Impact, the book, is pure dynamite -- a must read for anybody who dreams of doing more with his or her life.

            Impact is structured to give the reader the tools to develop an individual philosophy of success.  Then, like a knockout punch, it delivers the practical applications. Impact combines the author’s insight into the historical and Biblical origins of materialism and numerous personal stories to achieve these goals. 

            This is not a biography or just a motivational book.  It is truly a textbook written by a master player.  It is a no holds barred discussion that ranges from how to navigate involvement in charities to your benefit to how to sleep your way to the top.

            Many players have written books about their deals -- but few have ever truly written about how they make their deals.  Impact shines a light on the secret formulas behind success.  These are the formulas usually guarded by members of a very small club.  Impact makes membership to this club wide open.  The club is about to change forever.

 Impact

1.     IT’S BETTER TO BE LUCKY THAN GOOD

2.     RIGHT PLACE, RIGHT TIME

3.     IT’S BETTER TO LOOK GOOD THAN BE GOOD-LOOKING 

4.     CLOTHES MAKE YOU THE MAN 

5.     WATCH OUT FOR WATCHES

Chapter five is a discussion of time and the importance of timepieces.  A player must understand the creation of time as well as time in the context of relativity.  Understanding these aspects of time gives a player the ability to choose the timepiece that impacts his environment with the maximum desired results.

6.     BAD SHOES, YOU LOSE

We grow up hearing about big shoes to fill and following in someone’s footsteps.  It’s no wonder people look at our shoes.  If you’re a player, you must have your feet planted firmly on the ground -- and they better be in the right pair of shoes.

7.     PEN OR PENNILESS

It’s the small things that make a difference.  Attention to detail separates a businessman from a player.  They say the pen is mightier than the sword.  After reading Chapter 7, the reader will know if this is true or not.

 8.     ON THE LIGHTER SIDE

Another one of those crucial details: why God was the first one to say “Let there be light.”  Chapter 8 will explain what light, your lighter, and money all have in common.

9.     WITHOUT A CAR, YOU WON’T GO FAR

The road to success is as important as success itself.  For this road, you need the right car.

10.  SMOKING -- ARE YOU JOKING?

No, I’m not.  Knowing when and where to smoke can be great for business.

11.  DO LUNCH

People may make fun of this tradition. But Chapter 11 will explain why it’s still one of the best tools in business.

12.  CREDIT OR FORGET IT.

What type of credit do you want, what type of credit do you need, and how to get it.  Chapter 12 will also explain why credit is bad and at the same time a necessity.

13.  HOME SWEET HOME AND A CONDO IN THE DESERT

Every king needs a castle -- but a player needs two.

14.  IT’S NOT WHO YOU KNOW, IT’S HOW FAR YOU GO

How to sleep your way to the top is what they used to call it.  Chapter 14 will not only look at the morality of using sex to get what you want, it will tell you how and with whom.  Most important though, this discussion will take an honest look at strategic alliances and planning.

15.  IF THERE IS A DOUBT, THERE IS NO DOUBT

We’ll tell the reader how to develop and trust their instincts.

16.  RISKY BUSINESS

When and how to take risks. “No risk, no reward.”  After reading Chapter 16, the reader will clearly understand the art of taking risks so that the potential for success outweighs the potential for failure.

17.  A STAR IS BORN

A working model for the reader to follow -- and a guide to handling success.

"Getting To The Next Level"

            Recently, a not too well known public company asked me to critique an investors' relations meeting (a meeting designed to get stock brokers to push the stock of a public company) to be held at the Peninsula Hotel in Beverly Hills.  I agreed to do so for the price of a Diet Coke (no joke). 

            “Mike, I have to preface this meeting by saying I have a lot of respect for you and Glen (his right hand man). So don’t take what I say personally,” I offered.

            “I’m a big boy, Stan. I don’t need you to preface what you say. Just say it.”

            ***NOTE*** Always preface what you say; there is no such thing as a big boy.

            Then, I continued, “I thought your meeting sucked to the point of embarrassment.  It was probably counter productive to boosting the price of your stock.”

            Mike nodded his head. He appeared to be slightly stunned by the news. “Just give me the specifics.”

            I obliged. “The person at your registration desk reminded me of a used car salesman.  He grilled me. Then, he asked me to sign in on a yellow legal pad with a cheap plastic pen.”

            “He wasn’t our guy.  He works for the P.R. firm that invited the brokers.”

            “Mike, the guy should be working at Kmart.  It doesn’t matter whom he works for, just make sure he’s not at your registration table.  The two most important impressions are the first and the last.  My first impression was bad.  The guy at the desk with a notepad instead of a registration book screamed out to me that your company has no class.  Having no class is bad. But having no class at The Peninsula is really bad.”

            “Glen, what the hell happened to our registration book?” Mike asked.

            “I don’t know,” Glen answered, sounding like he sincerely didn’t know.

            “What did you think of lunch?” Mike asked -- hoping I would find something nice to say.

            “Everyone seemed to like the food. But why would you serve it during your presentation?  People were too busy eating to listen.  Always, serve food before the presentation or after, never during.”

            “There were time constraints.  These guys were on a tight schedule.”

            “Then you should have definitely served the food after the presentation.”

            “What else?” Mike grumbled.

            “Your company’s first major revenue source is supposed to be from revolutionary speaker technology. Over and over, you referred to your award winning home theatre system, right?”

            “Yes.”

            “How many speakers does the system utilize?”

            “Five,” Mike answered -- seeming to sense where I was going with this.

            “For the presentation, you had two.”

            “It sounds good with two.”

            “How does it sound with five?”

            “Better.”

            “Always put your best foot forward.  Good keeps a stock from losing money.  Great makes it go up. Blow them away -- get them psyched.  You know what I mean.”

            “What else?” I was sensing both resignation and interest in his voice by now.

            “You’re a high tech company right?  One hundred million in technology acquisitions but you use a slide projector for your presentation and a hard-wired microphone. You’ve got to be kidding!  I want DVD or friggin’ DLP walls.  I want inter-active touch screens and a cordless microphone embedded in your lapel pin…now that’s a presentation.”

            Glen, now looking very uncomfortable, said,  “Go easy.  I still want to have a job after this meeting.”

            “Glen, I love you. But why were you standing at the side of the room, reminding Mike to bring up points that he might have forgotten to cover?  Why don’t you just get the grouchy old men from "The Muppet Show" to heckle him?”

            “He’s right, Glen.  You shouldn’t do that anymore.”

            “You had enough?” I asked.

            “I can take it.”

            “It’s going to cost you another Diet Coke.”

            “Don’t worry about it.”

            “If you want to get to the next level, you both need handlers. You’re the Chairman of the Board, a technology genius.  You should be properly introduced before you speak. Your schedule should be kept by a pro. Hell, I can’t even get a secretary on the phone when I call                          your office.”

            “He’s right, we need to think about the next level,” Mike said to Glen as much as to himself.

            “You also need to get a new watch.  Casio doesn’t cut it for the Chairman of the Board.  Plus, you should never speak at a meeting until someone like me has reviewed your speech.”

            “Why?”

            “I would never let you refer to the technology you’ve acquired as 'amorphous, waiting to be harvested from'.”

            “Why not?”

            “Amorphous is a shapeless blob with no real potential for direction. Would you prefer to invest in that, or would you rather invest in a massive reservoir of technology with an unlimited potential for harvest?”

            “Reservoir is much better.”

            I continued and told him, “You need to lose weight.  Get a private trainer.”

            “What the fuck does my weight have to do with anything?”

            “The company right now is all about you. I’m not investing money in a company whose president looks like a walking heart attack.”

            “No one talks to me like that.”

            “Too bad.  If you want another “yes” man, cut me a paycheck.  Anyway, you guys need to hire someone to schlep everything for you.  You can’t be carrying all the crap from your presentation out to your car after you finish.  It looks ridiculous. Besides, the people who approach you at the end of a presentation are the people you’ve reached.  Take the time to close them or set up private appointments.”

            “We break down presentations ourselves to show we’re not wasting our investors' money on frivolous stuff.”

            “That makes sense.  Have lunch at the Peninsula and then look frugal by not having an eight-dollar an hour employee? That’s not frugal. It’s idiotic.  Trust me, hire someone.”

            “You know if we hired you, it would cause a lot of people to feel threatened?”

            “Not if they’re great at what they do.  Anyway, this one’s on me. Two Diet Cokes instead of my usual ten grand.”

            “You need to come down to our lab and see everything.”

            “Make me an offer.  I’d love to see all of your toys.”

            “Glen will set it up.”**

            **NOTE: I always say that if it looks wrong and sounds wrong, it probably is wrong.  They never made me an offer and I will never give another free critique.  By the way, their stock is still in the tank.  What a surprise.  With a little money and a lot of “know-how”, I could have delivered these guys the keys to the city. 

            Impact will hopefully be fun to read. But upon conclusion, I think you will realize that success in Los Angeles, or anywhere else for that matter, does not come from luck.  Rather, it comes -- more often than not -- from what you are about to read.  So, read on and enjoy.

Chapter 1

"It’s Better To Be Lucky Than Good"

            My dad always told me this. But trust me, it’s good to be both.  I remember as a kid watching Armand Hammer being interviewed on "The Tonight Show." He told the famous story of what one friend said to him regarding his legendary string of successful business endeavors in many different fields.  His friend said, “Armand, when it comes to business, you’re the luckiest man I’ve ever met.” 

            Armand Hammer responded, “When you work twenty hours a day, seven days a week, it’s funny how lucky you get.”  You’re probably asking yourself, “So, what is this all about?”  The truth is simple: there is no such thing as luck. 

