free will.  Life is a journey whose beginning and end are certain. But how you get to where you are going is up to you.  A car tells the world about your journey and it will help others decide if they want to travel along with you.

            Smoking Are You Joking?  Vice is no joke – it is idolatry.  Do not give importance or invest in things that are not deserving of you and your time.

            Do Lunch because you get more by giving than taking.  Food is a commodity that is essential to life. Being perceived as someone who feeds equates to being seen as a life source.  People are often willing to invest substantially in such an important and rare commodity.

            Credit Or Forget It.  I said forget it if you can. But if you need to use credit, make sure it's business and not personal.

            Home Sweet Home And A Condo In The Desert.  If your body is a temple and your home is a castle – and we are all built in the image of God – you can bet all three have the same set of blueprints.  Creating a home that is true to who you are is an opportunity to re-create yourself.  A condo in the desert says you can re-create yourself at will when and wherever necessary.

            It’s Not Who You Know, It's How Far You Go discussed the three levels of sex.  Anything below mid level sex is an investment in nothing.  If you give you should get.

            If There Is A Doubt There Is No Doubt.  Trust your instincts. Remember what’s potentially about to happen has already happened.  We often sense this.  Remember to be very wary of inconsistency in others.   Where there is smoke, there is usually fire.  If someone has four legs, a long tale, fur, and only eats cheese, you’re dealing with a rat.

            Risky Business Is The Business of Life.  Don’t be afraid of life.  You can minimize risk in two ways.  Be excellent at what you do and maximize opportunity at every chance.

            A Star Is Born -- when you apply player principles not instead of good business practice or common decency but in conjunction with them.  Don’t use your skills and understanding to be a player who tries to beat the odds.  Rather, use them to increase odds – which are already in your favor.

…

Chapter 18

Eight Years Later

            When I first wrote “Impact” eight years ago, it was titled “LA Player” and was one of the first books ever to be released as an e-book (a book only available digitally via the Internet).  It was well received but in retrospect, perhaps titled poorly.  When I was growing up, a player was someone who was in the game and made things happen.  It was a term of respect.  The world, however, was changing very rapidly at the time the book was being written.  A new generation was maturing that really only perceived the trappings of players -- not their underlying qualities. This shallow view of the world eventually led to a player only being seen as a man who sleeps with a substantial number of women.  So, after a five-year absence from the Internet, I decided to give “LA Player” a new name, update it and make it available again to readers.

            Why did I take “LA Player”, now known as “Impact”, off of the Internet in the first place?  I was afraid that the information was becoming dated.  I wanted a chance to read the book and make changes.  Why did this take so long?  Life got in the way; I was busy.  What I had hoped would be a matter of months became a matter of years.  So, after all this time, what did I wind up changing?  Almost nothing.  As I read “Impact”, I could not help but feel satisfied that the book was as relevant today as the day it was written.

In the eight years that have passed since the first version, I have witnessed our society continue to become more consumption obsessed than ever (A friend of mine had a sixteen-year-old son who overdosed on heroin recently.  I know from a conversation that I had with the boy prior to his death that his father’s not providing him with a cell phone was the source of much of the mental aguish that drove him to drugs.), grow further in debt (even our government is nine trillion dollars in debt now), and become sexually misguided to the point where the majority of fourteen year old girls engage in oral sex as casually as I drink my coffee in the morning.  I concluded that “Impact” perhaps contains thoughts and information that are needed now more than ever.

            As I read through the pages of “Impact”, I found myself reminded of stories and Biblical or spiritual principles that I had not thought about in a long time.  I couldn’t help but think that the book and its principles presented a unique opportunity for me as a writer.  It’s not hard to update a book in this, the digital age.  Our society’s values have drifted steadily away from what I presented as a way of personal conduct eight years ago.  However, I am proud to say that I did not drift.  I have practiced what I preached, making me -- in a sense -- a test case of the practical applications of this book.  So, how has it all been working out?

            Well, I would be remiss to not mention that I am writing these words at this very moment at my table at the Four Seasons Hotel.  I am writing them on a Mac seventeen-inch Power Book G4 laptop.  My gold Montblanc is tucked away in the jacket pocket of my Canali suit (I still wear plenty of Armani and several brands that are of the completely handmade variety).  My trusty Piaget is still keeping time and my Gucci shoes and belt are purposely understated.  When I’m done at the Four Seasons, I will drive in my brand new Mercedes SL 500 convertible (I no longer need to look conservative) to a surprise birthday party in Hollywood that a rock star friend of mine is throwing for his wife -- and then home to my incredible condo in Downtown that is now worth more than a million dollars.  I haven’t talked to the guy who told me it wasn’t cool to move to Downtown but I’m guessing he’s changed his mind.