            What people see as luck is really a formula: preparation meets opportunity. Let me give you an example.  Recently, a very attractive young girl came from the Midwest to Hollywood to become an actress. Imagine that.  As fate would have it, she met a friend of mine on the Warner Brothers lot.  He was coming down to Palm Springs to hang out with the guys and me, so he invited her down.  I know what you’re thinking, but you’re wrong.  She never made it.  However, we did wind up talking on the phone and a month later, we finally got together. 

            No doubt she had looks and a good personality.  I was impressed.  She told me she had been getting a lot of work but still wanted to find a new agent. She asked me if I knew anyone.  Even though I knew better, her crop top and tight jeans had worn me down, so I answered honestly.  “Yeah, I know some good people.”  For a minute or so, I took a skinny dip in her big blue eyes. Then, I volunteered, “I’ll set you up for a read with my buddy Sid.  He’s a good agent. He’s hooked.” 

             “What do you mean by hooked?” she asked. 

            I explained, “Hooked, you know, like hooked up.”  She had a blonde, Midwestern stare going.  I continued, “It means he’s tied in to people who can make things happen.” 

            Leaning back very comfortably, she asked, “Can you make things happen?”

Don’t worry, like an idiot, I took the high road.  I don’t know what came over me but I just left it at, “Meet with Sid.  Let’s see what he says.”  Then, feeling rational for a minute, I asked, “I hope you know what you’re doing?  If I set you up with this guy, you better be good or it’s going to make me look like an idiot.”  She assured me she was a great actress.

            Four days later, I called Sid to see how my first pure and genuine referral had done.  Sid’s a good guy so he went easy on me.  “Stan, she’s definitely got looks.” (Translation:  I hope you’re getting laid and not wasting my time for nothing.) “But she can’t read and her resume is bullshit.  All the work she’s done is as an extra.  She’s better off not even mentioning it.  As for her current agency, they have ten thousand wannabes.  She’d be better off not mentioning them either.  You need to make her understand she should play the new kid in town game.”

            I truly felt like apologizing for my lack of judgment. But I just thanked him for his time.  Sid consoled me by adding, “Look, tell her to get a private coach for six months and I’ll read her again.”

            Not feeling like I had wasted enough time, I called her and repeated Sid’s advice.  She dismissed it by saying, “A lot of extras wind up getting serious work.”  I asked her to name one.  She couldn’t. 

            So, what went wrong besides my hormones?  This girl had opportunity galore -- but she wasn’t prepared.  My guess is that her looks are going to get her several other opportunities but I doubt anything will really become of her.  She doesn’t want to deal with being prepared.  It’s hard work.  Ultimately, when she leaves town with her dreams of stardom shattered, she’ll blame it on bad luck.  However, you and I will know better.

            So, there you have it.  Opportunity but no preparation makes for bad luck.  Although it happens less often, there is also potential for the converse. 

            Many years ago, I was asked by one of my employees to meet “the most talented singer in town.”  She explained he (the singer) was a sweetheart of a guy and deserved a break.  You got it; three nights later I’m at Ciro’s Pompadour picking up the tab for open mike night (amateur night).

            It was like a scene out of "Flashdance" or that Billy Joel song "Piano Man."  This kid was great.  It’s the only time I’ve been at a restaurant for open mike where people besides the singer’s parents stopped eating dinner to listen to the song. I picked up the check, gladly, thinking I had struck platinum (one million records).

            I met several times with this extraordinary talent. He told me his story of rejection and disappointment.  He blamed his failures on professional jealousy.  He begged me to get him the right songs and the right producers.  I said, “Yes.” He agreed that my company would own half of everything he did. This kid should have been a star. I delivered the songs and the producers he wanted. I had him set to open live for one of the biggest comedians in Las Vegas (comedians like musical openers).  He had finished the first track for the album I was financing when I handed him his contract. It represented exactly what we had discussed. Two days later, he came to my office to see me. 

            He sat down and explained, “My lawyer says this is a bad deal. No one gives up fifty percent.” 

            I call this the "loser syndrome" and I have no patience for it.  I said, “Look, that contract is what you agreed to. No one in this town will work with you because they think you’re an arrogant prick.  If you sign that contract, you’ll be rich and famous. If you don’t, you’ll remain a nobody with a great voice.”

            He pleaded to let his lawyer talk to my lawyer. I threw his contract in the trash and asked him to leave. That was fifteen years ago and he’s still a nobody today. He had plenty of talent. He was well prepared. But not able to recognize opportunity, he just became another case of bad luck.

            I know, I know, what about no opportunity?  Believe me, if you fall into the opportunity challenged category, you wouldn’t/couldn’t be reading this book.  Opportunity is everywhere for everybody and you don’t need motivational infomercials to find it.  Okay, here’s a happy story.  Pay close attention because it contains many of the Impact elements we’re going to discuss in this book.  It is preparation meets opportunity at it’s best.

            Fifteen years ago, I decided I needed a more serious environment than UCLA’s John Wooden Center in which to workout.  The best place in Los Angeles for a serious workout was Gold’s Gym in Venice. Remember, fifteen years ago Gold’s wasn’t the happy neighborhood gym it is today. Its membership consisted of bodybuilders who worked as bouncers or male prostitutes, actors (Sylvester Stallone, Lou Ferrigno, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Michael Landon, etc.), criminals (who shall remain nameless), athletes (Magic Johnson, Lyle Alzedo, Michael Thompson, etc.), and professional wrestlers (Hulk Hogan, etc.).  Kids from good families couldn’t tell their parents that they were working out at Gold’s Gym Venice.  So there I was, ignoring my family and my school work, working out with the big boys.  Eventually I started working out with three other guys who, in gym lingo, could be called my workout partners (an almost sacred relationship).

            One of my workout buddies had been a co-star of a popular sitcom when I was in junior high. In case you’re wondering, I generally don’t drop names; it’s not a classy thing to do. I realize that many people who are wealthier and more famous than myself don’t hold to this standard when they write books. But my mom always told me, “Money doesn’t buy class.”  She was right.  As the years went on, our workout schedules changed but our friendship did not.  Every now and then, one of us would pick up the phone just to say hello.  We stayed friends through good times and bad times - probably even more so in the bad times.  That’s what makes a friendship.  It’s easy to be someone’s friend when he or she is up.  A real friend is there when someone is down.  Anyway, the years went by…

            It was summer of this year when one of the highest box office grossing producers in the world asked me to find and package a project for him with big merchandising potential. Two nights later, I’m at the Foundation Room (the private club on top of the House of Blues) and whom do I see?  That’s right, my old buddy from Gold’s Gym.  He’s leaning on the bar talking to a girl when I sneak up and put my arm around him.

            “I hope this is my old buddy, Such and Such -- or you probably think I’m gay.” 

            Such and Such turns around (thank God it was him!) and says, “Lerner!  Everybody, it’s Stan Lerner!”  For a minute, I felt like the famous one. 

            He continued, “How are you man?  I was just talking about you.”  He introduced me around to his friends. Then, I did the same.

            Like old friends will do, he asked, “So, what are you working on?” 

            I gave him a list of things -- which ended with, “You know I just got asked to put a package together with big merchandising potential in it.  If you hear of anything out there, give me a call.” 

            He looked like he had been struck by lightening. “You know, I write all the time.”

            “You got something?”

            “Well, when you said merchandising, something clicked.  Two years ago, I did a treatment with a friend of mine that might be what you’re looking for.”

            I told him to bring it to my house in the morning.  It was exactly what I was looking for.  We had a deal by lunch.

            It took fifteen years of friendship to get to that lucky moment.  Each of our respective circumstances, I’m sure, could be books unto themselves. But clearly, my friend was hit out of the blue with an opportunity and without a flaw, his preparation allowed him to grab it.  Two years, his treatment, which was written for TV, came close, but no deal.  One night, he’s out for drinks, says hi to an old friend -- and now his project is a motion picture deal with a seventy million dollar budget.  It’s a true story.  It’s a nice story.  It’s a good luck story. And most of all, it’s a why you should be prepared story.

            So far, so good.  Hopefully, by this point, you understand luck a little differently.  Now, it’s time to look at opportunity and preparation -- the components of luck.  No story, just one simple fact: both are God given.  It’s a tragedy that most people think because God is giving, they automatically deserve to be receiving.  I remember in Sunday school our teacher telling the story of God summoning Moses from outside of the camp to the middle of the camp so he could speak to him. 

            I asked the obvious question, “Why was only Moses able to hear this summons?” 

            She answered, “He was on a higher spiritual level than the rest.” 

I always thought of this like the dog whistle episode of "The Little Rascals”.  Pete could simply hear sounds that we couldn’t because his ears were better than ours.  The point I am trying to make is -- if God is giving, are you tuned in?  Are you open to it?  Are you taking?

            Once a girl I knew retorted to this statement, “If God is giving, why should I have to do anything?” 

            I told her to hold her arms out and clench her fists.  I took the change from my pocket and dropped it in her hands.  It bounced off and fell to the floor with the exception of one coin.  Then, I told her to cup her hands together, palms facing up.  This time, I dropped the change -- but none of it fell to the floor.  Instead, it remained in her hands. 

            My response: “It’s about interaction.  God is giving -- but it’s up to you how much you get.  If your hands are closed, you get one coin.  If they are open, you get them all.  My personal advice -- walk around with a wheel-barrel."   

            She laughed. But she got what I was saying and that’s what counts.

            Opportunity’s central component is circumstance.  The proverbial right time and right place.  This component is so important I’ve dedicated an entire chapter to it.  For now, understand one thing: circumstance is never permanent.  It is a fluid condition that you can always influence.  It does not matter where you were born or to whom you were born.  It does not matter if you are rich or you are poor.  Finally, it does not even matter whether you are intelligent or not.  What does matter, for now, is that you understand that you can change course.

            Preparation’s central component is ability.  What does this mean?  The root of the word ability is able.  Are you able?  Are you ready to handle or take advantage of opportunity?  Don’t be fooled and think ability and talent are synonymous.  They’re not.  Many talented people lose out on opportunities because they are not prepared.  They are not able to perform.  Talent has limits.   Ability does not.  There is no exclusive on ability.  You can never be too well prepared.

            Remember the story about the Midwestern girl and my friend the agent?  Not too long after that incident, I had a similar experience (life keeps giving you the same test until you pass).  This time, having learned my lesson, the outcome was very different.

            It’s Saturday night and I’m sitting at my booth at a little nightspot in Beverly Hills.  The place is really hopping because an event production company that I’m a partner in is promoting the place.  Club owners get girls and this night was no exception.  My booth was crowded with several very attractive young ladies – most were aspiring actresses, singers or models.  In the course of the conversation, the young lady sitting next to me mentioned that she was an actress and was looking for an agent (I checked my watch wondering if it was Groundhog Day). 

            I thought of Sid but gave her my number instead, saying, “I know some good people; call me when I’m sober.” 

            She asked, “You’re just going to help me?  What do you want?”

            “Who said I want anything?  You asked if I know of an agent, so I said call me. I’ll give you a couple of numbers.”

            With an almost disbelieving look, she said, “It's just…people always seem to want something if they help you.”

            I put the issue to rest with, “You don’t have to sleep with me for a couple of phone numbers.  If I want that, I’ll ask you out on a date first.”

            She took my number and called me the next day.  After exchanging the usual pleasantries, she asked me if I would still be willing to hook her up with an agent.  At last, my chance for redemption.

            “Sure. But can I ask you a couple of serious questions?”

            She was a little hesitant, “Yeah, sure.”

            I told her the story of the last girl I sent to Sid and inquired, “So, can you read and do you have anything decent on your resume?”

            Her answer was honest.  “I don’t know. I’ve never tried reading for a part and I don’t have a resume or anything to put on one.”

            I asked the obvious, “You said you were an actress?”

            “I want to be an actress.  I really think I would be good.”

            I explained to her that wanting to be something and being something are two different things. “Just because someone wants to be a heart surgeon doesn’t convince me that they should operate on me.  I want someone who has the three T’s: talent, training and a track record.  Of course, I prefer that he or she wants to be a heart surgeon. But if my life depends on it, I don’t care if he wants to be a cross dressing garbage collector, just as long as the three T’s are there.” I told her that she also needs to join a workshop and if she can afford it (she can), a private coach. 

            I continued, “Do some local theatre and talent showcases.  These are fun and good experiences.  Most of all, you’ll be with people in the mix.”

            In the end, I gave her two numbers.  The first was a friend of mine who is a talented actor (he’s actually been in some Academy Award winning movies). He’s definitely the type of guy who likes to help people out and I figured he could always use some extra money. The second person I told her to contact was a friend of mine who produces music and does some vocal coaching.  This girl took my advice seriously. She called both of my friends and decided to focus on her acting skills. I know she works at it everyday and the person I introduced her to continues to be her mentor. Where she will wind up, I don’t know. But I can tell you that tonight one of my close business associates and myself are going to watch her in her first talent showcase. I wish her luck.

            The purpose of this story is to illuminate that just as one can influence circumstance, one can also influence or create ability.  If this girl’s hard work results in her being able to act and read for a part, I’ll get her an agent.  Why? Because I’ll know she’s prepared should opportunity present itself to her.

            I recognize that being a player does not have to equate to being an actor, agent, writer, director or producer. I’ve chosen the entertainment industry for many examples because it generally provides larger than life circumstances. To talk about a business that requires luck, how can you find a business that would be more synonymous in people’s minds? The truth is, all businesses require luck and all business people need to understand the concept of luck.

            The important next step is to translate our understanding of luck to individual or self-application. Just to get you in the habit of doing this, I’ll try this step myself. To do this, we will use the example of my friend the sitcom actor and myself. For our purposes, I am now a real estate developer and he is now an architect. All of the circumstances are the same.  We still met at Gold’s Gym. We still maintained a friendship for fifteen years. And yes, we both still hung out at the Foundation Room. The difference is simply our conversation. 

            This time, instead of mentioning that I’m looking for a motion picture project with major merchandising potential, I say, “I’ve just inherited a major piece of property on Beverly and 

            La Cienega. I’m looking for concepts.”

            He replies, “You know, several years ago I did a concept design for a shopping center that would really fit that property.”

            You know how the rest of the story goes. We meet the next day. I love his design and a couple of years later, you are shopping at the Beverly Center.

            So, there it is -- the beginning of becoming a player. (A player is someone who is in the game and can make things happen.) Make your own luck by understanding what luck is and that it can be influenced, if not changed entirely.  When someone says, “It’s better to be lucky than good,” we know that they really mean, “It’s better to have opportunity that you're prepared for, than talent.”

"Right Place, Right Time"

            This is the stuff that people love. I actually struggled with whether or not to talk about this so early in the book -- but I’m going to have faith that you won’t just read this chapter and hit the town.  Remember what I said in the introduction about first impressions? You only have one chance to make one. Just because you know where to go doesn’t mean you should try right away. Wait until you finish the book so that when you wind up at the right place at the right time – and then you will make the right impression.  With that disclaimer, let me explain why “Right Place, Right Time” should be the second chapter. 

            Our discussion of luck in Chapter One was, for the most part, philosophical.  I’m a firm believer that real success can only be possible if there is a strong philosophical or spiritual foundation to build from.  However, I don’t believe in living in a cave for forty years in deep contemplation to achieve this.  Once you establish a philosophy or spiritual level (what I referred to as foundation), try it out.  In our case, we’ve built a foundation on the premise that we can influence luck (remember Armand Hammer agrees with us!).  So, to test out our foundation, we must build.  Building is done through practical application, which, in our case, is right place, right time. 

            I can’t count how many times I’ve heard people say, “You’re successful because you’re white and born in America.  If you were born black and starving in Ethiopia, how successful would you be?”

            Now, I’ve never really cared for this statement -- or the people who have said it to me.  However, the answer is obvious and somewhat arrogant, “The cream always rises to the top.”

            You don’t have to transport someone to a land of famine and change the color of their skin to give them a difficult circumstance.  There are people going hungry right here in America.  The majority of Americans who live under poverty level are white.  Everybody comes into the world with nothing and -- black, or white, rich or poor -- everybody has the ability to change his or her circumstance.

            So, given the example of being born into a land of famine anywhere in the world, including America, what do you do?  I hope your answer is to leave.  It’s truly that simple; if there is no food where you’re at, you go to where there is.  Back to Sunday school for a minute.  Abraham was clearly the kind of guy I would say rose to the top (not to mention walking through fire).  When Abraham left his land of birth, he settled in Canaan.  There was a terrible famine in the land.  What did he do?  Did he complain about bad circumstance?  Did he say, “First, I’m born to an idol-maker? Then God made me move to a land with no food?”  No, he moved his family to Egypt where there was food and they stayed there until the famine was over.  By the way, that was on foot with no assistance from the Red Cross or any other modern convenience. 

            Do you see why I don’t like the whole black-Ethiopia question?  It's not because I disagree that environment influences opportunity.  In fact, I agree completely.  Environment is very important.  I dislike the question because it is cynical.  It presupposes that there are places and people who cannot change environments, thus change their circumstance.  This is a false and dangerous thought.  Stay away from people who think like this.  You shouldn’t limit yourself in this regard, nor should you let others put this type of limit on you.

            All right, let’s assume most of us have escaped severe circumstances.  There’s a roof over our head and food on the table, but we still want more.  We’re not willing to settle for being average.  Where do we go to find excellence?  It only makes sense that if you can go from a land without food to a land with food, you should also be able to go from a land of average to a land of excellence.  So, get out your map; it’s time for practical application of this theory.

            Let’s start with a term I love --  “In the mix.”  My associates and I use this expression all the time.  It means many things. But most importantly, it means you are aware of being at the right place at the right time.  I realize that I keep repeating this phrase.  But the key word here is aware.  You must know when you’ve arrived.  So many times, I’ve seen people poised for success – and then they wander off just before success arrives.  They always think there’s something better somewhere else when there’s not.  Unfortunately, people are resigned that this is human nature, which it is not.  It’s a lack of awareness.  If you know who you are and you know what you want to be, you must also be careful to be aware of where you're at and where you must go.

            A few months ago, I was at The Whiskey Bar in West Hollywood.  Plenty of Hollywood/industry types hang out there.  It’s a nice looking crowd, definitely trendy. (This crowd is good if you want your finger on the pulse of what’s going on -- but movers and shakers generally don’t hang in this crowd.)  So, I’m there just observing, trying to mind my own business, when a guy walks up with his friend and introduces himself to me.  He’s a writer who just moved to town.  It turns out he was fortunate enough to sell something and just wanted some tips on furthering some of his other projects. 

While I’m talking to the writer, a good-looking young girl plops down on the couch across from me.  She’s an actress just wondering what we were talking about. (Maybe a part for her?)  Then, along comes a nice looking guy, who sits down on the seat to my left.  I could have told you that the writer was a writer just by looking at him.  I could tell the girl was an actress by the way she sat down (shoes kicked off, feet pulled up under her at a trendy bar).  I knew the moment I saw this other guy that he didn’t fit.  A fish out of water -- even in a watering hole.

            Needless to say, I was curious.  I quizzed him, politely.  He turned out to be a DEA agent.  Not satisfied with his chosen career, he had decided to start hanging out in Hollywood in his spare time.  His goal was to have some fun, get a feel for what’s going on and maybe make some connections.  This guy sitting down at our table is the classic example of getting yourself into the mix.