            In short, the wonderful life of Stan Lerner has only gotten better.  I have seen an almost countless number of players and spectators come and go but I am still here.  I have continued to have my share of challenges and disappointments. But, as the book says, this is part of the overall equation.  So why am I still here and playing while so many others have come and gone? Because of the practices and principles contained in this book.  I am living proof that they work.  And you can bet I’m going to tell you a few stories to make my point.

            Remember the story about the gentleman from New York that I met through the producer camped out on the Warner Brothers lot?  Initially the relationship was the catalyst for my writing my first script for a movie.  After I had completed writing this book, the same gentleman also introduced me to a marketing guru in Jenkinstown, Pennsylvania.  This incredibly interesting man, Beryl Wolk was his name, told me that he thought this book on a one to ten scale, ten being best, was a twelve.  He also went on to say that I should take some time off from writing to put together an Internet entertainment company, which I did.

            In the course of putting this company together, a sharp young producer introduced me to Rowland Perkins -- the legendary founder of Creative Artists Agency, better known as CAA, arguably the world’s most powerful talent agency.  Rowland became the Chairman of my new company and I served as his Vice Chairman and CEO.  Needless to say, there were no doors not open to me during this period.  I learned the entertainment business not only at the highest level -- but also from one of the nicest men ever to walk the face of the Earth.

            However, I will not conclude with a story about Rowland or any of the other Hollywood super powers that I met through him.  It is enough to say that the principles that I’ve set forth for you in this book led to such a relationship.  The story I wish to conclude with is far more powerful…because it is the success that comes from not dealing with the few rich and powerful men that I have had the pleasure of meeting and doing business with.  Rather, it is the greater success that comes from simply being excellent and bringing excellence to everyday people.

            With Rowland serving as the Chairman of IEP, it was easy to attract just about anybody that I thought would be useful to the company.  Most were Hollywood heavyweights -- but one was not.  This particular person was the owner of a second rate talent agency for more than twenty years.  His agency struggled along but did not succeed because the person that I’m talking about is simply not a class act.  He was at best a Hollywood hustler always looking to get laid and make a quick buck.  His reputation in the business reflected this.  He was, however, incredibly useful to my company because there was nothing he wouldn’t do if he thought there were some type of financial benefit in it for him.  I should also mention that although he was a manipulative user of the worst kind, he was always charming and fun to be with.

            In 2002, I produced the now well-known DVD Mike Fenton’s Actors Workshop (Mike Fenton, for those of you who might not know, is the preeminent casting director of all time).  I of course met Mike through Rowland. And again, you really couldn’t find a better guy to work with. Upon completing the DVD, a few things happened in rapid succession.  The stock market bubble burst caught up with the company I had been busy trying to merge IEP with.  Their stock plunged (on paper my stock was at one time worth more than sixty million dollars) and the merger was off.  IEP’s technology partners wanted out.  They were of the let’s get rich fast generation and did not have the patience to stay the course…as I urged them to do.  Finally, I decided I really wanted to get back to writing. 

            IEP was a visionary company that, like my deal with The Limited, had come very close to being extremely successful. But in the end, the company quietly closed.  I felt like I had let people down, especially Rowland and Mike. But unlike the deal with The Limited, I foresaw a very different ending.  I’m sure you’ve heard the expression “The opera’s not over until the fat lady sings”.  At this point of the story, it was just intermission time.  The final act was yet to come and ultimately it would bring down the house.

            So, let’s get back to the not successful agency owner.  While I was busy producing Mike Fenton’s Actors Workshop, he teamed up with an even less successful manager to acquire the rights to a play that had never been able to make it to Broadway.  They took this play/dinner show to Las Vegas and after being turned down by just about every hotel casino in the city, they finally found one that would give them a venue.  The agency owner was so broke at the time that a neighbor of his had to lend him ten thousand dollars just for him to be able to give this a try.  You guessed it. With the help of a sweetheart deal at the hotel, their show was a hit.  Was I jealous?  No!  Did I start writing an interactive dinner show?  Yes!  And so the dinner show and then movie “Meet the Family” was born.  But there’s much more...

            Having written the first draft of the dinner show “Meet the Family”, I secured a great venue in Beverly Hills for the production, RJ’s restaurant.  There was one problem.  I had never been to an interactive dinner show.  So, I called my former associate, who was now residing in Las Vegas, and asked if I could come take a look at how he was staging his production.  He was gracious enough to say yes.  I had been in his office less than an hour when he asked me if I would consider delaying the production of my own show and instead help him with the marketing of his.  Business was good but there was room for improvement.  He assured me that if I helped him with his show, he would in turn help me with mine when the time was right. I had my doubts. But learning the business on his dime didn’t sound so bad, so I said yes.