            The mix is both tangible and intangible.  You have to be where what you want to do is happening.  If you want to watch football, go to a football game, not a bowling alley.  If you want to eat, go to a restaurant, not a dry cleaner.  (This should be common sense, right?)  And if you want to be in entertainment, come to LA (or New York).

            That’s the tangible.  The intangible is your attitude.  There’s nothing worse than being in the mix physically but not mentally.  Before you go mixing, make sure you're in the mood.  Your attitude says more about you in the long term than anything else.  Make sure it’s good and it comes through loud and clear.

            Many years ago, I became friends with a gentleman who was an investor in a publishing company in which I had also invested.  When I had problems with the publisher, this other investor contacted me and asked me to join him for lunch.  He explained that he was interested in working things out between the publisher and myself – in hopes of protecting his own investment too.  I agreed to meet with him and gave him instructions to my home.

            At the time, I was twenty-one years old and living in a luxury high rise on Wilshire Boulevard (this is often called the Wilshire Corridor or the Platinum Mile).  I realized that my life style was different from most (especially most twenty-one year olds) -- but I was shocked by the impression that it made on my co-investor.  Even though he was much older and far wealthier than I was, he could not get over my impressive surroundings.  I never forgot his reaction -- or the fact that he split our lunch check down to the penny.  My lawyer wound up working things out with the publisher but the co-investor and I remained friends.  However, after our first lunch I always picked up the check rather than watch a man worth fifty million dollars embarrass himself trying to decide if he had literally been shorted a few pennies.

            One afternoon, we were having lunch in a restaurant in Beverly Hills that neither of us had ever been to.  Despite the address, it was nothing fancy and I had gone big time casual in torn jeans and a sweatshirt.  At the end of the meal, the waitress handed me the check.

            My friend commented, “Why do they always give you the check?  I’m obviously older.  I used to think it was because you dressed nicer than I do. But today, you’re in old jeans and a sweatshirt!”

            The answer, of course, is attitude.  When the two of us walked into the room, his cheapness showed through.  Even a young waitress could see through him, despite all of the external appearances/signs of success.  I chose to tell you this story for two reasons.  First, I want to make clear to you that it’s important to be in the mix with the right attitude.  Second, you cannot hide a bad attitude with clothes, cars, plastic surgery, or anything else.  If your attitude is bad, stay out of the mix.

            With the right attitude, people are attracted to you the moment you walk into a room.  So, when you choose the right place, make sure you’ve chosen the right attitude.  If you want high impact, walk in smiling, introduce yourself to people, shake hands, and buy some drinks.  Let people know you’re a sport.  Let them know you’re a player.

            If you have low impact in mind, make sure you’re looking good.  Be friendly, but serious.  Let people come to you.   Ask them a lot of questions about themselves.  Listen intently; don’t look around the room.  Important people make others feel important.

            So, when it comes to attitude, take it to them or invite them to come to you.  Don’t walk in the middle of road.  If you want to be a player, walk on the left or the right.  In the middle, you’ll get run over by the traffic of mediocrity.

            It’s time to talk about the right place.  In general, we know that football stadiums are good if you’re looking to watch a game -- but there’s much more to it than that.  Say that your lawyer and you like to go the games, but you feel guilty taking time off work.  What do you do?  Take some business cards with you to the game.  People socialize during games.  Be friendly and solicit some business.  Don’t be afraid to hand out those cards.  Now, here’s the key question.  Where do you sit?  If your specialty is business or transactional law, sit on the fifty-yard line.  If your specialty is personal injury or criminal law, sit close to the end zone.  If you’re the senior partner of a major firm, get a box.

            I always tell people to look for quality.  Remember, quality is relative to what you’re trying to accomplish.  End zone seats at a game are low quality to someone who just wants to see what’s going on.  They’re even worse for someone who wants to see what’s going on and to potentially meet wealthy business clients.  However, for the lawyer specializing in DUI’s or personal injury, they are of the highest quality. 

            I’m sure most people would have expected this chapter to plunge right into LA hot spots.  Instead, as explained earlier, I have tried to lay down a philosophical foundation prior to pure, practical application.  The concept of being a player in LA, particularly in Hollywood, has universal appeal. But remember, the philosophy that makes a player has no geographical exclusive.  You can be a player in whatever you choose to do and wherever you choose to be.

            What you’ve read so far has probably led you to the conclusion that I myself am an LA player, especially in the entertainment industry.  Well, you are both right and wrong. 

            Nine years ago, I was a fast-rising star on the LA scene.  My business interests in music, fine art, and publishing had led me to the very doorstep of both the motion picture and television industries.  I knew a lot of the right people and I certainly had the financial resources.  So what happened?  I blew it.  However, that’s not the point of this book.  I went on to become a player in several other businesses until I wound up back in entertainment -- almost nine years later.

            One of the questions that I’m asked most often is, “How did you do it?” After being out of the scene for so long, how did I get back into the mix in such a big way so fast?  My answer is short, “The Four Seasons.”  That’s right, I’m talking about the hotel.

            The day after I sold my clothing company, I set my sights on reentering the entertainment industry.  Until that day, I had rarely gone to The Four Seasons.  As a player in the clothing industry, I preferred the almost European refinement of the Regent Beverly Wilshire Hotel or The Peninsula.  However, there was no mistaking the fact that while Hollywood players visit The Regent, The Peninsula, and the remodeled Beverly Hills Hotel, the real schmoozing and deal making get done at the less formal Four Seasons.

            So, I got up that morning and began my new routine.  I worked out, laid out by the pool, and made some phone calls.  I took a lunch meeting with some business associates (just to get the word out that I was looking for entertainment deals).  After lunch, I headed up to The Coffee Bean on Sunset (at the time a popular spot for young writers and actors) to hang out and start writing down some ideas.  At four o’clock, I drove over to The Four Seasons.  I picked this time so that I would beat the five o’clock rush and get the best table.  I tipped the valet and told him to leave my car in front. (If you have a nice car, never let it be parked in the garage – always keep it in front.)  Once seated inside, I pulled out some impressive reading materials.  Within fifteen minutes, a group sat down on the couches facing me.  I could not help but overhear their discussion.  The group included: a producer, an associate producer, a casting director and a writer -- all trying to put their final say into a low budget movie they were working on.

            I read and sipped my iced tea while they quizzed the casting director as to who was right and whom he could get for what part.  As this went on, I kid you not, the casting director turned to me and said, "You must have overheard some of our conversation.  What do you think?”

            I told him I hadn’t been listening intentionally. But since he asked, I gave him a list of young actresses I knew or knew of that would be right for the part they were having the most difficult time casting.

            There I was, at the right place, at the right time.  I also had the right attitude and look and within fifteen minutes, four perfect strangers were taking notes from me on who should be in their movie.  By the end of our conversation, we had shared our background, talked about other projects, and exchanged numbers.

            As long as we’re discussing my schedule -- which incidentally ties time and place together -- let’s finish the rest of that day.  At seven o’clock, I left The Four Seasons for a dinner meeting.  At nine o'clock, I met some friends at the House Of Blues.  We had drinks up in The Foundation Room and then took in the show downstairs.  After the show, we went back upstairs and hung out till closing time.

            I repeated this routine Monday through Friday almost without fail.  I adjusted my dinner and evening plans depending on the night. But from four to seven, you could always find me sitting in my seat at my table at The Four Seasons.  In fact, if you drove by and knew my car, you would know if I was there just by noticing if my car was out front or not.

            I basically turned The Four Seasons into my office.  I made new contacts there while reintroducing myself to old ones.  As the number of people who knew me grew (including the owners of the hotel), so did the number of people who wanted to know me.  In a minute, I’ll tell you about the single most important event that took place at The Four Seasons. But first, I would be remiss if I didn’t backtrack and explain The Coffee Bean connection.

            As I mentioned previously, The Coffee Bean was part of my regular afternoon schedule.  There, I met two young producers who simultaneously did several important things that put me into the center of the mix. During our first conversation, I told them of my earlier involvement in and around the entertainment industry.  It turned out that the three of us knew a colorful character in the business.  I had lost contact with this individual for years, but they hadn’t.  The following day, we met over coffee again and they gave me my old friend’s number.  I immediately called him on his cell phone.  He was so happy to hear from me that he invited me to a party he was having that night at The Peninsula. 

            The second way they brought me into the mix was their explanation to me of independent film finance.  In the course of their explanation, they described the most common and difficult hurdle in the process – the time when a producer is asked to “pay or play”.  In lawyers' terms, this is the time when you must put up the money to secure talent before they will sign a contract.  The problem, of course, is that financing can usually take place only after these contracts are signed.

            The third way they helped put me into the mix was by introducing me to the vice president of a major lending institution.  This particular bank is well known for lending to independent producers.  This meeting led to the introduction to a major distributor.

            So, let’s sum it up.  From one chance meeting at The Coffee Bean, I reestablished ties to an old friend who was a mover and shaker.  I also learned the ins and outs of independent film financing -- which led, perhaps, to the most important aspect of being in the mix: my relationship with the bank and distributor.  These relationships, under the right circumstances, put me in the position of being able to produce motion pictures.

            After the visit with my old friend at The Peninsula, an associate of his asked me to meet him at The Four Seasons the following evening. (Needless to say, I would have been there anyway.)  During the course of our conversation, several people who knew one or the other of us stopped by to say hello.  We ended the evening agreeing there was more to talk about.  I did sense that both my old acquaintance and his associate had slipped to the fringes of the mix. (This is dangerously close to an area known as LA bullshit.)  As the valet brought my car (all of twenty feet), one of the guys who knew the person I was meeting with started to talk to me (we had been introduced briefly inside.).  I told him I was serious about getting back into “the industry” -- I just hadn’t decided how.  He gave me his card and asked me to meet him for lunch at his office on the Warner Brothers lot.

            We wound up meeting several times -- but it was our first meeting that did the trick.  He said to me, “This town is filled with a bunch of whores.  Get your financing together and they’ll line up to see you.”  He shoveled some food in his mouth and continued, “I can tell by looking at you that it’s your time.  I see you often when I’m out on the town.  You’re surrounded like you’re already a studio boss.  But you gotta stay away from bullshitters like the guy you were with at The Four Seasons.”

            I raised my eyebrows.

            “Yeah, trust me -- he’s full of shit.  See, I’m on the lot because I don’t bullshit.  I’m a poor fucking slob. But I have some good projects -- and they are real projects.  Look, you’ve gotta trust me.  I know this fucking town.  It needs a guy like you in the business.”  Then, as he reached for his wallet, he realized it was not in his sweat pants.  “Oh, fuck.  I left my wallet at the office.”

            I reached for the check.  “Don’t worry about it, I got it.”

            He was relieved.  “Man, I’m sorry.  It’s just -- they took away our signing privileges and I forgot my wallet.  I’ll pay you back at the office.”

            I said, “Don’t worry about it.  I think you just helped me make up my mind.”

            He interrupted me, “ I’m telling you -- finance will take you to the top.  Oh, shit, I’ve got to get back.  Thanks for lunch.  Why don’t you come up tomorrow?  I’m meeting with some guys from New York who are extremely loaded.  I think you’ll like them.”

            We hopped into the golf cart furnished by the studio and he drove me back to my car.

            I realize this story is getting pretty involved -- but I can’t stress enough the importance of the right place.  What I’m describing to you is an entire career that was established with lightening speed, in great part due to this factor.  I could have hung out anywhere.  Instead, I chose the places that I was most likely to meet people that could impact and benefit my new career path.

            To finish my story -- and hopefully drive home this point once and for all.  You should know I took the advice from the producer at Warner Brothers.  I wrote a business plan to raise money for play or play offers.  Writing the plan gave me an education in film finance that years of film school would not have.  It also allowed me to continue to meet some of the most powerful people in the industry.

            Did the business plan itself work?  I never got the chance to find out.  The guys I met from New York the next day at Warner Bros. turned out to represent one of the top ten grossing producers in the world.  We hit it off like long lost relatives.   I had finished the business plan and I showed it to them. 

            They were so impressed, they told me, “Forget about doing packaging for other people.”

            “Why?” I asked.

            “You’ll make a lot more money putting a deal together for us.”

            When you develop and package deals for one of the top producers in the world, you find yourself very much in the center of the mix.  But, before you could find me in the center, you could find me at The Four Seasons and The Coffee Bean on Sunset.

            Just so you don’t think there are only two places worth hanging out in LA, let me go over a few others.  There are a lot of trendy places I’m going to skip because they’ll be out by the time you read this book. But the classics are worth mentioning.

            Now, I’ve mentioned some key hotels – The Beverly Hills Hotel, Regent Beverly Wilshire, The Peninsula, and The Four Seasons.  I would be remiss if I left out the Bel Air (for quiet meetings), Chateau Marmont (in particular Bar Marmont) and the Mondrian (and its low key hot spot, Skybar).  There are also some up and comers like Shutters, The Viceroy, The Standard (downtown or on Sunset), and the L’Ermitage.  All of the hotels I’ve mentioned have varying degrees of hanging out and networking potential.  Like I said earlier, survey the scene and see if it fits your needs.  In terms of meeting environments, I rate them all fairly equal.  You certainly won’t blow a deal by looking bad at any of these great establishments.  In addition, if a meeting environment is all you are looking for, I recommend adding the downtown Biltmore or Checkers to your list.

            So, we’ve talked about hotels. And while it’s true they serve food, it’s time to talk about restaurants.  If you are a player in LA, you eat at Spago's.  I had to get that out of the way.  The new location in Beverly Hills is a place to see and be seen. It is a fairly schmoozy atmosphere.  I’ve seen people actually sit down with others at their table to network and socialize.

            You can’t talk about Spago without talking about its pseudo celebrity owners: Wolfgang Puck, the chef, and Barbara Lazeroff, the operator (and Wolfgang’s wife).  The very fact that they are so well known makes Spago even more of an attraction.  You should also note other restaurants owned by this duo, like Chaya (on Main Street in Venice) and Grenada (in Malibu)  - both of which also attract the serious player crowd.

            Another great LA restaurant for the player in all of us is L’Orangerie (located on La Cienega, not too far from the happening Sunset Strip). It sets the standard for class and quality in LA.  Just down the street from L’Orangerie is Matsuhisa.  Well known as maybe the best fish restaurant in the country, its chef Nobu has also achieved a celebrity status. (I believe his restaurant Nobu in New York City is mentioned prominently in Donald Trump’s most recent book, The Art of The Comeback.)  Players frequent Matsuhisa -- and so should you if you plan on being one.

            Since my goal is not to review every player's eatery in town, let me just say that the three restaurants I’ve told you about are contemporary classics. They are potentially great for networking and they say a lot for you if you’re having a meeting there.

            Just to round out your list, here’s a few other places:  The Ivy on Robertson, Chaya (just around the corner), Morton's, Matteo's on Westwood Boulevard, Valentino's (Wolfgang himself told me that this was his favorite restaurant in LA), Rick's in Santa Monica, the Buffalo Club also in Santa Monica, Dan Tana’s in West Hollywood, Lawry's The Prime Rib on La Cienega, Crustacean (especially on Wednesdays) in Beverly Hills.  If you have a kosher player on your hands, go to Pat's on Pico, Milk and Honey (same street as Pat’s), or Steven Spielberg's mom’s place, The Milky Way. If you’re Downtown you will never go wrong at The Palm or Roy’s.

            Having covered coffee, late afternoon (tea or happy hour), hotels and dinner, it’s now time to talk nightlife.  Once again, clubs come and go too fast to start naming. But a little later, I’ll tell you how to be in the know.  Let me say this about clubs:  If you’re a player, you should stop into wherever may be hot on the best night at least once a month.  It gives you a look at what’s going on and it lets people see that you’re in touch.  A couple of places worth mentioning specifically by name: 

            -- The House Of Blues: most people have heard of it. If you want to join the ranks of player, you need to be there at least once a month.  When I’m working it, I’m there twice a week.  Don’t forget the most important part – join their private club upstairs or you’re just another show-goer.

            -- The Grand Havana Room in Beverly Hills: this is strictly members only.  Make yourself one of them.  This is a great place to go after dinner.  Like The Foundation Room, at The House of Blues, the Grand Havana attracts the A-list from Hollywood -- but serious heavyweights from all types of businesses do more than smoke there.

            If you’re going to the movies, which you should probably do once a week, frequent the Westwood or Century City theatres.  Newer complexes such as The Grove and The ArcLight (both of which boast stadium seating and lots of dining places near the theaters) are also very trendy and good spots to be seen. If you really want to make a statement, rent the Charles Aidikoff screening room on South Rodeo.

            Even though you’re not in New York, you must go to legitimate theatre.  At least once a month, you should stop into the Music Center, Disney Hall, or The Pantages.  Don’t be afraid to mix some small venues like The Geffen Playhouse or The Odyssey.  Every now and then, toss in a talent showcase.  Oh, let’s talk about The Hollywood Bowl. I say get tickets for the whole season. And to really do it right, get a box.  At the very least, check it out every now and then.

            We have lots of museums in Los Angeles.  Make sure you join them and make sure make sure you’re there for openings and special events.  The Getty (Maybe the greatest museum in the world.), L.A.C.M.A., and M.O.C.A. (I don’t mean coffee) are the bare essentials.

            Charity events should also be on your schedule.  No less than three a month.  For this, I can’t name a place -- but I can tell you these events are great because they help you while they help others.  City of Hope, Starlight Foundation, Concern, LA Partnership For The Homeless, and Divine Design are all great places to start in Los Angeles.

            You don’t need to play sports but you should watch them a little.  The Lakers, Clippers, Kings, and Dodgers are the three biggest, professional teams.  I prescribe at least one game per season per team.  If you go to more, it certainly won’t hurt -- especially if you have good seats. 

            Now, lets get you a few places to go at night.  How do you know what’s hot when you're looking to be in on the trend?  Don’t laugh about this next suggestion, I’m serious: read LA Magazine.  Believe it or not, their list of places to be is usually right on.  If you want live advice, remember those hotels you’re hanging out at?  Ask the concierge, if they’re used to seeing you. They won’t care if you’re not a guest.  They usually have pretty solid/current tips and advice.

            We’ve covered a lot in this chapter -- and yet I feel like I’ve only scratched the surface.  The truth is, right time, right place could be a book unto itself.  So, just to ease my guilt a little bit, let’s talk about health clubs – another essential element of the scene in Los Angeles. 

            I mentioned earlier the good friends, good contacts, and good workouts that came from Gold’s Gym.  So, I have to tell you to put Gold’s Gym Venice on your list.  The choice is yours.  Serious gyms aside, you must join Sports Club LA.  Besides its good looks, it is schmooze heaven.  As a counterpart to Sports Club, if you’re not into Hollywood, the LA Athletic Club still carries weight with the downtown power players. In West Hollywood, Crunch and Equinox are very popular places to workout – and be seen.

            Even though I got to them late in the chapter, you must take your choice of gym and health clubs seriously.  They truly are one of the best places to meet people.  Most players feel relaxed in their environment; I’ve gotten to know some of the biggest players in town while taking a steam.  In fact, many mornings I worked out at Gold's and then went to one of the schmoozier places for a steam, shower, and breakfast.