            Although it was just a job, and my employer’s business practices were highly suspect, I brought my A game to their show.  The results were dramatic and I was quickly noticed by the powers that be at the hotel.  The director of entertainment of this hotel was not only under my associate the failed agency owner’s charm; she was also involved in several outside joint business ventures with him.  No, these were not appropriate and the shareholders of the company should be up in arms.  She could see that I was highly competent and was, consequently, very wary of me.  Mediocre people don’t like people that make them look bad. 

            The director of food and beverages, on the other hand, was himself highly competent and did not really care for my associate -- the failed agency owner -- or the ridiculous deal he had made with the hotel.  One day, he took me aside and asked me if I would like to do my own show in the hotel’s premier venue, which was under his department’s control from 11:30 PM until 8:00 AM in the morning.  I did not hesitate to say yes.

            In the following month, I continued to be the perfect employee and, on my own time, I developed a revolutionary show called “Night Tribe”.  “Night Tribe”, for lack of a better term, could only be described as an event spectacle.  Sixty thundering drums, the world’s largest sound system and laser show, with forty of the world’s best dancers and acrobats, all performing around and above the audience at all times -- carefully synchronized to the video imagery that appeared on the twelve surrounding video walls.  The audience could sit at tables or VIP booths or get up and dance in the middle of the show.  The experience was designed to transport the audience into a euphoric and disorienting reality for up to five hours if they wished to stay for the entire length of the show.

            By its forth week, “Night Tribe” was an unprecedented hit by all standards.  The lines to get into the show were literally a security concern because they often extended from the showroom through the casino all the way to the front entrance of the hotel.  Everybody was talking about the show and the fact that it had completely revived this hotel’s reputation as the   place to be. 

            As the show went on, my relationship with the hotel became stormy.  My former associate (the failed agency owner) and the executives loyal to him did everything they could to hurt the success of “Night Tribe” and ultimately the people who asked me to do the show seemed to be swayed.  They also seemed less than thrilled that all of the shows’ advertising prominently carried my name (I did this to make sure there was no mistake in the public’s mind as to who owned the “Night Tribe” brand).  Eventually, I caught the hotel defrauding me out of money that was owed to me under the terms of my contract.  It was a classic case of a star shining way too bright in the midst of very flawed egos.

            If you sleep with dogs you get flees.  I ended my deal with the hotel and came back to Los Angeles.  Not defeated but confident; “Night Tribe” had been a huge success and I was at the top of my game.  A few months later, I made a deal to open “Meet the Family” -- not at RJ’s but at its own dedicated venue at the Hyatt Hotel in Downtown Los Angeles.  They had heard about the extraordinary success of “Night Tribe” in Vegas and were anxious to have a Stan Lerner production in their hotel.

            “Meet the Family” delivered.  The critics and fans loved it and with literally no advertising, the show began to sellout every night.  Allowing some of the members of the audience to sit at the same table as the cast as they ate dinner and seamlessly performed their lines took interactive dinner theatre to a new level. Audience members often laughed until they cried and gasped for air.  Because the rest of the audience sat on risers around the main table, I coined a new phrase to describe the experience -- “dinner theatre in the round” -- and it stuck.  Do you see that the fifty people a night that were coming to see “Meet the Family” were every bit as substantial as the twenty-two hundred people a night that were coming to see “Night Tribe” just a year earlier?  Both shows, while completely different, were equally excellent.  The energy potential of excellence is unlimited.

            When a young aspiring director asked me if he could attend a rehearsal to see how I do what it is that I do, I said yes.  This, by the way, is almost never done because most people are afraid to help others that might be their competition one day.  But a real player, as we have discussed, is never afraid to help someone else because a real player is getting better everyday. My great idea today by tomorrow is yesterday’s news…to me.  Like many audience members, the young aspiring director was moved to hilarity -- tears and gasping for air ensued.  At the end of the rehearsal, he suggested I talk to a friend of his that would gladly invest in turning “Meet the Family” into a movie.  Two months later, I was the writer, director, and producer of the motion picture “Meet the Family”... 