            Finally, there are country clubs, yacht clubs, beach clubs, and tennis clubs.  You should join one if not all of the above.  While there are many to choose from in Los Angeles, I’ll give you the short list.  If you are not Jewish, join the LA Country Club.  If you are Jewish, then join the Hillcrest. If you’re in the entertainment industry join Bel Air.  When it comes to beach clubs, if you are not Jewish, join The Jonathan Club.  If you are Jewish, join The Santa Monica Beach Club.  Last but not least, whether your Jewish or not, you’re okay to join The Beverly Hills Racquet Club.

            As I said before, all of this is just a drop in the ocean of places to be. But I can guarantee you this: there is not a player in this town that would not agree that this list will definitely begin to put you into the mix.  If your game is not in LA, remember two things.  First, the philosophy here applies to almost everywhere you go.  You might need to make your own list of places, but the categories should be the same.  Second, on a national scale, Los Angeles is extremely important. If you aspire to be a player on a national level, LA may not apply to you now, but I can promise you, one day it probably will.  I’ll see you in the mix.

            People who have argued this point with me usually think of this issue along the lines of the classic Winston Churchill story.  One night at a fancy party, Churchill had been drinking heavily.  A society lady took offense to his state of inebriation and said, “Mr. Prime Minister, you are drunk.”

            He replied, “And you are ugly.  The difference is, in the morning I will wake up sober -- but you will still be ugly.”

            So, to those who believe that beauty is skin deep, which in the literal sense it may be, my title for this chapter is objectionable.

            Needless to say, I have linked good looks or beauty to other levels that go beyond God given appearances.  Our approach to becoming a player is pro-active.  “If you are good looking (God given), you still must go out of your way to look good.  Of course, it’s ideal to be good looking and also look good.  But, which is more important?  Which says the most about who you are?  The one over which you have control.

            God may have made one person short and one person tall.  Someone else may have a full head of hair and the other is bald. Yet I have never met the person that God made dirty, un-groomed, poorly dressed or slovenly.  I have never assumed anything about a person's character based on their height (I hope you haven’t) or their hairline.  However, I have assumed many things after observing the appearance factors that fall under one’s own self-control.

            So, my position is a simple one.  It is better to look good than to be good-looking because looking good is a way of communicating who you are and what you are about.  Being good-looking is certainly a blessing from God, but so is beauty in general.  It says nothing about who the person is. 

            For example, I think roses are beautiful.  If this were a romance novel, I would certainly write a spicy love scene that takes place on a bed covered with rose petals.  We all know that the same scene would not be very romantic if it took place in the garden on top of a thorny rose bush.  A rose that still has its thorns screams out my point (no pun intended) – “I’m beautiful on the surface. Look at my petals -- give me a smell.  Wait a minute, don’t reach any deeper or you’re going to get hurt because just below my petals, there are thorns.”  When most of us give roses, we have the thorns removed.  We know that their beauty can be improved and we become proactive to see that it is.

            If you will indulge me for a minute, I just had a thought that I had no plan to write about, but I would like to share with you.  I remember an interview I once watched on "60 Minutes" with jazz legend Miles Davis.  In that interview, they described the brilliant and beautiful accomplishments of the musical great -- but they described his personality as “thorny" and  "prickly."  It seems many people with God given extraordinary talents, looks or otherwise, have thorny, prickly personalities. 

            In the past, I had always taken this description of someone’s personality to be factual and nothing more.  Now, given the example or the entire context of the rose, I would say that this description is conditional.  A prickly personality is not necessarily a type of personality unto itself.  Rather, it’s any personality that is in need of and has the ability to be improved.  Pardon my digression, but the thought certainly clarifies the example just a little bit more.

            So, hopefully we’ve established the importance of looking good.  Let’s now talk about why it’s important.  Sure, it’s important because it communicates who you are.  But, how does it do that and what does it say?

            Looking good communicates who you are in several ways.  The first and most dominant way is instinctively.  By this I mean other people’s instincts, both innate and developed. (That’s right, I’m saying that we’re born with some instincts and others are learned, based on individual human need or desire.)  How many times have you heard someone say, “I have a good feeling about him” (certainly this is not literal, like squeezing fruit at the market.) or "my gut tell me he or she is telling the truth"?  People state these instinctual perceptions based in large part what their senses say about you.

            One of the most obvious examples is cleanliness.  People are naturally attracted to someone who looks clean and well kept.  This is an innate and developed instinct, which makes it a particularly strong attraction.

            Innately, human beings prefer cleanliness.  If you give a child a choice between sleeping in a clean bed and a dumpster filled with garbage, the child will choose the bed.  On the other hand, we grow up hearing that cleanliness is next to godliness.  We learn about the ill effects of germs and bacteria on our own health.  If anyone of us was wheeled into an operating room and the surgeon was dressed in dirty jeans and a T-shirt -- with no mask on and no gloves -- we would flip out.  Hell, I won’t get a manicure unless I know that they sterilize their nail files and other instruments.

            The point is simple.  We sense clean with our eyes, our noses, and our sense of touch.  We certainly can sense it through taste and even, to some degree, with our ears.  It is a base instinct as well as a learned one.  If you want to be a player, you must look clean and well kept in every possible way.

            There is a saying: “To seduce a woman, you must overwhelm her senses."  I actually had a conversation with a very attractive girl who told me she had slept with a guy on the first date because he seemed so clean.  She said, “He was clean, his car was clean, and his house was so clean too.  I just got turned on.”  She didn’t have a chance to get to know him well enough to determine whether she liked him or not -- but her senses were simply overwhelmed by this one positive factor.

            Another instinct that is both basic and learned is the attraction to what’s positive and comfortable.  This tends to be more about attitude than outward appearances. But still, few of us would be happy to be strapped into a dental chair and then see our dentist enter the room dressed in a leather and spike S&M dominator outfit.  He may still say, “This won’t hurt a bit” -- but would you believe him?

            I spoke about attitude earlier, as it relates to the right place and right time.  If you think about the attitude that I described in the context we are now speaking, you should realize it was one that relayed both a positive and comfortable look and feeling.

            For the sake of your look, however, it is not good enough to just tell you how to work a room.  You cannot truly create a look of a positive, comfortable person as we’ve said earlier if you are not one.  If you recall, we talked about the young waitress who sensed (instinctively) that my friend was cheap.  So to look like a positive comfortable person, you must take some time to develop the proper attitude.  To help, I’ll tell you a couple of stories.

            The first is not my story at all.  I saw it many years ago on the television classic,             “The Twilight Zone."  (Why don’t they make shows like that anymore?)  A wealthy, older man was dying. So, he invited his unloving, scheming, unworthy heirs to spend his last dying days as guests at his home.  The conditions of their being eligible to inherit from his estate were that they must stay with him and they must wear grotesque looking masks during their stay.

            If you remember this episode, you know that the masks were devilishly magical.  At the time of the old man’s death, the heirs removed their masks only to find out that their faces had been transformed to the shape of the grotesque masks they had worn.

            In reality there is no need for a magical mask.  If you think positive, comfortable thoughts, people will not only perceive them as a rich source of energy, they will see it in your look - the look on your face and in your posture.

            To take this one step further, I would also like to suggest that through a positive attitude, you can influence your looks for the better.  I’ve always been amazed at pictures of babies in a nursery.  Personally, I cannot tell one from the other.  I had never thought that anything more than genes influenced how we grow up to look until one very sad but enlightening day.

            It is necessary, prior to the actual burial at funeral, that a member of the family or close friend must identify the body -- which is to be buried.  I had never thought much of this, nor had I understood stories of bodies being mixed up at the morgue as anything other than incompetence.

            On the day of the funeral of one of my uncles, I was asked to be the one that gave a positive identification.  As I stared at my uncle, trying to be sure, the funeral director became nervous.  He asked, “Is everything all right?”

            I nodded my head that it was. But my uncle looked so different -- even I was momentarily in doubt.

            In case you’re wondering, it had not been that long since the last time I had seen my uncle.  In fact, I was at his bedside the week before he died.  The reason it was hard for me to recognize him was simply that he had died.  Prior to his death, he had a particularly friendly and outgoing personality.  So much so that you could tell he was friendly just by looking at him.  After his death and the loss of his personality, he just didn’t look as unique as he had during his life – which made it harder to recognize/identify him. 

            This of course made me think back to the nursery filled with those generic looking babies.  I realized that while genes may guide their looks, it would be their personalities that would actually determine how they looked.   What they visualize themselves to be will, to a large extent, become their reality.  For a child, this happens more as a matter of circumstance. But for you, as an adult, it can happen as a matter of choice.

            I realize I am not a scientist -- but look, if you will, at how many possibilities really exist.  As a kid, I used to play with a toy called Mr. Potato Head. (Do you remember Mr. Potato Head?)  Basically, you snapped a limited selection of facial features onto this plastic potato.  Depending on what you snapped on and where, this determined how Mr. Potato Head looked.  To help you out, the back of the box had pictures of all of the various looks you could hope to achieve.

            Do you see where I’m going?  God set some basic parameters in putting us together.  Two eyes, two ears, a nose, and a mouth (if all goes according to plan).  All of these features on a surface, which is a pretty standard circumference, give or take a few inches.  Even changing sizes and angles a fraction of an inch at a time, how many possibilities might there be?  A thousand, ten thousand, one hundred thousand?  Maybe even a million possible combinations?  If this is the case then why, on a planet of almost six billion, does everybody look different?

            We look different not so much because of what we are but because of who we are. If you are a player on the inside, you will look like a player on the outside.

            Our second anecdote should drive this point home.  While it comes from the Bible, scholars aren’t sure whether it should be considered to be metaphorical or literal -- but for our purposes, there is no difference.  King Solomon, the son of King David, achieved the highest levels of both wisdom and wealth that any man has ever known.  There is a story that says Solomon was removed from his throne by a demon that assumed his appearance in every way with the exception of his legs, which he covered with the King’s robe.  While the demon reigned, the real Solomon found himself in rags wandering the countryside.  When he came to a small town to reside, they asked him who he was.