            At the red carpet, star-studded Los Angeles premiere of the movie, I sat in the dark theatre and smiled as hundreds of people laughed so often that it was actually difficult to hear much of the movie over their roars.  I couldn’t help but think for a moment that the hotel where I had been producing “Night Tribe” had actually done me a huge favor.  While they hadn’t come close to replacing “Night Tribe”, consequently losing millions of dollars of revenue, I had been forced to move on to something much bigger and better. Soon, the DVD of “Meet the Family” will come out and the Hollywood Reporter has already predicted that it will be, and I quote, “a DVD classic that will play at house parties for years to come.”

            Because any single opportunity can be viewed as a ball that bounces endlessly forward, it can also be retroactively traced to several of its sources. “Meet the Family” led to “Night Tribe” which in turn led back to both “Meet the Family” the dinner show and the movie.  Shortly after “Night Tribe” had recognized hit status, I asked the director of food and beverages why he had pulled me aside and offered me my own show.  Granted, I had been doing a good job for the production I was working for -- but that hardly required giving someone their own show in the hotel’s premier venue.

            His answer was not surprising to anyone who has read this book.  He told me that the suits I was wearing to work had caught his eye.  He was also particularly intrigued that I didn’t wear a tie all of the time.  He told me that he asked himself, “Who is this guy?”  He knew just by looking at me that I wasn’t just some employee.  In fact, I looked much more like the boss than my employer did.  I was given the opportunity to produce what is now thought of as one of the greatest shows to ever play Las Vegas because a decision maker liked my suit.

            Today, as I sit here and conclude this -- the eighteenth chapter of “Impact”-- I am waiting to hear back from an agent friend of mine who is looking to make a deal for my first novel, titled Stan Lerner’s “Criminal”.  He has told me that it is the most intense book he has ever read in his life.  I am particularly proud of “Criminal”.  I think it is the first novel to really delve into the deep essence of human existence in more than a generation.  Later today, I will continue a discussion with the representative of two companies which are both good potential strategic partners for GrooveTickets -- the fifth largest online ticketing company in the world (Not all of my Internet deals went badly).  And although it is not on my agenda to deal with today, I am the managing partner of a venture that will be building a development in downtown Los Angeles that will feature a forty-story condominium high rise that I am confident will find its place as one of the great residential buildings of the world.

            The number eighteen in its Hebraic letterform translates to the word life.  Just so you know, I had never planned for this to be an eighteen-chapter book; it just worked out that way.  I also would never want this chapter to be misconstrued as the chapter where I boast about being successful, because I don’t consider myself to be so.  This chapter is simply about life and the things that can happen if you seek deeper understanding and adhere to certain principles of conduct.  If my life can be any kind of example, I consider myself blessed.

            Finally, if you are wondering why “Impact” was offered to you for free -- it’s not. Players pay for value.  If “Impact” taught you anything or entertained you at all, please show your support for this work so that others may follow.  If I did not deliver some new ideas, new information, new insights, or entertainment value, then certainly no support is necessary.  And I apologize for wasting your time.  Yes, you’re right. I do not need you’re money.  The support you show for “Impact” is not for me.  It’s for you.   Knowledge that is not attached to value and action will do you no good.  To make what you have just learned work for you, you must put a value on it and take action.  This is not my rule -- it is simply the way of the world; it is the first step into the circle of success.  So, do the right thing and take that step.  I look forward to your success! 

If you wish to donate money to show your support for “Impact”, please make your check or money order payable to its author, Stan Lerner.

Please send all donations to:

Stan Lerner

 P.O. Box 811402

Los Angeles, California 90081

            It is my sincere and humble wish that this book is helpful in some way to all of you who have read it.  I have tried to share with you some original thoughts while, at the same time, using historical, theological, and scientific facts to support them.

            I am eternally grateful for the opportunity to share some of my thoughts with you.  I hope some or all of what you have learned from Impact helps you to achieve all of what’s in your heart and soul -- which is good for you and the world.  Thank you and God bless.

Acknowledgments

            I must first acknowledge all of my great teachers.  Their dedication to teaching students like myself is what keeps the great wheel of knowledge rolling forward.  In particular, I would like to mention the following teachers whose thoughts and teachings are so intertwined with my own it would be impossible to give them the appropriate footnote credits.

            Dr. Sabean, Jeff Cole, David Shapiro, Shimon Green, Daniel Lapen, and David Lapen.

            David Lapen in particular has had an enormous effect on my thought process during the writing of this book.  I attended his lectures weekly and can only say that his clarity of thought often is beyond description.  The challenge of following his thought process has been the equivalent to finding water in the desert.  In a world that has become darkened by a blanket of information and too little thought, he is a great source of light.

            I must also thank and acknowledge Virginia Lean.  It was at her suggestion that I wrote this book.