            He answered, “I am King Solomon.”  The townspeople thought him crazy and they ridiculed him -- but he would only respond, “I am Solomon.”

            As time went by and the townspeople came to see the wisdom of the stranger, they came to believe that he was indeed the real King Solomon.  So they went with Solomon to visit his court where the demon now sat.  Looking under the fake king’s robe, they saw legs of the demon (the king was naked) and the demon fled.

            Because Solomon knew who he was -- despite adverse circumstances and the lack of belief of others -- he prevailed.  Because he saw himself as the king, he behaved like a king. And in the end, he was recognized not by what people saw on the outside but by what was on the inside -- which influenced the outside.

            By this time, you should be looking clean and well groomed/maintained.  You should certainly look positive and comfortable. But things would not be complete if you did not look successful.  Once again, very few elements will attract people to you like the look of success.  In this chapter, we will once again deal with the more intangible aspects of this look -- leaving the practical applications for the following chapter.  Why am I doing that?  To lay a solid foundation…

            When it comes to success, I will once again assert that its attraction factor is both an innate and a learned instinct.  It’s hard to imagine that a human being is born with the desire for success. So once again, I have to refer back to my early days in Sunday school.

            In Biblical Egypt, his advisors warned Pharaoh that a Jewish leader would be born who would lead his people out of Egypt, freeing them from bitter slavery.  Pharaoh’s horrible solution was to kill all of the male children born to the Jews by drowning them in the Nile River.  Ironically, as Pharaoh’s daughter bathed in this very same river, she discovered a basket floating down the Nile. The basket contained a baby named Moses. 

            Pharaoh was in a difficult situation.  He knew the child was Jewish -- and therefore the potential savior of the Jews. Yet his daughter loved the child and wanted to keep it.  So he and his wise men devised a test.

            Before the child (Moses), they would place two trays.  One filled with bars of gold and the other filled with white, hot coals.  The ruling would be if the child reached for the gold, he was a threat to Pharaoh and must surely die.  If he reached for the coals, he was no threat and would be allowed to live.

            Most of you know the end of the story.  Moses instinctively reached for the gold as all children would. But an angel intervened and pushed his hand to the hot coals.  Having passed the test, he was allowed to live -- and of course he fulfilled his destiny of leading the Jews to freedom.

            I cannot think of a story that goes more to the root of success than this.  First, it illustrates completely that there is from the time of birth an attraction to success.  Pharaoh was a genius; he knew that this was innate to all children.  Pharaoh wasn’t looking to see if Moses had some exceptional attraction to success by placing a choice of gold or coals in front of him.  The overwhelming odds were that he would reach for the gold, allowing Pharaoh to have him killed.  What Pharaoh was really looking for was what he thought to be an overwhelming sign of a lack of attraction to success.

            He thought surely a child that would reach for an object that was plain white instead of shiny gold would indicate a lack of vision.  In other words, a child that would touch something that was burning hot and painful to the touch rather than cool and soothing to the touch must be a child destined to failure and certainly no threat to Pharaoh.

            So what went wrong?  How could maybe the wisest men who ever lived design a test that would fail them so completely? The answer we already know.  There are two different types of success, both of which were perfectly represented by the objects placed in front of Moses by Pharaoh.  The downfall of Pharaoh and his wise men was that they only understood the success represented by gold. They believed success was represented by something rare, pure, and beautiful.  They gave importance to the shine and the flash of the object -- not its deeper meaning.  To this day, we still do this.

            Gold is still considered the commodity most synonymous with success.  Let’s face it -- if we have gold, we put it in our safe.  If we have charcoal, we put it in our barbecue.  So what did Pharaoh and his men not understand?  They didn’t understand that there is success that is learned.  This type of success is the antithesis of that which is innate.  So they made their mistake.  When they chose an object that they believed was the antithesis of success, they did not realize they had really chosen an object that still represented success -- just that it was a completely different type of success. 

            As the story unfolds, we realize a much more powerful type of success.  What is it about hot coals which represents learned success?  Actually, there are so many things.  Perhaps my favorite is the concept of energy potential.  Coal -- given the right circumstance (namely a match) -- will release energy, changing the world around it.  I mentioned earlier the difference of how or where we store coal with respect to gold. But this example was our innate perception.  Our learned concept of success would cause us to understand that coal is far more valuable.  For example, if you fill your barbecue with gold, you better get used to eating raw meat.  If you fill your furnace with gold, there is a good chance you will freeze to death.  In these and many more cases, we see that the energy potential in coal leads to success far more often than the qualities of gold.

            In summary, we see there are clearly two types of success.  Innately, we perceive success as that which is beautiful and rare.  Through learning, we see there is success in humility and the potential to impact the environment around us.  While both are clearly desirable, learned success is far more powerful than that which is innate.  So, before we put success into the context of being a player, let’s define success for our purposes.  (Definitions are very important.)  Success in terms of being a player is being perceived as having more than one needs.  This is otherwise known as having abundance.

            You should be asking yourself, “An abundance of what?”  The answer is: of everything.  There are the obvious things like money, bedrooms, cars, houses -- and certainly food.  The less obvious, but more powerful are the things we have just learned about.  They translate to time, energy (both physical and emotional), and sensitivity -- which lead to empathy, sympathy and compassion.  To be a player, you must be perceived as either having more of these elements than you need for yourself or for the potential of having more of these elements than you need for yourself.

            Why is this and how does this make you a player?  To answer this, you must understand there are five types of people -- but for our purpose, we need only to talk about three.  To a player, people are givers, takers, or neither.  The reality is simple: most people fall into the category of takers.  Take a group of successful people and put them in a room with cocktails and hors d’oeuvres.  As they look around the room to find someone to socialize with, what are they thinking?  Are they thinking, who in here might be down on their luck?  Maybe I could lend them some money?  Or, are they thinking, who in here might have something interesting to say?  Who in here might be a good business contact?  Who in here would I like to sleep with?  Unfortunately most people, I guarantee you, are thinking the latter ideas rather than the former.  They are thinking what can I get more than what can I give?

            To be a player, you must understand this concept and use this.  You must be far more of a giver than a taker.  Let people know that they can benefit from you and they will swarm around you.  Opportunity will abound.  Unfortunately, here is where I must give you some objectionable and distasteful advice.  Being a player at this point is not about being a philanthropist.  For our purposes we are not really just giving.  We are giving to get back.

            Because we know most people are takers, I am advising you to take advantage of that fact.  Let them come running to you to take. But make sure you get or will get what you want from them.  Don’t waste your time with people who just want to take from you and have nothing to give in return.  Remember -- no matter how much you have to give -- if you are giving, people’s demands will always exceed what you have left to give. 

            Ironically, you will see as a giver that you will take much more than the taker.  It is never pleasant to tell others to manipulate situations or take advantage of the weakness in other people's characters. But in the case of looking successful, it is of paramount importance.

            Now, how do you look?  You’re clean and have a well-maintained appearance.  You’re positive and comfortable in your attitude/demeanor.  Finally, you are successful -- you are someone that people know, immediately upon sight that they can benefit from.  If you have these things going for you, it does not matter if God blessed you with good looks or not.  Instead, you have been blessed with looking good, which comes from good character.  Good character is much more important than good looks -- especially if you want to be a player.

Chapter 4

“Clothes Make The Man”

            Adam and Eve lived in the Garden of Eden happily -- without a stitch of clothing.  When they ate from the tree of knowledge, they realized that they were naked and tried to cover themselves.  They had been warned not to eat from this tree -- told that it was a sin for which the consequences were grave.

            Apparently, the first of the grave consequences was the awareness of not having clothes.   What’s so serious about this?  After all, there were no clothes in the garden.  Why would Adam and Eve suddenly feel the need to be covered?  For the answer, we can look to our own experience.  Like Adam and Eve, we entered the world unclothed.  As we develop both mentally and physically, we become aware of our nakedness.  The difference between them and us is only that their awareness came in an instant while ours comes over a much longer period of time. 

            Do you see that in both cases knowledge and awareness resulted in the putting on of clothes?  Now, we know where our clothes came from -- but what about Adam and Eve's?  Who was their tailor?  The answer, of course, is God himself.

            Let’s take a moment to talk about the first wardrobe known to man.  It is said that these first articles of clothing made by God were unique in a few ways.  The first distinction was that they never wore out or became soiled.  (I have a pair of Levi's jeans that can almost make this claim.)  The second was that the patterns found on the surface of the fabric both soothed and attracted all of the animals in the Garden of Eden.  So what can we say about the purpose of clothes and how we should view them?  The obvious answer is that they protect us from the elements. But from the story of Adam and Eve, we see that clothes should be viewed as a tool.  They should be of the highest quality and they should influence those who wear them as well as those who see them being worn. 

            Remember, Adam and Eve did not eat meat.  God created clothes for them to successfully interact with the animals of the Garden, not eat them.  To take this a step further, we will have to take a brief step into the world of mysticism...

            It is a well-known mystical belief that every human soul has an animal counterpart.  It can be said, based on this belief, that elements or certain character traits that we see in human behavior are actually derivatives of the links to our soul's animal counterpart.

            If you apply our suggestion in chapter three that our physical traits or looks are greatly influenced by our internal traits (character, attitude) you may also assume that there is a correlation between the link to our soul's animal counterpart and our looks.  I was once asked to explain this concept to an important member of the clergy.  Upon doing so, I added that I felt I could actually perceive or see in some people to what animal their souls were linked.  This final statement, by its very nature, compromised the intellectual integrity of the theory I was presenting – but it creates a good example for us.

            The clergyman jumped on my assertion of practical application, asking me to give him examples.  I chose a particular member of his congregation that he was having a great deal of trouble with. 

            I said, “You don’t need me to prove this to you. Just take a look at John (I’m changing the name to protect the member’s identity).  What type of animal does he look like to you?” 

            As a man of the clergy, he probably didn’t want to say. So, he shrugged his shoulders and responded, “I don’t know.”

            Let me tell you, if John hadn’t been five ten and standing on two legs, he would have been digging up my backyard and running from my cat with the rest of the weasels. That’s right, this guy looked like a weasel and he acted like one too.

            I then gave my answer, “He’s a weasel.  Doesn’t he look like a weasel to you?"

            The clergyman sat before me and then slowly nodded his head, “I never thought of it that way, but you’re right.  If the soul has an animal counterpart, he would definitely be a weasel.”

            I got up to leave and he motioned for me to sit back down.  He leaned forward and, in a quiet voice, asked me, “What’s George (again, changing the name to protect identity)?  I need him to back me on a couple of proposals and I don’t feel like we’re communicating.”

            I smiled.  “George is an easy one.  See how tall and thin he is?”

            “Yes.  Go on.”

            “You see how gentle his mannerisms are?”

            “Yes.”

            “His education at Harvard and Oxford?  Clearly, George is a giraffe.”

            The clergyman nodded his head.  “I see what you mean. But how do I deal with him?”

            “Understand his perspective.  He feels above congregational politics.  He’s looking down at your situation.  If you want him to listen, you have to talk up to him.  Remember, he’s not a meat eater. So, don’t expect him to fight for any of your positions with tenacity.”

            He extended his hand across the table to me.  “Stan, that’s amazing.”

            The next week, we met again.  He told me things were going much better with George -- but he could no longer look at John without laughing.  He said, “In fact, I can’t go anywhere and not think about or try to guess what type of animal connections the people I meet might have.  It’s driving me crazy.”

            Adam and Eve’s clothing allowed them to manipulate the animals with whom they shared the world.  Our clothes, through their connection to the animal counterparts of the souls around us, allow us to do the same.  Here is an example.  A bull is synonymous with testosterone.  Show him the color red and he becomes more than a little aggressive.  Show a man a beautiful woman in a red dress and you’ll see some real bull.  The reverse is also true.  Women often find heightened attraction to men in red sports cars.  They’ll say it’s the car, but unless the person involved is your mother, I say it’s the color red.

            So, we’ve learned the first purpose of clothing is to protect us from the elements.  In our terms, it means our clothing should be congruent to our environment.  If you’re at the beach in the summer, wear a swimsuit.  If you’re holiday shopping in New York City this winter, wear a warm jacket.  This sounds like I’m stating the obvious. But I often see people who are not dressed appropriately for the environment they’re in at that moment.  Some do it because they don’t know better.  Others do it because they think it makes some kind of statement of individuality that will attract attention.  The truth is, it will attract attention, but it’s the wrong kind of attention. 

            Being a player and making a spectacle of oneself simply don’t mix.  The very basis of being a player, as we’ve discussed, is controlling your life and your environment.  This control is achieved through integration, not separation.  The right clothes for the right environment speak for you:  “This is my world.  This is my life.  I know who I am and what I’m about.”  Choosing the wrong clothes tells people you’re either oblivious to the world around you or you don’t care.  No one respects the person who shows up for the game and then refuses to play on the same field as everybody else.

            Many years ago (before 9-11), my girlfriend at the time and I made a trip to New York.  It was during the holiday season but the weather was unusually mild.  Whenever we traveled, we tried to mix the trendy spots, the local spots, and the tourist traps into our trip.  For lunch on this particular day, we decided on Windows On The World.

            You may or may not know that Windows On The World was located at the top of one of the World Trade Centers.  I knew this -- but what I did not know was that coat and tie were required for lunch.  Upon arrival (in slacks and a dress shirt), the Maitre d' informed me of this fact.  The good news, he told me, was that they could supply me with a coat and tie -- saving me a hungry trip back to the hotel. 

            Now, growing up without brothers meant I knew nothing of sharing clothes with my own flesh and blood.  I sure as hell wasn’t ready to put on a coat and tie that might have been worn by hundreds or even thousands of others.  So, I declined.  I argued that my girlfriend should have been informed of the dress code when she made the reservation -- but the Maitre d' would not budge.  I argued that I was from Los Angeles.  That didn’t work either.  I even pointed out that my slacks and shirt were made by Giorgio Armani and cost a hell of a lot more money than the cheesy coat and tie he was offering me.  Still, he would not hear of it and would not back down on the dress code.

            There I was -- sitting at the best table in the house, wearing a blazer and tie that looked like something Ted Knight would have worn in the movie “Caddyshack”.  Everybody stared or at least gave a look.  Why shouldn’t they?  I was the only person in the room who clearly had not worn the appropriate clothes for this environment.  It was the first and last time in my life that I found myself in this situation.  Remember, it’s always better to overdress than to under-dress.  Know about the environment you are going to be in and prepare for it ahead of time.  Once you know what the appropriate clothes are for your environmental forays, you should take the second lesson of Adam and Eve to heart.  Their clothes never wore out.  So, short of a trip to the Divine tailor, always buy quality.

            I realize that there are degrees of quality -- so I’ll narrow it down to three choices for you.  If money is no object, then buy the very best quality.  For almost everybody else, buy the best quality.  If you are broke, buy very good quality.  In practical terms, if we were talking about men’s suits, I would have just told you to buy Brioni or Armani (you can substitute Zegna) and if things are bad, go for Donna Karan, Polo, or Calvin Klein. I’ve often told people that they are better off having one of the suits I’ve just mentioned than a closet full of lesser quality.  

            When you wear quality clothing, you are showing the manifestation of both your pursuits and your character.  This manifestation of quality is integral to our concept of looking good.  Quality clothing should incorporate the notions and being/looking clean and put together – as well as exuding the sense of being positive and comfortable -- and certainly successful.  If your clothes don’t communicate the above, they do not say quality.

            We have all heard it said, “That clothes make the man.” (You can imagine, then, what they do for a woman!)  Then, you should also understand the saying “A good man is hard to find.”  Is either statement correct?  Yes and no.

            Clothes make the man -- only after his correct choice makes the clothes.  As we’ve said before, the identity one derives from clothing cannot be superimposed by an external force.  It must be an internal expression.  Once the process leading to the final expression is made, then clothes can make the man by impacting his environment. 

            Is a good man really hard to find?  Once again, the answer is yes and no.  This saying doesn’t necessarily suggest that there is a shortage of good men -- just a shortage of identifiable good men.  Dressed correctly, a good man is actually easy to find.  (That’s why police, firemen, and doctors all wear uniforms.)  The difficulty only comes from the lack of those who express quality in the way that they dress.  Finally, we know from the story of Adam and Eve that clothes can impact human interaction to the point of manipulation.  I mentioned earlier the effect of red on a bull and its similar effect on a man when it’s the color of a woman’s dress. (They even made a movie that proves this point --“The Woman In Red”.) So today, how do we understand what allows clothes to manipulate our environment?  In the story of Adam and Eve, it was the print of the fabric.  Today, it is the style, the color, and the name of the label.

            The style of our clothing and its relativity to our surrounding environment can say almost anything we desire.  If a young woman wears thigh high plastic boots and hot pants and then takes a walk through the Hollywood section of Sunset Boulevard, she is probably telling you that she will have sex with you for money.  When salesmen come to meet with you in a suit and tie, they’re trying to tell you that what they are selling is reliable.  When they come to you in slacks and a shirt, they’re trying to tell you that whatever they are selling is either creative or that they feel comfortable with you -- or both.  When a woman goes on a date well dressed, but not showing much skin, she’s telling you she’s looking to be serious.  However, if she is wearing a business suit on a date, she is letting you know that she is independent and intent on keeping her identity firmly intact.  If she shows up dressed provocatively, refer to my first example.

            When choosing style, carefully consider what it is you wish to communicate with your clothing/image.  If you are trying to communicate the principles we’ve been discussing, make sure they are personally relevant.  The goal is not to create a million players who all look alike.  Rather, what I hope to accomplish is individual expression with insight and purpose -- while given a set of parameters.

            Recently, I gave a criminal defense lawyer some advice on what type of suit to wear.  First, I advised him to buy the best quality.  His clients definitely need to feel/see that he’s successful.  Then, I told him he really needs two different styles.  In the office and for client meetings, he should wear double-breasted suits.  In court, especially in front of juries, he should wear very conservative, more subdued single-breasted suits.

            I chose the double-breasted suit because they say unconventional and outside of the establishment.  At the same time, they say unique style and success with a touch of flash.  This speaks to the criminal in all of us.  In fact, most of the famous gangsters had double-breasted suits in their wardrobe.  If you want their business, it’s best if you can give them a style to which they can relate. This is really about knowing your audience.

            For court, I chose single-breasted for him. If you want positive results from a jury, they have to trust what you’re saying.  A single-breasted suit says you’re just a regular guy trying to present the facts as they are.  You definitely don’t want to look too flashy or overpaid.  Juries don’t give breaks to people they feel are trying to buy their way out (unless you’re a celebrity).  Sometimes the best style is a lack of style. 

            So, when choosing the style that best serves you, think about two things: First, if I were an animal, what kind would I want to be?  Once you’ve decided, create a style that best represents the characteristics of that animal.  For your second consideration, examine what type of people with whom you will be interacting.  What are their animal characteristics?  Make sure your choice of animal is conducive with those with whom you will be interacting.  Remember the example of the lawyer?  In the office where he deals with sharks, I dressed him like a Great White.  In the courtroom, where he’s talking to sheep, I was careful not to dress him like a wolf.  Instead, I chose to dress him as a wolf in sheep’s clothing.

            Color, as we mentioned in the case of red, has enormous impact on